When it feels safe and comfortable to do so (because in all honestly there are times it does not) I will make eye contact with and say hello to someone who is "pan-handling" or asking for money along my walks. They're quite often outside of one of the stores I go into sometimes and I'll often give them a nod or a short greeting. They're humans after all, and often ignored or treated unkindly.
No one wants to be invisible all day every day. Or I suppose in reality some of us do, but my point is more to those living in difficult circumstances... I always wonder if they feel no one likes them or if everyone is judging them as a "junkie" or "bum" or other derogatorily negative term.
So the other day I was walking into the store and passed a fellow who seemed vaguely within my age range (many of these folks tend to appear older than I am) and as I was slowing to get out my mask I asked him how his day was going. "Not great," he replied. I paused, at a slight distance and said "oh?"... an invitation to tell me more. He told me that his wallet had been stolen and he had had eighty bucks in it and so now he had to "do this until next month". I felt awful for him. $80 is a non insignificant amount of money for me to lose and I have a job and decent income. I'd be upset if $80 of mine just disappeared. But for someone on what I assume is a lower or fixed income like this fellow? That would be a really huge loss. And if *I* lost $80 it would just mean maybe going into my line of credit or spending less on something or just being upset, but for him? It means having to ask strangers for money on a sidewalk for (at the time) two and a half weeks to get by.
And no, I don't know if he was lying, I don't believe he was, and no I of course don't know what he might be planning on using that money for but you don't know what I'd be using $80 for either. To judge and assume he'd be spending it on drugs or other things that have a negative social connotation is not fair to either him or to me, really. I present well, but do you know what my difficulties really are? At a glance? (I mean you all kind of do because you're here, but on the outside, you wouldn't.)
I had no money to give him, and if I had, I'm not sure it would have been wise to do so. I mentioned it to a friend who has worked in social services for the unhoused and he said that unfortunately if I'd gotten the guy's name (a plan I told him I'd considered) and gone in to a supportive community and asked for this $80 to be given directly to him the care/case worker would have had to report it as income and that would have come off of his next cheque. So even my idea of a good deed (had I had the money to spare) wouldn't have helped long term.
But back to my point.
I told him that that sucked and I was really sorry and after I'd said this he asked me how MY day was going? I was fairly honest and said "meh....it's ok" and shook my hand in that "middle ground" kind of way and he said "five out of ten?" and I said yeah. "I hope your day gets better." he said and I wished him the same and walked off into the store.
This one little interaction really felt like a reminder to me that we're all just humans and we ALL have our shit. I have NO idea what that guy was going through. Not just with the lost money, but with his internal thoughts. I was walking along with so much running through my head about my stresses and my upsets and I'd bet he's got just as much going on and on top of that he has to ask people for money.
Damn.
I judge. I'm not saying I do. I have my stereotypical ideas about those I see in various stages of "not ok" around town. But I fight against those thoughts. And this two minute exchange with a guy pretty near my age and not too run down looking really made me think about the idea we're all fighting battles in our heads and minds and hearts and souls and we're all just fucking humans.
It's hard out here man. My version of hard isn't superior to anyone else's just because I have a roof over my head and a job I go to.
We're all just human. We've all got inner lives and pain and difficulty and goals and self.
It's March now, so I hope that dude made it through to his next check without too much extra upset and maybe me chatting to him was an ok moment in the rest of his day. Maybe it meant nothing. Maybe it annoyed him, I have no way of knowing, but for me that chat had impact and I'll not quickly forget it.
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