Wednesday, 27 November 2013

The Process

So, yes, I am back on the dating site, sort of vaguely. Having a few conversations that I'm not putting much stock into.  And, of course, one or two that I'm trying not to be too hopeful about.

Other than the one weirdly out of nowhere sleaze-ball (who, by the way, deleted his profile and then opened up an identical one, same name, plus a number1, same write up, same picture I guess for a clean slate?) the fellows I've been in contact with have been decent.

It's a weirdly judgmental place, an online dating site, but I do weed through pretty quickly, those I don't really want to talk to based on their profile, so I generally avoid those who seem like jerks or too terribly self-involved.

The process itself I'm used to, and I know the vagaries the men go through.

There's the initial flurry of messages once the first contact is made.

This is the time when you know they're likely messaging a number of people and you just happen to be one they've found interesting for some reason.

Those first messages either stop coming, or they continue.  The guys that stop messaging, it's always a little bit of a mystery as to why, but I usually just assume they've found someone else they're more interested in pursuing.  I used to beat myself up as to the possible reasons "she's prettier?  she's funnier?  she's younger?  she's smarter?"  but now I just figure it doesn't really matter why he's not interested in a random stranger (me.)  And I move on.

If a guy keeps messaging, it can be quite fun.

And when the guy is nice, and funny, and intelligent, it can be a lot of fun.  And I get a certain vibe through these messages too.  And often if I feel I don't want to eventually meet this person, I lay off of the messaging myself.

But if things go well in this phase, usually the guy will ask if I'd like to meet.

Sometimes we'll exchange cell numbers at this point for texting, which, as I've said, is never a concern for me privacy wise as my cell is not my main number, and, again, I've been lucky with my choices.

Once the "yeah, we should totally hang out" exchange has taken place, things change.  The dynamic shifts and I'm usually a little sad at this point.

Because once you meet the fun message exchanges stop.  Maybe the texting continues, sure, but now things aren't "I'm getting to know you via these words", it's "we've met, and do we like each other?" and now what?

Or, as these things go, sometimes you meet and you don't speak again.

Or you meet and it's not... awesome and things kind of drift off.

So for me, the fact that this nice guy and I are planning on meeting soon is kind of a bummer, because I don't know for sure if we'll go forward once we've met, or never speak again, but it does mean a change in the dynamic, and having these messages and texts with this guy have been fun and somewhat distracting.

So, yeah.  That's the process, as I see it.

Search profiles.  Make contact.  Exchange messages.  Either stop or keep exchanging messages.  Plan to meet.  Unknown.  Back to phase one?


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