Never Long Enough

When my brain/system is somewhat stressed or feeling anxious about whatever life events are out of my control and worrying me, I will sometimes notice myself feeling worried or anxious about things that are maybe a little odd to be anxious about.

Case in point...

I looked at the calendar today and realized that next week's the first day of Summer.  Which means the days are as long as they're going to get.  And I've been loving these long long days of light.  These beautiful days where I get to nine o'clock and am still seeing light in the sky.  Even at ten it's just getting to the tail end of dusk.

I love it.

So when I saw that Summer's coming, it means the days are going to start getting shorter again and that made me feel really... anxious.

I don't know what else to call it.  Like, stressed by feeling like I don't get to keep this.  Stressed that it will "soon" be Winter again and I don't want it to be Winter again, I just want it to be like this forever.

I know it's not anything I can control or change but I think that's part of what my system grabs hold of when it's worrying.  Like... something else I can't control.

I'll meditate later and that should help and I'll try to not keep thinking about this all and I'll enjoy what we've got while we've got it.

But, yeah, it was interesting, and honestly frustrating to realize I was feeling worried about the approach of the longest day of the year because it meant the days are going to start getting shorter again.

Makes me feel a little crazy, y'all.