Monday, 4 January 2016

Morning

Well, here we are in 2016.  Go figure.

I feel like I kept waiting for 2015 to get going. 

You know how some books read like that?  Like, you're waiting for the introduction to be over so you can get into the meaty part of the story?  Yeah, well I feel like I kept thinking I'd get used to the fact that it was 2015.  And then I never did.  The year always seemed new to me.  Like it had just started. 

Perhaps there's a Grandma somewhere reading this and chuckling... "yes, dear, that's how it feels as you get older..." but I don't know.  It was such a round sounding year.  That five always had a certain softness to it.

2016 looks sharper.  Crisper.  More of a snap to it, we'll see. 

I didn't mind 2015, not at all.  The people I've confided in the last few months will probably go on to tell me it was the hardest year I've had in a long time, if not ever, but just like women who say the pain of childbirth fades over time, I liked this year.  It feels happy to me.

I've said it before but I don't make New Years resolutions anymore.  Yes, I've done things like the 365 Project before but I find I'm much happier and much more likely to succeed if I just use the first of the year as a reminder of how I want to continue to set my intentions.  I find there's too much pressure if I tell myself I'll never do X again, or I'll do Y every day or whatever those goals are that are meant to be started on January first.  It just makes me feel pressured.  Which is never fun.  I don't want to be motivated by pressure or "ugh".  And I don't want to have to wait for a certain day to start doing something.  So I'm reminding myself of the things I've found work for me over the last few days or weeks or months or years.  And I'm not being hard on myself.  Which is different in an important way from going easy on myself.  Although that's also slightly different from being gentle with myself.  Delicate, slight differences....

Still so much going on here, but those things don't stop for holidays or calendar days.  I hit a very difficult patch post Christmas.  I can string together some theories on why, but really, what matters is that I don't feel that way anymore and I'm so glad for that.  Thank goodness for a week of sunny (if cold) weather.  And thank goodness I had the idea to wrap up warm and walk to a couple of appointments because those short walks in the sun helped lift my mood a great deal and that made such a huge difference.

Sadness (or depression or the winter blues or being low or whatever name you want to use) is hard because it drains you of the very energy you need to do the things that may help lift you out of it.  And even if you know you're in a stuck cycle, it can all just feel like too much, or something you'll get to "when you can." 

A few things running through my head right now, including the seemingly random but not actually random idea of considering a teardrop camper (trailer)  Which... I've never actually been in one but damn if they don't look awesome. 

I hope you had a good holiday season and that this new year is going to be a wonderful one for you, full of health, happiness and love.

Happy Monday.  Talk soon.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Jonathan said...

I know what you mean about the passage of time, and your brain doing a miraculous repair job on your memories. Most people have fond memories of school - but they only remember the good bits... they don't remember not fitting in, or loneliness, or homework, or not knowing what they hell we were doing all the time...

Monday, January 04, 2016 11:41:00 am  
Blogger Jason Langlois said...

Teardrop campers do look super cool!

Monday, January 04, 2016 3:00:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Funny Jonathan, I do not have many fond memories of school... go figure.

I know Jason, so cool!

Monday, January 04, 2016 6:03:00 pm  

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