Wednesday, 3 April 2013
Or if it was smart.
I kept saying to myself that I was glad it was pouring rain, because that meant I really had to pay attention to the road, so it made it harder to listen to the thoughts racing around in my brain. But, man, I was tense.
And nervous and wondering what I was doing.
I got to the ferries just in time and sat in the ferry lineup and actually started crying.
I was crying because I was so .... freaked out, but also because I was so proud of myself.
I was proud of myself for not giving in to the bullying my brain always seems to do, and just taking a breath and jumping.
I knew that if I made it, and it all worked out ok, I would be more likely to do something like this again in the future.
And I don't even mean so much the meeting a... pretty much stranger, in a strange place, I mean just the logistics. Driving to a place I didn't know, meeting someone new, pushing myself way outside of my safe comfort zone.
I remember C-Dawg telling me as much the week before. Jay had suggested that maybe we could find somewhere to go camping the weekend he was back and I was freaking out to C-Dawg about how he didn't know I don't just... pick up and do things, that I need to plan and figure out and attempt to chill, and C-Dawg told me that she thought I should just pick up and go camp with him.
"This hasn't been a normal courtship in any way, Victoria. I think you need to just go, be out of your comfort zone here."
Maybe it was partly those words that pushed me, but I messaged Jay from the ferry.
"On the 7."
"You're nearly here!" he messaged back.
The drive there was short, thankfully, and GPSes are wonderful things. Still, I was nervous as I pulled into the driveway.
Was this the right house? What would it be like to see him? What if it wasn't the right house? Where should I park? Should I pretend I changed my mind and just go back home?
"I think I'm here." I messaged him, sitting in my car, my front door open, not really ready or able to step out, just staring at the screen of my phone, wondering what on earth I was doing there.
And then, suddenly, I heard his voice.
And, there he was.
I didn't want to get out of my car.
I just looked up at him, his smiling face, that I'd come to know so well via video, right there in front of me, smiling back at my cheesy grin.
But I still didn't... (couldn't?) move.
"You can... park over there." he said, motioning.
"Where? Ok.." I said, dazed, shaking all over.
"But wait... can you get out for just a minute first?"
I nodded, put my phone down, took a step out of the car and threw my arms around him.
And we just stood there, hugging. Finally in the same space. Finally meeting.
I just wanted to hold him, and feel his arms around me.
Somehow, I was there. And he was there.
We'd made it.