The Missing

This time of year is when Burning Man happens and even though I'm not there, and haven't attended since 2016 I'm still pretty heavily involved in some of the online forums and so I'm always right in the thick of it at this time of year... and it's hard.

People use the term "FOMO" (the Fear of Missing Out) and I suppose that's partly true but it doesn't feel accurate for me exactly.

Yes I wish I was there experiencing whatever weather they're having and whatever dust storms are or aren't kicking up.  I wish I was there seeing the art and hearing the non stop background noise.  Yes I've seen video, which is somewhat disappointing as there used to be no cell service at all and sometimes it makes me feel connected and sometimes it makes me feel worse. (And maybe a little mad at the poster but that's a whole other story.)

This year has been a weird one for the burn and so far continues to be weird and I'm sure you've heard some of the "weirdness" on the news - it is what it is.

I get frustrated helping at this time of year by some of the questions being asked but I also get emotional and weepy over the spontaneous help and support that often comes out of some of these situations (like a post saying "help, we broke down, we need X part, can anyone help" and then a few hours later someone who saw or drove by stopped to help and they're all on the road again and it's just so nice to see people helping each other... that community, you know?)

I'm not sure if this is a distraction that's helping me right now or an obsession I'm using to not deal with how I feel (two sides of the same coin perhaps).... 

The man burns tonight.  I'll likely watch the live stream of it as I have for the past few years.  I both don't think there should be a live stream and am grateful there is a live stream so that I can see the man burn (and temple burn) happening.  Mixed feelings.

I found myself really really really wanting to go this year, for a number of reasons but Jason says I get like this every year so there you go.  If I could transport there and back (with my gear), I would probably do it.  I even considered going for "just a few days" but these were just half fantasy thoughts when put against the reality of the situation and where I live and where I'm at and, well, yeah.  Maybe another time.

I haven't given up completely on returning some day, I'd think I'd like to, but I don't know how or when that may be.  (This year is scratching at me as being a cooler year which... yeah... that... but still).

So a happy burn night to you, if that's your thing, and a happy Saturday night to you if it's not.  Or Sunday, or... whenever you happen to read this.