I think I may have hit my own version of Covid burnout.
I still do not want to get it, not ever thank you very much. But I also can't take on all the extra worry about this new variant and its spread.
I have read/heard that I should be wearing better masks, medical grade, N95s, whatever, and I just... I can't be bothered. I really can't. I don't think any of us love wearing a mask so me saying I do not like it is kind of redundant. I KNOW the masks I wear are inefficient. I KNOW this. So I know I'm not super well protected. But I'm doing what I can right now and I don't honestly feel capable of much more.
My workspace is less than ideal health and safety wise and I don't know that I have the energy to fight with whoever to try to get it improved. I just don't.
*Should* I? Oh, probably. I should probably order those better masks and get groceries delivered again and "make a fuss" at work but you guys? I am just so done right now. I don't have the energy. I am tired. (Emotionally, not so much physically... knock on wood.)
That may change. I'm sure I will adjust if/as things change but right now? Today? I'm so done. It will be what it will be. I'm tired of being in a fucking global pandemic for all this fucking time, I so am.
2 comments:
I'm thinking about various books I've read about soldiers in combat and how the constant background possibility of dying without warning causes this stress. And eventually, they reach the "fuck it, don't mean nothing" stage where nothing matters and you just get through the days the best you can.
I feel like we're all reaching that state at different times with this COVID.
That's a good, uh, I don't know what, analogy? reminder? point? Whatever it is it's a good and helpful thing to have heard. Thanks.
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