Or Something Inspirational Like That

I often try to see these times of change that get forced upon me as opportunities to start afresh.  Kind of like another New Year or birthday, a clean slate in whatever way I feel like I need.

And since not having Jay around any more may make it easier to fall back into the things I did before he moved in, and may make me feel like I should be free to indulge my sorrows with my usual vices (bad eating, un-necessary spending, etc) I'm wondering if I can make this an opposite.

(On a slight tangent, Jay and I haven't broken up.  It's not as if he dumped me and I'm broken hearted that he doesn't love me any more, we still love each other, he still loves me, we're still... together.  Just not... together, like, living together.  So I try to remind myself of that.  And that I should enjoy having a good guy in my life, even if he's not home every night.  And that in the grand scheme of things, this is just a blip, and that I'm very lucky in my life. End tangent.)

The second day or so before Jay left, I had stressed and upset myself into a complete run down sicky.  I took a couple of days off work and while he sat at the table and worked from home (don't get me started on the rant of "if you could do it for a week, why can't you do it forever, because that rant doesn't go very far even though I understand all the things he can do and needs to do in Vancouver that he can't do in Victoria but, ok, deep breath) I systematically went through my junk food cupboard.

And ate it all.

Well, 95% of it anyway.

I keep saying how I'm unhappy with my weight and then stuffing my face with sugar.

And often I stuff my face when I'm miserable rather than, I don't know, suffering through the miserable without stuffing my face?

I've found I don't do well with cold turkey because I inevitably break the promise to myself and then figure since I've screwed up, I may as well just give up and nom nom nom nom nom.

But I thought that maybe if there wasn't all that crap lying around, and I was at least partially mindful of it, I could go through the sadness of him not being here and the nasty feeling of wanting to eat things I shouldn't all at once.

Like, I remember when I started my meal plan, and there were a couple of days of feeling hungry and miserable and grumpy, but then I kind of just got used to it and was fine.  And that lasted until Fall, when I somehow decided I needed treats at work.  And that then sugary treats weren't enough and I should have pretzels at work, and now it's ten pounds later.

So I don't know, maybe it's bad timing and I'll find myself at the corner store buying bags and boxes and containers of crap to "get me through" the worst of the "Jay's not here."  Or maybe not.

I also was reading through some get fit subreddits on reddit and someone mentioned how they don't drink anything but water and how that has made a huge difference.

I'm not a huge pop (soda for you USA-ians) drinker, but I do occasionally like some, but maybe I should try to just stick to water.  (Except for the odd time that water upsets my stomach, no seriously, and a 7UP settles it...)

I also do think I should probably try going off of dairy, but I so dislike the non-dairy drinks... and I do so enjoy cheese, so I don't know about that one either.

Sugars and I should really see less of each other though, that I know, but that's a really hard one for me.

But I feel like I may as well try.  A time of change... a time for change?  (Or something inspirational like that.)

Maybe?