Effort

I'm trying to have something to say but I don't have anything to say.

That heat episode we had took way more out of me than I ever imagined it would and I'm still just starting to recover.  If "recover" is the right word.  I've managed to feel like I'm rested again and my sleep pattern is back to pretty much normal.  But my energy level is not.

As I mentioned last week, I was completely, utterly drained and now I'm feeling physically better but totally unmotivated to... I dunno, do things that I should do?

Like I'll go into my bathroom and see the dust and know I'd like it better if I just went and swept/dusted but I don't. 

I was super proud of myself yesterday because I got laundry done.  No, seriously.  And I partly got laundry done because I was running out of things to wear.  Like socks.  And shirts.  Lightweight ones anyway and hey, ha ha ha it's still Summer so you kind of need those!

C-Dawg has some stuff going on that's devastating for her and I'm stressed for her and feeling helpless and useless.  Family and some friends want to hang out and I'm not sure I'm up for that... I mean we've all had at least one shot if not two but still... plus, what, a year and a half of not seeing anyone?  Plus just like, exhaustion and stress and social anxiety bullshit and, well, I both don't want to do anything and am not sure I have the energy to do anything but I also don't want to be a complete hermit but ugh, and blah.

So I don't have a whole lot to blog about and no real thoughts swirling through my head other than "how hot might it end up being today" and "I should eat better" and "I should go for a walk" and other things that are less pleasant and don't need publicizing.

And sure, this "tiredness" could also be depression or a version of it, I'm aware of that, but whatever the reason, it is not... enjoyable.  Nor is the noise my head makes about it and the "shoulds" it believes I need to fulfill.

Sigh.

"The only way out is through" or something like that so I'll keep trying and "this too shall pass" and all, right?  Right.  Sure.