Saturday, 13 July 2013


I don't really know how we left it.

Which, really, means we didn't.

I told him to try to come find me at Burning Man, that I'd like to spend some time with him there if possible.  And you guys, that's probably the biggest relief for me in Jay's having taken the time to see me.  I'm no longer horrified at the idea of seeing him there, and that means I can have my experience without looking out of the corner of my eyes to see if he's there.

I felt incredibly weird when Jay left.  So weird.

And I think that was due to him being in my space again.

I think, were I to repeat last week again, I would tell him he couldn't stay.  That it would just be too weird.

Jay and I have exchanged text messages since he left, and it's nice to be cordial but I don't know any more than that.

Will we see each other again?  No idea.  Probably?

Will he invite me to visit in Vancouver?  I don't really think so.  Would I go if he did?  Maybe?

Would I like to see him again?  Yes.  I think so.

Would we ever get back together, were he to end up back in Victoria some day?  Maybe?  I don't know.

But it'll never be the same. 

I said that to him one night.  That I missed what we had, and was sad we'd never get that back.  He agreed that what we'd had was good.

He also said that he was sorry that it was him who loved me, and not someone "better"... better for me.

It took me a few days (and a couple of good night's sleep) to feel back to normal.

Or... "normal", I suppose, because it's really nice to not be hurt and angry anymore.

To not be sad and confused and upset about how things ended.

I'm not entirely settled with it, but again, time helps with that.

I don't even know if I've explained it all properly.  I know, for sure, that I've left out details, some important, some not so, but I do think what's the most important thing is that I feel better and happier about everything and that's good and I'm grateful for that.


G's said...

I don't know what he told you that time when you ended things but you sounded so hurt... by his words, his attitude.

I can't believe you let him back in that easily. Basically letting him know it was ok for him to act that way. Be careful not to get hurt again.

Also, you said he was stressed out and he had a lot of pressure, etc... Sounds like he needs an excuse to act the way he does.

I'm sorry but I really don't like that guy right now. And I think you should just get away from him - as far as you can. He shouldn't be able to get away with how he treated you (which you haven't told us completely but obviously you were hurt by it) that easily.


Hope it gets better for you and I know you probably don't want people telling you this but, yeah, "forget him" is my advice.

People telling you it's ok to make your own mistakes probably mean well but I know you can be stronger than keep going back with him. These "mistakes" will only get you hurt!

Ok, Ok... I'm done! Good luck :)

Victoria said...

I hear ya.

RandomStranger said...

I was just hurt in a similar manner by a guy I trusted. I won't go into details, but I feel like he was in hot pursuit for a while and, as soon as I started to reciprocate, he cut me out of his life. I want to be able to not give a sh*t, I've got my own life and my own stuff going on, and I'm not someone who spends all her time moaning over a guy anyway. But the truth is that I am hurt, and I don't know how to get over being hurt. Especially because it was someone from whom I never expected this kind of behaviour. And I don't know if I can ever see him again even if he asks to meet me.

Victoria said...

Man, getting hurt sucks. Period. I can't tell you what's best for you because I don't know the situation but if you're feeling so hurt that you're not sure if you want to see him again? Then maybe don't. As for the hurt, and getting over it, you just have to feel it, and keep feeling it until you don't feel it any more. And take care of yourself while you're hurting. *hugs* Sorry.