Tuesday, 5 March 2013
I don't know if I should be fighting against who and how I am, or accepting it and working with it.
And I know it's not that black and white (one of my issues, needing things to be black and white) like of course there are things about me that I can constantly work to improve or better, but I mean, if I'm (as I am coming to accept I am) an anxious person, do I try to fight that and push against the anxiety, or do I accept that that's how I am and work around it.
Or is that the same thing?
If I get very excited about things, and then equally disappointed if they don't work out, do I try to make myself stay on a mellower level, or do I just roll with it and know that if I have a happy excitement, I might also have to deal with a sad low?
If people frustrate me, certain ones, do I just snap at them when they push me too far, or do I take deep breaths and try to let their meanness slide off my back?
I'm sure there is another way to be, and I know others whose minds don't run a mile a minute like mine does, but do I try to be more like them or just accept that this is how I am, and I'll never be that way?
I could go on and on, really, and I think, at least with the mind-spinning, I feel it's a battle worth keeping up. A good fight, worth fighting, so to speak.
Perhaps that's part of what I need to remember too. That because life is NOT black or white, it's not a matter of fighting until I get to the goal, but a matter of constantly making sure I'm pointed in the right direction.
I don't know, some days are better than others, and right now my worry stick is pretty full. (Ok, that didn't make sense but I'm not going to change it, cuz I like it, so just roll with me here.)
Like, I guess you can't ever reach perfect calm. You can only just keep practicing getting closer.