Halfway through June apparently. (And as I often find myself saying... "not sure how that happened".)
For the three of you who are still around, I don't talk about my work (not exactly) for a number of reasons. So instead, I talk about being a spy! (Unless, of course, it's a double psych out and I actually am a spy, ooooOooooOoooH!)
So I've been off of work for a long time with health issues and recently I've been trying to volunteer as part of a return to work program sort of thing. It's been mixed. Nice to see other humans. Stressful to see other humans during a pandemic. It set off "depressive episodes" and kicked up my anxiety in a serious way. But it's been nice to see colleagues again after so long. (One of them unironically said "It's like you're like Jesus... you died and came back to life!" To which I replied... "heh?")
Spy bosses have decided to switch up my day to day, meaning.... let's say I've been the type of spy who rappels down buildings on wires and crawls under lasers to steal diamonds. (You know, stereotypical Mission Impossible stuff.) Now they're going to have me be the type of spy who goes undercover in bars to pretend they're not a spy and use pens that are dart guns and glasses with secret binocular vision scopes. This isn't likely to happen until I've had some training and until my doctor gives the ok for actual work, so Fall is possible???? OR???? UGH.
I'm some days terrified, just completely terrified and overwhelmed. And then other days I tell myself "well, it's not today, today all I have to do is X" and I manage to calm myself down and "ignore" the "future scary stuff".
But I'm scared. Scared and nervous and anxious and overwhelmed.
I know it's weird to half talk about something like this, trust me, it feels weird to try to not talk while talking, so I mean imagine what you want, just know I'm super super stressed over work stuff that is pretty much out of my control and I don't feel competent or confident and my mental health is not great and oh, right, I've been getting panic attacks in the heat and it's only the middle of June. F*dge.
4 comments:
Was recently talking to my coworkers about this 'change fatigue'. We're making so much change, both in personal lives and in our work lives, that it's impacting us all.
And after a year and a half of this, now we're facing more change as we adapt back to a new normal...
So you're not alone.
That's a really good point, thanks! (It really has been non stop "adjusting" for a year and a half eh?)
I'm going to be around a lot more than I have been, because I got sucked into the Wordpress vortex for a long time, and became lazy about looking up other blogs - especially ones written by people I've known since the beginning :)
Cool :)
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