Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Out Of The Mouths

By Any Other Name by foundimagination
I know they usually say that it's children who will say surprisingly insightful things, but this Sunday, when I was with my parents and told them that Jay and I (who they've never met) were no longer a couple, they both said something that while small, meant a lot to me.

I broke it to them differently, separately, and so when I was telling my Dad that the guy I'd been seeing moved to Vancouver and then kind of turned into a jerk when we ended things, my Dad said that that must be upsetting and hard.  And then he said that I needed to hold men in less esteem.

Which, honestly, when a girlfriend or guy friend says "guys are jerks" you just kind of shrug it off as them trying to be supportive, but lumping all guys into the same category has never seemed fair.  But for my Dad to say kind of the same thing?  Gave me pause.  Do I think too highly of men?

My Mom, when she heard that Jay had not been "nice" around the end of things, comforted me and hugged me and let me cry.  She said that it had seemed like he was a nice fellow.  I said he had been.  She said it seemed like we'd had a ton of fun together.  I said we had.   One of the things she said was that it seemed like I brought out the best in people.  She said my Dad's like that too.  But she said that it always seems like I bring out the best in people and so that when they're not with me anymore they turn mean.

I don't know if it's true, but it certainly helped me to think so.


Hayley said...


I've been keeping up with your blog during this rough time, and I hope things are going well with you. Would you mind emailing me at I'd love to talk with you about a writing opportunity.


Anonymous said...

I'm just wondering if, knowing what you know now, you regret getting entangled in an online "relationship?" I know you guys communicated online for months, but looking back now, do you think it gave you any real sense of who this person is/turned out to be? It seems there was a big emotional attachment built on what turned out to be false in the long run. In any event, I am sorry and wish you well and hope you heal well from all of this! I'm Dixie by the way.

Happydog said...

I think you have a very wise Dad....and your Mom's no slouch either. :)

Victoria said...

Will do Hayley.

Hi Dixie. I get what you're saying, but, no, I don't regret it. I went into our relationship eyes wide open, knowing a LOT more about him than I've ever known about a guy. So, no, I don't have regrets and I do feel I got to know him very well that way.

Thanks HD. They're awesome.

Southern Comfort Zone said...

You are a testament to the fact that there are 100%ers still out there - those of us who love 100%, without fail. So many would say that it inevitably leads to much hurt and pain, but isn't it the most incredible feeling in the world - to have no qualms about caring too much, too deeply - no matter the outcome?

Thank you for being 100% and for sharing your story with so many.

Victoria said...

You know what, that's very true. Thanks for putting it that way for me.