Tuesday, 25 March 2014

The Ordinary

Walk This Way by foundimagination
I'm struggling with being judgemental as I write this because I know I've done the same thing myself and, well sometimes it's just easier to see things when you're looking at someone else, and then it stings a little bit when you realize your thoughts are clearer when you're observing them rather than yourself.

I also know that people only tell part of their stories (something I occasionally feel I have to remind people here) and there's always more to the picture than what's presented but, yeah... preamble done.

Turns out one of the girls at work has been dating a guy she met for a while.  I didn't know about this but was super happy for her so I asked about him, how they'd met, his name, all the rest.

She told me he was this great "Viking" of a man and such a good guy and, in fact, was moving in next month.

I thought this was great, but maybe fast (Jay moved in days after we met... I know, I know... kettle...pot, and all) and so I asked how long they'd been together and she said four months.

I tried to hide my surprise but maybe I didn't, or maybe she's used to people commenting because she said she knew it was fast, but that this guy hadn't shown her any reasons not to have him move in.

I said it was great and when you know you know and all those sorts of supportive things because again, what do I know about someone else's life and choices, right, and asked what she meant.

My friend went on to explain that he's a really good guy.  And that, for example, he takes the trash out without her asking.  Or notices when the jar of dog biscuits is running low and goes and buys more.

And, absolutely, I agree, these are great traits in a boyfriend.  Or roommate.  Or human being in general.  It just struck me as odd, and maybe sad that these were examples of such unusual behaviour that this guy stood out to her as an amazing guy.

Did I do the same?  Rave and exclaim when Jay turned on the dishwasher himself or the one time he did laundry for the two of us?  Absolutely.

Part of it was that I was genuinely happy he'd taken on some of the house jobs, but also part of me wanted to reinforce that behaviour in order to possibly have it happen again.

Did it make me think Jay was this great, special guy?  I'm sorry to say at the time it did.

But I also think Jay could have shown me how he knew how to tie his own shoelaces and I would have thrown him a parade.

So maybe my shock and concern and frustration towards things with my co-worker stem partly from the fact that I think being a decent human being who is thoughtful of others isn't as prevalent in today's world as it should be.  It shouldn't BE an exception when a guy (or gal) is decent, kind, and thoughtful.  It should be an exception when they're just kind of blah.  But part of it also comes from me projecting my own stuff around what happened with Jay and how I saw him with gigantically rose coloured glasses (with added side blinders) on and I guess I hope she's not doing the same.

But, as I say, I know nothing about this guy, their relationship, or much about her, really.  So I should just smile and nod and say "congratulations, that's great."

Because it is.  Finding someone, falling in love with them, and moving in is great.

I know I loved it a lot.


Blogger Jason Langlois said...

It is weird how respecting your partner is something noteworthy and special in relationships. Somehow, basic decency is considered a plus, rather than a baseline. Speaks to how warped relationships seem to get. But it's hardly a new thing - warped relationship dynamics likely date back to the stone age.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014 10:40:00 am  
Blogger Dominic said...

heh. I was in a pub a while back and there was a group of ladies at a table nearby discussing their menfolk.

One of them was very proud that, if she were to be late home, her man wouldn't just sit and wait for her but microwave something for the freezer to eat himself.

This was apparently a remarkable achievement: a grown man capable of feeding himself instead of sitting and starving until somebody fed him.

I can't imagine what they would have made of the knowledge that I can cook, clean, and take care of a cat all on my own. I suspect some sort of detonation might have occurred :)

It's quite amazing how much 'little' things like being able to spot an overflowing bin, or wash clothes, can matter.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014 10:47:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Bummer, eh Jason?

Crazy D! I imagine they might have looked at you suspiciously, like an alien race ;)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014 5:59:00 pm  

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