Disappointed

Maybe some day I'll understand myself.

But, until that day, I'll just sit and try to figure out what the heck is going on all up in here.

See, normally when someone I've been talking to from the online dating site says they'd like to meet in person I avoid the message until I can psych myself up enough to say sure.

But this time, a guy I'd been chatting with messaged me that he'd like to continue our conversation in person this weekend and I just took a deep breath and said that sounded good.

These messages were sent vaguely mid-week, so I had supposed I'd hear from him by Friday to figure out a when and where.

But I still hadn't heard from him by Saturday and instead of being relieved, (which, according to past practice my brain should have been) I was disappointed.

And I'm not sure why.

Is it because I hadn't psyched myself up?  Or because I had psyched myself up but in a mellow way?  Is it because I got over my initial fear and was bummed there was no follow through?  Is it because this is the first weekend in a while I've had the mental capacity/physical energy to meet a stranger and I don't know when that will happen again, or what?

All of the above?

Who knows.

I'm guessing he'll message back soon enough and we'll figure something out from there (probably) (unless, of course, he's already met someone else and we will never meet as so often seems to happen to me) or not.

Just... my brain is weird and it weirded me out this weekend by being differently weird from the usual.

If that makes sense.