And Ever

I often write a post like yesterday's in the moment of most hurt and upset.  Doesn't necessarily mean it happened right then and there, but that it was written in the moment of feeling like everything was the worst it could possibly be.

Which, after a while, isn't a true feeling anymore.

Sometimes that while is twenty minutes, or ten, or a day, but I think it's only real to share some of those moments here, because things feel really really hard sometimes.  Really really bad.

And they hurt.

I told Jay how upset I was and he hugged me and made sure I didn't roll off the couch (you had to be there) and then I grumped and grouched around for a while and then started to feel better.

I have no idea where this relationship is going to go, or end up.  Neither does he.

I have no idea what Vancouver is going to mean for us, or even for him really.  (Neither does he, I don't think.)

I just have to trust that what will be will be and trust that if we're meant to be together, it will somehow work itself out.

Not that that's easy, but still.

I just have to trust.

And then enjoy the last few days we have of him being right here.

Even though I wish, so very very much, these days would last forever.