I'd always thought I was a deer because of an experience I had twenty or so years ago, but when I told Jason this he said no way. He saw me very much as a bear and when I looked up the symbolism of a bear as a totem animal, I was willing to listen to what he had to say.
A couple of weeks ago, we were talking about our totem animals again and that night I had this sweet, Disney-esque cartoon dream of a bear and a wolf who were the best of friends and protected each other when they were hurt/sick/hibernating (yay, naps!) and it was really sweet.
I told Jason about it and then I got really quiet. Because all of a sudden I realized it meant we would never be more than friends.
I tried to explain this to him, through tears that a bear and a wolf (his totem) could never mate and so we would never actually be a long term couple.
Jason paused and told me that they did mate, they had to keep their bloodlines fresh, and I gaped at him. A BEAR AND A WOLF CAN NOT MATE ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
At which point he looked at me...
"you know they're metaphorical, right?"
I don't know, I just saw it as this massively un-ignorable sign that Jason and I aren't meant to be together and instead it's just .... well, not that.
I don't know, this post is a bit of a babble because I'm touching on something personal and something a lot of people think is redonkculous but I just... it was important when it happened. Both the sweet dream and the sad realization.
Maybe Jason and I aren't meant to be together. I don't know. Maybe we are. I don't know. But it'll be one of those things time will tell.
And I don't really have any idea what I'm talking about right now.