Oh boy... my struggle is really real right now. Real....ly hard. Really a lot. I don't feel great, or good. And the anxiety that is very strong is latching on to things. Like my friendship relationship with Jason. Like the age of my parents. Like... all the things. It's not good.
Since I started trying to go back to the gym "at least once a week" (the amount I figured out would be equivalent to paying drop in vs monthly) I have noticed that the cardio I get there (which I can't seem to match at home or even outside really) does drop my stress and anxiety level quite a bit and often "buys me" several hours of feeling ok, which is a huge relief. And yet I still really struggle and fight with myself to get to the gym. Even on days like today where it feels like it's life or death and I really really should go but (so far) I'm not. And then I get angry and hate myself for the not. It sucks.
It's so much easier to talk myself out of something I know will help (even if just for a bit) than it is to talk myself into it. Even when I'm struggling incredibly and feel awful. It doesn't make sense from the outside and I know I'd encourage others to do as I say not as I do but man.... living in my head sucks sometimes.
Really.
2 comments:
I feel this right now. *hugs*
Back at cha.
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