I keep having to stop myself from thinking.
Ok, I should really be more specific, shouldn't I?
I keep having to stop myself from thinking about how it might be when I meet Jay.
Will I smile? Will I want to cry? Will I feel nervous? Will I just feel happy?
Will I reach out for his hand, or will we give each other a hug? Will we sit down close to each other or will we feel more comfortable with personal space?
I get a silly look on my face when I think of certain things, like hand holding, or maybe even kissing or hugging or cuddling, but then that train of thought quickly leads to, well yeah, but what if not?
What if... and all the bad, not so happy things happen? And so I just have to kind of not go down the thinking road at all.
So there's a lot of me yelling at myself inside my head to STOP! going on right now.
Which, really, is kind of amusing in its own way.
But, yeah. Shhhhh, brain, shhhh.