Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Just More Thoughts

Delicate by foundimagination
The other day, as I found myself in the kitchen, still stuck in that place of missing Jay being here I thought how hard it must be to be widowed.

I mean, I guess a divorce might have that same sense of missing that person being around, but to have lost them completely?  Must just be devastating.

Because, yes.  I miss Jay being around my apartment very much.

I hope that some day I'll just look back on it fondly for the loving, happy time we had together, but it's hard to do that right now, I'm still sad over who he turned into, and who I hope he isn't.

Like, people keep saying "oh, you deserve better" or "he's clearly a jerk" and I just don't want to believe that.  What he did was jerky, and I do not deserve to be treated that way, but I still hope that was just an anomaly, and not who he is.

Or something.


Unknown said...

Remember the time for what it was.. it was a lovely special time. Is he a jerk? maybe.. but honestly I think good people have jerky moments. To paint him as an over all jerk isn't maybe fair.. I do think that when someone shows to have a jerky side we should take note and walk having learned a valuable lesson. But remember good with bad.. and move on having experienced both things., wiser. You seem emotionally smart.. you have to feel it to move on.. and you will when you are done grieving what you thought it would be. xo

Victoria said...

Thanks Sabrina. I appreciate hearing that.

Broken Stylus said...

Hi, just meandering about the Internet and came upon your blog. Sorry for your heartache but its great you are talking about it and letting it out. Embrace how this may change you and let it strengthen you for the good. And don't forget to love yourself. :)

P.S. A tool for healing I really like, that you might find useful if you dont already know it, is to write letters to your ex disclosing whatever it is you want to say as often as you need to say it. Never send them though, they are just for your healing.

Victoria said...

Thanks Broken Stylus