Reminders

When Max and I were together and planning the rest of our lives together, he wanted us go to on a trip over the Christmas season time.

As you may remember, he ended things before that happened, but I had already made plans to go.

Which included a flight that I never got refunded and gifts (that I ended up sending to the boutique resort we were going to stay at) and a brand new suitcase - Canadian themed.

That suitcase lives under one of my tables filled with my Burning Man gear (that I took out of a bin to make more room in a closet).  I see it from time to time and it always makes me think of the trip I didn't get to take (even though I spoke to him at the time of the breakup and suggested we'd be able to still do the trip as friends who knew the relationship was over) and the breakup.

Sometimes I think I should get rid of the suitcase since it always brings up this less than happy train of thought but right now it's storing things and there's always a voice at the back of my head that says "well maybe I'll go on a trip again some day that will need a suitcase so I should keep it just in case?"

But these reminders are not ideal, and this one especially as it seems to keep something fresh in my mind that I don't need to be fresh.  He moved on.  He even married her.  He still hasn't ever spoken to me as he promised he would "in time." I'm still hurt.  Mostly by how "wrong" I was about him and us but this suitcase, I wish it was just a suitcase, you know?