Tuesday, 11 June 2013


I don't know why, particularly, but I found myself keeping track of how each day went last week.  And I figured I may as well share.  Because, you know, that's what I do.  Pretty much.

Monday:  I was actually feeling a lot better today that I expected.  It helped that it was sunny, and supposed to be sunny for the entire week, and it helped to have work to keep me busy, but I felt pretty upbeat and happy.  The evening was hard, and getting home from work and him not being there was hard.  And I didn't really sleep Sunday night, but all in all, I felt a lot happier than I would have thought.  Jay and I tried to sort of watch Game of Thrones "together".  We started it at the same time.  I knew what was coming (had read the books) and wish we'd been able to watch it on the couch together so I could have seen his reaction.  He ended up having to stop before the end to finish his laundry so I watched the end on my own and then went to bed before he got back around to watching.   In some ways it was just back to normal.  I mean I've lived here so long on my own it's very familiar.  Doesn't mean I don't miss him, just that I guess I'm used to being the only one here more than I am to having him around.

Tuesday:  Didn't sleep much again, so woke up grumpy.  And blue.  And tired.  And unhappy.  Not so good of a day.  Jay's not enjoying his new place or his job and I just want him to quit it all and come back.  But that isn't going to happen so.... yeah.  Went for a walk in the sunshine at lunch, and then for a short bike ride after work and I think that helped my mood.  I felt better in the evening.  Wanted to talk to Jay, but that didn't happen.  I guess I could have called him, but he was frustrated and grumpy so I just let it be.

Wednesday:  Again with the not sleeping.  This is not cool.  I'm so tired.  So tired.  And that just makes it easier to be down.  Went for another sunny walk at lunch, just fifteen minutes but I think it helps.  Am also making sure I drink lots of water.  I filled an old juice container with water and mint and lemon and it's pretty yummy.  I'm still so so tired though.  I wish Jay was here so I could sleep.  That sucks.  I texted him in the morning and told him I wanted to talk.  We FaceTimed in the evening but he was building something for his new room and it just made me want to cry.  This has been the longest week ever and it's only Wednesday.  I feel like if I could get a good sleep in, I might feel better.  I wish we were making plans to see each other this weekend.  I wish we could sit and talk on the phone, but I feel like he needs to get settled in his place and that I should just suck it up.  I just want to talk.

Thursday:  Wednesday at work, someone asked me if I had allergies (my nose has been really dry yet sniffy) and I told her no, but that it felt like it this week.  She said she felt the same way, so maybe there was something in the air, literally.  I used my neti-pot, but nothing changed, so before I went to bed Wednesday night I took a Benedryl and I think I maybe slept better.  My nose certainly was better.  Not that that really has anything to do with Jay, except that I think I was in a bit of a better mood Thursday because of the slightly more sleep.   I had a cry and a talk with a friend Wednesday evening too and then a quick phone call with Jay.  Really wishing I was going to see him this weekend.  So want to just lie on a couch and hug.  Doesn't look like there'll be that much space in his new place, but I don't know.  Still trying to sort of let him settle, but wish he was here, or we were in the same space.  Not liking this.

Friday:  Thursday evening did not end well.  I was tired and crying.  Went to bed at nine.  Had to put something over my eyes because it was still light out.  I think I felt a little better, sleep wise in the morning.   Texted Jay that I felt like one of us should be getting on a ferry Friday afternoon.  He said that he was busy and in meetings.  I guess I could have gone over anyway, but didn't know if me going over would just be sitting by myself all day anyway.  Wanted to go over to at least have a night or two, some evening time.  He said maybe we could try for next weekend.  Tired again.  This was a long week.  Really not liking him not being here.  Bad end to the day.  Had a fun event here at my building so was up later, but happy.  Texted Jay who was still cleaning his new room.  We FaceTimed for a few minutes while he sorted and then he said, ok, well, I've got to go shower, bye.  And I was so mad.  Like, we haven't talked all week.  I had a bad week, I've had some really tough things happen and some good ones too and I just want to be in your arms and that's not happening and now you've told me I'll hate your place and that maybe even if I come to visit I should bring a cot and then you're like, ok bye.  I feel so unimpressed.  I tried to calm down and sent him a text saying, hey, look, I know you're busy and trying to settle and I'm trying to let it go but we haven't talked and you keep giving me maybe five minutes of your time and I'm really unhappy about it.  And I didn't hear back.  I went to bed feeling like maybe this isn't going to work and that it's already over.

Saturday:  Still nothing.  I don't know what I feel or think any more.  I feel like I have no good warm fuzzies to go on.  I feel like he's not trying, and I kind of knew that wasn't his strength but, really, if this is what it's going to be like?  I'm not sure there's anything in it for me.  I'm angry and frustrated and I feel lots of kinds of unhappy.  This sucks.

Saturday afternoon:  I emailed Jay my concerns over the lack of communication/sharing/etc this week.  I still haven't heard back.  At this point, I'm wondering if this week is all it takes to end this relationship.  If we only work if/when we're together.  And what would that mean?  I went for a bike ride and felt better.  Got a late afternoon text from him saying he was out at a BBQ, and that he had a job training opportunity he was pretty happy about for Fall/Winter.  These texts really made me feel like I was over it all, which I both understand and don't.  I emailed a friend and said "I think I'm done."  And then I started to cry.

Saturday evening:  I sent Jay a longer email, pretty frank, laying it all out.  Not sure if/when I'll get a response, certainly not sure what that response will be.  I don't think I'm over-reacting, this is one of those camel's back straw breaking kind of moments, which sucks.  This will suck royally if this week is the end of this, because when Jay and I are together, it's great.

Sunday:  Jay responded to my email at about 3am.  Well, he answered the email, but didn't respond to anything I said.  Basically, what he said was that he had a really good week, and that he's not feeling like he's lacking in any way.  That he loved being with me, but isn't missing it.  So, that stung.  But also, didn't address what I'd said about needing more communication.  Told him so.  Woke up Sunday morning to another short email saying that I wanted a long distance relationship and that I need more communication than he's able to give.  And that he's not able to give that right now.  I figured that was pretty clear and that I would call him to end things off.  I called, he answered.  Was just heading out the door and how would we find time to figure this all out?  Which is a slightly different tune than his email.  I told him he'd been pretty clear.  He said maybe we could talk later.  At this point, I'm going to close off this post.  I don't forsee a good ending to this, it's mid-day Sunday at the time of this writing.  I've watched Les Miserables, had a good cry (it's the musical I know best) and had a nap.  Now I'm going out for a walk and for groceries and I'm guessing later this evening I'll write out what did or didn't happen in another post.  Which I'm guessing will get posted tomorrow, or later this week, seeing as I do often do a fair bit of writing on a Sunday.


G's said...

Ah. Boys... Don't try to understand.

My advice would be to try and start forgetting about him. No more calls, texts, emails. Obviously he doesn't deserve your time and energy.

Stephanie Hunter said...

Now that I am crying with you.

Duff said...

Oh wow. Talk about change of tone.

So basically the week didn't start off great, and it's slowly got worse.

I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation. Perhaps just text to say he should come over next weekend and chill, and leave it at that.

At the moment it sounds like you're in risk of getting into that sort of mode where you don't know what he's really thinking so you fear the worst.

Anonymous said...

I have to say, this sucks. Granted, we as men can be stupid some (most) of the time, but how in the world did he shift gears this fast?

RandomStranger said...

Something sort of similar happened to me, just last weekend. This guy and I had been really hitting it off - every time we hung out, we would have endlessly fascinating conversation, and he would always text me randomly to let me know he was thinking of me.

UNTIL the last time we hung out. We were both a little tipsy, I suppose, and he really came on to me. Of course, I didn't mind, although I was a little surprised at how quickly things seemed to be moving all of a sudden. (No, we didn't sleep together)

And NOW, he's gone AWOL. This isn't the first time I've experienced a guy being intimate, and then being very distant right after it. And I still don't understand this kind of behaviour. Was he perhaps embarrassed at how he acted? Was he disappointed that we didn't actually have sex? Was he just drunk, and in his sober state did he realize that he didn't feel that way about me after all?

I don't understand it one bit.

Let's us girls drink a glass of wine together and forget about boys who break our hearts for a little while. There's more to life, and we deserve so much more.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry things have soured. Based on what you've written about how he's reacting to being in a new location and away from you, I think he's definitely giving you the brush off. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I certainly don't mean it that way, but honestly if a man REALLY REALLY wants a woman, nothing will keep him from it. NOTHING. He doesn't really seem to have much time for you and he's being pretty pointed about it.

Victoria said...

G's, I've already deleted contacts and whatnot... I always do.

Thanks Stephanie.

Such a change of tone Duff, that's what I'm having a hard time with.

Anonymous, I have absolutely, positively no idea how he changed gears this fast. Really.

RandomStranger that totally sucks. How lame and upsetting. But yes, deserving of more, for sure. *hugs*

He certainly is being pointed about it Anonymous. For sure.

The Little Black Dog said...

You guys worked so hard to get here - would a week of utter space be completely out of the question? You have always been readily available to him - before you met and when he arrived (don't get me wrong I would have done exactly the same things as you). In fact I have had guys go AWOL both after a lot more and a lot less, but what I have found is when I pull back a little they tend to wake up and realize something.

I am not saying at all that you should settle for less than you want and deserve, but the demise has been so quick - maybe a little space will realign things to a more traditional dating pattern?

I am single and dating (online) right now so I don't claim that any of this is easy - or that guys aren't impossible to figure out - I just thought I'd offer an alternative opinion.

Victoria said...

Yeah, I suppose anything is possible, Sanibel, but at this point... I don't think he's going to be "realizing" anything any time soon, sadly. Good thought though.

Kate said...

What I have come to realise about men - if he isn't willing to walk over broken glass to be with you then he's not worth your time.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but as soon as you look at him in this light (and really think about how he has brushed you off) then you will realise hes just not good enough for you!

The Little Black Dog said...

@kate I love this line: "if he isn't willing to walk over broken glass to be with you then he's not worth your time."

Victoria said...

I know that Kate. Doesn't make it any easier in the moment.

Unknown said...

All have said some true true stuff.. I just would like to add.. men fucking suck sometimes :( why oh why do we put ourselves thru this?!

Victoria said...

Well, to be fair, sometimes women suck too. And sometimes friends suck. It just hurts when it's someone you love and trusted. And I guess we put ourselves through it because we love love?

Kate said...

I know :-( (believe me, I have been exactly where you are standing now).

Just remember, you are awesome and someone out there will be willing to walk over that glass (and more!) for you...

Stay strong :-)

Victoria said...


RandomStranger said...

Read this: http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com/what-to-do-when-a-great-guy-suddenly-disappears/

I don't care much for most articles about dating and whatnot, but this one really gives me perspective.

I think it might make you feel a little better too.

Victoria said...

Thanks RS, I'll take a look at it

Anonymous said...

Oh, Victoria, please read the article recommended by RS; it is so fitting for where you are now. The important thing here isn't so much the "why" of this, but that it has happened at all sends up a huge RED FLAG. As the article's author states, someone who was previously so kind and wonderful is fully aware that he is now giving you the big brush off. I would add my two cents that if someone was truly so wonderful, he wouldn't act that way, for any reason. Kindness and respect don't just vanish in a week. There's more going on with him than you may ever know, but from the looks of things, he's not worth any more of your investment, physically or emotionally. I've ended relationships and been dumped too so I get that it takes time and is terribly painful, but don't accept any mealy-mouthed excuses, or let him come crawling back into your life, or your bed. He has lost the privilege! I'm honestly so sorry.

Victoria said...

I hear you Anon. Thanks.