Just So You Know

I think what also didn't help this week (certainly not with my anxiety and how I'm coping) is that I got multiple emails from companies and organizations around how they're handling things.

From a yoga place to a gas station to like movie theatres and everything!  As someone pointed out "this week I learned how many places have my email"  um... yup!  And it didn't help me to get those emails because it just pushed that button of "NOW THERE'S SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!!!"

I grew up with a nurse.  If I haven't mentioned that before.  And she (my Mom!) always talked about cleanliness and cleanliness "protocols".  When I was sick as a kid she'd drill into me about not touching my eyes (face) and being careful of where those snotty tissues went (we'd have a dedicated throw away bag for tissues when you were sick) because they now have germs on them.  And to wash hands when you got home, and one of the reasons I shower when I get home at the end of the day is that my Mom always did after a shift and talked about washing off the germs!  So I've been in this mindset all my life.  My Mom taught me about the sterile field from when she was a surgical nurse and to wipe down surfaces and doorknobs when you had something so you didn't spread it.  For years, I've dragged myself off of my sick bed (when able) to wipe down handles and stuff so that those damn germs didn't get a chance to get back at me!  So... I've always been like this.

I wipe down stuff at the gym.  I wash my hands on my way out of the gym and I use the hand sanitizer.  ALWAYS.  Because I'm in a place with lots of people.  I strip off once I'm home from the hospital and shower off whatever I might have picked up.  I have hand sanitizer in my car and I use it when I leave a place with lots of people.  And so for me, to hear that we're all supposed to be doing these things now, there's a large part of me utterly confused because... we've been supposed to be doing these things all along!!!

Like, I'm not perfect.  But I have always tried at least.  And now I'm trying a little more (my dry hands will attest to that) because public health authorities are telling us to do so.

So yeah, the barrage of WE ARE DEALING WITH ITTTTTT! emails and my own confusion around "why now?" has been a great part of why this week was extra difficult.

I would imagine for some those emails were reassuring but for me, it just pushed "scared" buttons.

Sigh.