Thursday, 19 July 2012

Delay

A Different Angle by foundimagination
He wasn't even quite what I expected, a smaller personality than I would have guessed from our written communication back and forth.

And it was, I think, the wrong setup for our first meeting, we should have met at a pub, had a drink, but I've never done that, so I wasn't about to start.

And, sure, I feel better after a good night's sleep, and a few good cries. But I'm still annoyed at the conversations that are going on in my head - the excuses being offered, the reasons to just wait...it'll work out... you'll see!

You already know he doesn't like using the computer much, he probably just hasn't sat down in front of it for a couple of days.

No.

Maybe he thinks you don't like him and he's scared to ask you out again in case you reject him!

No.

No, but, really, maybe he did quite like you and just isn't sure what to do from here or what to say!

No.

Just give it a few more days. Maybe he'll message you now. THERE! What was that, you got a message it was him wasn't it? WASN'T IT?!!!!!!!!

No.

Ok, well maybe later. Like... say by lunch time today.

Like you made me wait for lunch time yesterday? Or maybe by dinner yesterday? Or bedtime? Etc. etc.? No.

And it goes on and on, just oooooh maybe! excitement followed by let down and let down and let down that I logically know is going to happen.

But the optimism is good you argue.

I'm not so sure any more. It just ends up being wrong and so it's not just me getting hurt, it's also that hopeful self getting crushed. And the bitter me just adds the pain on to the already quite well established Pink Floyd-ian brick wall, but then it has to roll its eyes and reach over to deal with the crushed little shit of a sobbing heap of crushed hope too. "There there, little fellow, it's ok." pat, pat, pat. Bitter me doesn't appreciate having to babysit.

5 Comments:

Blogger AmericanBridget (Jones) said...

Have you thought about taking the initiative and reaching out to him post date? I know, easier said than done...But, I do understand how you feel. It's like reading my own words when I read your blog posts.

Thursday, July 19, 2012 7:52:00 am  
Anonymous Janee said...

I was going to suggest the same thing. You could contact him and say something along the lines of "So I really enjoyed talking to you the other day and I was wondering if you'd like to get together for a drink?" If he gives you some lame excuse then you'll know where he stands, but maybe you'll hear relief in his voice that you contacted him and he'll be super happy! :)

Thursday, July 19, 2012 11:23:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

I have Bridget

Yeah... I did Janee....

Thursday, July 19, 2012 6:01:00 pm  
Anonymous Jonathan said...

You know... you could so easily turn your experiences into a book, and it would sit on top of the charts in stations and airports for ages.

You write wonderfully - often about the most difficult things.

Friday, July 20, 2012 3:14:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thank you Jonathan, that's nice of you to say :)

Friday, July 20, 2012 4:16:00 pm  

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