I can't say I noticed this in the same way when I first "got sick", but right now I'm noticing it. Possibly because in 2015 my health just straight out declined. As in, there weren't good days. Whereas now, I'll have good days, or good weeks or some mix like that, so the bad days are more noticeable.
And what I'm noticing is a huge decline in ability when I'm anxious and overwhelmed like this.
Some minor examples are putting things where they're not meant to be. Lost my home phone the other day. Ended up I'd left it on the bathroom counter, not sure when or how? Tried to leave the house by pressing the "unlock" button on my car keys. I find things in odd places that I don't remember putting them or being. Snack plate in the middle of kitchen table when I ate the snack on my couch and the kitchen is RIGHT THERE. Stressing over forgetting things because I know I'm not at my best. I had Jason drive me to the grocery store the other day (from his place) because I'd felt I shouldn't be driving - wasn't as safe and alert as I wanted to be. When we got there, I was sitting in the passenger seat, and I reached into my purse and got my mask and then started looking for my car keys. I really don't know why. I wasn't driving. It seemed like I thought I needed them for the store? Did I think I had to lock the car (that was still running, with me in the passenger seat?) I don't know. And that's really disturbing. It's upsetting to have a brain that's "running wrong" without me even "thinking" things. (If that makes sense.)
I'm just less functional.
I can leave the house without proper layers, or with too many. Or without the one item I needed (hat, sunglasses, etc.)
I imagine that sleep deprived new parents may recognize some of these "symptoms" and I figure we've all had an absent minded moment or two "whoops, the milk doesn't go in the cupboard, ha!" but this is just... it's additional stress on top of stress and I said to Jason that while I tend to avoid using the "sedative" type medication my doctor prescribed, it's actually a more functional me than with this highly stressed system. Damn.
And holy bleep this is exhausting. Like so so tiring. (Although it's not a tired that guarantees sleep unfortunately.)
So as I said last week, there's an awful lot going on and "just functioning" is my priority and I'm not doing like an A+ job of that right now!
4 comments:
Too much brain power being used on other stuff.
"Tried to leave the house by pressing the "unlock" button on my car keys." ... I've done this too, on high stress levels. And similar blanking on things.
Really hoping things go down a couple notches soon. *hugs*
Thanks Jason, me too! It's (when able to be observed from a distance) an interesting "coping mechanism" that probably isn't all that helpful but maybe was... back in... early humanity? ;)
I just got diagnosed with hypothyroidism (slow functioning thyroid gland)... had some similar symptoms. They weren't looking for it particularly but got the full bloodwork thing done. Maybe it's time for a health check?
I've actually been hypothyroid since I was a kid and so it's one thing that's checked regularly :) (And thanks for the suggestion, I am trying to keep on top of things!)
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