Monday, 21 October 2013

Esteem

Going by foundimagination
Man, I do not know how to say what I'm trying to say here.

You know how people will often tell you how awesome someone else is?

Like, when I had that dinner with friends the other week and felt so... useless...my hurt was compounded by the fact that when our first friend left, the other two friends turned to me and said "isn't she the most amazing person?"

Which, she is.  But, I'm not.

Because, no one has ever said "you're the most amazing person."

Ok, well, that's not true, I have friends who tell me that I'm an amazing friend.  I have a book full of lovely cards people have sent me telling me wonderful things.

But somehow when someone talks to me about the greatness of someone else, I somehow take it personally.  When it's not at all about me.

Is that narcissistic?

I know it's partly me having to learn to love, appreciate and value myself.  To believe it when friends say kind things about me, or when my family, or co-workers, or even clients tell me good things about me.  I know that's part of it.

But perhaps there is also part of me that wishes people would say these things to the individual in question too.  (Maybe they do, but I somehow doubt it.)

Shouldn't our friend know that we all think she's amazing?  Yes.

Even if she won't believe it when we say it, I know I wish the world was a bit more honest in giving compliments and sharing what amazes us about the people around us.

I think I'll see what I can do to be a bit more like this myself.  And to not take it personally if someone else is being praised.  And to actually listen, hear, and believe it when I am.

Easier said than done?

4 Comments:

Anonymous Elliott said...

I don't think that is narcissistic. I don't see that as undue fascination with yourself. I see it more wanting to be accepted and hoping others see those attributes in you like they see in the other party.

I agree with you...most people are not free enough with their compliments and too many are not said to people who deserve to be complimented. The same is true about annoying habits...most people stay silent on those too.

It is much easier to say you are are going to listen more and believe the compliments than doing it. Doing it is much harder. Much...at least for me.

And I think you're too hard on yourself...I don't know you, but I do know you are an amazing writer and your pictures are beautiful. You come across as a thoughtful, caring, and loving friend and daughter. You have lots to be proud of.

Monday, October 21, 2013 10:16:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well thank you Elliott. You make some good points, and I appreciate your kindness. I will do my best to accept your awesome thoughts about me :)

Monday, October 21, 2013 5:05:00 pm  
Blogger Kristen W. said...

I love this blog post! To be honest, I feel like all of us can relate to this. There is this selfishness within us that wonders, "What do my friends say about me after I leave?"

I believe that this is absolutely normal. We love affirmation for who we are and that will never change.

In terms of your writing, I really feel as though you have a strong voice. Even though this is a random blog I found, you establish a connection with the viewer through your voice. I believe that you are truthful in regards to what you are saying and this makes me want to continue reading.

This specific blog post has relatable content which I appreciate because you are talking about real issues and your true reactions to them.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings revolving around this topic!

I also have a blog if you'd like to check it out that revolves around Girl Problems. Check it out :) http://kristenellenw.wordpress.com/

Have a good one and keep writing!

Monday, October 28, 2013 12:13:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thanks Kristen! :)

Monday, October 28, 2013 3:57:00 pm  

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