Wednesday, 8 April 2020

Not All That Different....

My Mom got a little sad for me the other day (I'm talking to them pretty regularly right now) as she does from time to time and in her slightly sad tone she said "it must be very hard for you being alone right now?"  And I do appreciate the thought, but I had to sort of point out to her that it's really not all that different.... alone wise?  I mean, I don't think my Mom has ever lived by herself if I think about it, and so she maybe isn't aware of the "benefits" to living solo like I am.  But I do know what she must be getting at, I don't have someone here to be alone with.  But I mean I tried to assure her (not sure it worked?) that that's not a very new thing for me.  I've been pretty solitary for a while now, and single for a long while so... I mean.... I'm used to no one in my bed at night and stuff?   (Also no one else to clean up after!)

If I sit and think on it, of course I miss things.  Jason and I have been hanging out fairly regularly (I know, I didn't really tell you but I was going to get around to it... no it's not a "dating" thing.) so that's a change.  And I'm not going for sushi with C-Dawg any time soon but she and I still talk/text the same and she did a drive by book/cookie drop off the other week so I have technically *seen* her!

Do I miss people?  Of course.  But I'm ok right now.  I've been watching people talk about it online and I am aware that some are going stir crazy and some are desperately missing connection or get togethers or whatever their social gatherings were but because I've been home and unwell for a while now (anxiety y'all, not a virus thing) I've lost most of those.... things.  And is there an irony to this all happening just as I was feeling like starting to get back into things?  Of COURSE there is, but I mourned that a few weeks back when we first went into "stay home" and I was terribly upset.  For now, things are not all that terrifically or terribly different.  I still live alone.  I do not have a romantic partner to miss, like I know many are/do.  No, I don't have someone here for company but I haven't since I moved here.  (With the exceptions of when whoever maybe stayed/lived here for a while)

I do miss the freedom of things though, and I mentioned to Jason the other day that right now when I go out for a walk I'm sad that I miss dogs.  Because I don't let myself get close enough to their human to pet the dog or let it sniff my hand as I pass it by which is something I used to do.  So I suppose I miss the freedom of closeness, even though I wasn't walking around hugging everyone, you know?


Zsuzsa said...

Hi Victoria, thank you for your everyday thoughts on everyday things. I am reading your blog almost every day. So, you are not alone :) I am from Ontario, I have a blog too, but I am writing in Hungarian, which is my mother language, oh, and I have a dog :)

Victoria said...

Oh my gosh that's awesome! I so admire folks who have more than one language!! And your dog looks like an adorable fluffball :)

*waves hello* ;)