Monday, 19 October 2015

Time and Space

At some point near the end of the week down in Nevada, I asked Max what, if anything, we were going to do once the week was over.  We talked about it for a little while, at the table in his camper, and I said that I wasn't wanting a long distance relationship as they're hard.  I said that I didn't really want to go home and go back to dating and to date other people and then be together just for the week of Burning Man.  (Some people have playa-only relationships.)  And Max nodded and agreed and... we just kind of left it at that.  (I think he had something he was going to and I was going to go hang out with Sarah and Connor or out to playa or something.)

When I was out and about that day, doing whatever (because of course I can't remember!) and half thinking about Max and I and leaving Black Rock City it dawned on me that I didn't have to figure out the small details and that it wasn't just that I wanted to be with Max it was that we were just...together, and that's what mattered.  Yes, I've had a few long distance relationships, several, if not most of them, have been documented in part here.  To me, they all felt difficult.  Sad.  Un-workable from the beginning, somehow.  This... didn't.  It's not even just Max himself, it's how we are together.  It's how I see and sense and know he feels about me and us.  And it's how I feel around him.  As I was out that day, I realized that this relationship wasn't going to be a sad thing.  There was no way this relationship was going to be negative in either of our lives.  It just wouldn't.

When I saw Max again later that day I told him as much.  I told him that I didn't know the details of how everything would play out, or the details of when/where/what of us being in the same city/place, but that I did not see how this relationship could or would ever be anything but positive in our lives.  And that I did not want to date or think about dating.  I had found what I wanted in my life and that all that mattered.

And Max smiled, and agreed, and he held me and we went on with whatever else we were doing that day, and the rest of the week.

And that feeling was, I think, why it wasn't the end of the world when he left on Saturday.  I missed him being next to me, but I knew he wasn't gone from my life and I knew it wasn't the end of anything.  It was just, having to go back to the real world and finish vacation time and a time of us being away from each other.

The way I feel makes this entirely different from any other relationship I've had where we didn't live within a decent driving distance from each other.  Which means a lot to me.  


Anonymous Elliott said...

I think your feelings about this relationship speak volumes on two topics; 1) how you've matured and how you are looking at this relationship, and 2) you're in a relationship with a person who is right for you and you for them.

I wish all the happiness possible.

Monday, October 19, 2015 8:32:00 am  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Busy crossing all my fingers here, and still smiling :)

Monday, October 19, 2015 3:36:00 pm  
Blogger Jason Langlois said...

Glad you found that in your life.

Monday, October 19, 2015 4:34:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Thank you Elliott.

All fingers crossed and you can still type, well done Jonathan! :)

Thanks Jason, me too.

Monday, October 19, 2015 7:17:00 pm  

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