The first was when an intern who is being assigned to me (cuz apparently he'll learn stuff?) for a week or two asked if I'd like to "Go for coffee. (pause) To discuss the training that's coming up and what's expected." And I was all "Sure." While thinking to myself (because we all know how much I like to think.) Hmmmm, is he asking me for coffee or is he asking me for "coffee" as in, you know "hey, let's go for coffee"? So I got a little weirded out and asked my supervisor what he thought and realized later that maybe the guy was just asking to hang out and talk about what he'll be doing while working with me. (I nearly said under me but I stopped myself...heh.) Who am I to know? I just automatically assumed it was a flirting/dating situation when maybe it wasn't at all.
The second time was at the gym. I was stretching with my earphones in when I heard "Miss, excuse me miss?" Seeing as I was the only other person in the room I figured the guy in question was talking to me. He was a few years older and spoke with an accent (which, yes, is relevant in this situation.) He asked me if I did yoga and then proceeded to ask me a few questions about where and when. I found myself uncomfortable because, again, I assumed he was trying to strike up a conversation with me in order to ask me out or to tell me what a supremely hot chick I was and could he have my number. It wasn't until I'd stuck my headphones back in my ears for the third time that I realized that maybe he was just trying to be friendly and I was doing the typical North American thing; assuming the worst. I remember when I came back from Mexico a couple of years ago being shocked at how unfriendly everyone in Canada seemed. I'd just spent a week in a country where everyone smiled and said hello and struck up conversations with ease. And I'd loved it. I got off the airport in Vancouver and started smiling away at everyone, ready to shout out a hello here or there and I realized almost everyone had their heads down or was avoiding eye-contact, lost in their own world.
So I ended up with two things on my mind:
1) Maybe I'm over-assuming that guys are trying to hit on me when they're actually just trying to talk to me.
And
2) Why are we so afraid to talk to each other. To just talk? To be friendly?
But it's hard. The times I have assumed the other way; "Oh, he's just being friendly" it's turned out I was wrong and the guy was wondering why I wasn't picking up his signals.
Maybe this all goes back to my male friendship thing. That elusive experience I can not quite master or figure out. Or maybe I'm just crazy.
8 comments:
I think you may have overly narrowed the parameters on the question "are they hitting on me or trying to talk to me?" Here's some stuff from the mind of a guy. It could be a) talking, not interested in more. It could be b) hitting on you, ie talking but just because they're interested in more, or option, c)talking for serious, yet still also open to the possibility of more.
Don't disregard option C. The being attracted to someone doesn't mean that the discussion or pretext isn't real. Sure some guys make that crap up.. but not all guys do.
This reminds me of a, lets call it a discussion rather than argument, that I encountered many years back. Several guys and girls were involved in the "friends vs leaches" debate. Basically some people held the view that you were either friends (ie not interested in more) or you were hoping to get involved in more and just biding your time. And they had a pretty bad opinion of the second guy (no wonder if that's what they only thought was going on or that has/had been their only experience). As if to say that it invalidated whatever friendship could or was there because it was "tainted". Actually I guess they were of the opinion that it never was a friendship cause there was male attraction there?
I disagreed with their opinion. It wasn't pretty. Now I try to avoid times when there are deeply entreched emotional issues that are not about discussion but rather expression of an opinion that will never ever change but only put you on the For or Against side.
I've had several friends who are girls and I've been attracted to them. Sometimes this presented some situations with major growth potential. Via good communication I'd say 2 of my best friends fall into that boat. I don't think this invalidates my friendship and the fact that I like hanging out with them. Perhaps it's just a place of contentment that I'm at. So I hang out with them because I like them, as friends and people, and they happen to be beautiful.
Ok i meandered. Sorry if this doesn't make anysense or seems way off topic. I had a major 2 1/2hr exam this afternoon and my brain's pudding at the moment. Basically.. I think there can be a third option that isn't malicious but rather open to possibilities. Get the most out of life. And be thankful for wherever you find yourself. If you are with friends.. you are blessed with great things. It isn't a poor second option.
As for the smiling and hello thing? Yeah it doesn't happen as much around here apparently. But I don't care I do it anyways and most people respond favourably. Perhaps it's also the fact that I like to sing as I walk as well, and do that goofy little dancy thing while I'm waiting for the light to change.....
Bah.. time to let my brain rest awhile more.
OH and sometimes guys are dumb as posts.. but as we get older we do figure out a couple things and generally if girls are fairly forward we figure it out. I think.... you know... I probably miss alot. That's why it's good to have girl friends who can decode and tell you later.
Typical afterwards discussion..
"Dude that girl totally dug you!"
"Really? No way! I thought she was laughing cause I'm funny and witty"
"That was laughing cause she thought you were cute, not just because she thought you were funny. You can tell cause she laughed more then just laughing"
"I have no clue what that means, can we just develop a sign.. like step on my foot and use the word tuna in a sentence?"
"....... you're such a guy"
I just wrote a novel didn't I? Sorry ;)
And the award for best novel of a comment goes to....
(crinkling of envelope being unwrapped)
.... ..... JORDAN!!!! (crowd goes wild. pan to Jordan acting surprised and modest)
I like the addition of "talking for serious, yet still also open to the possibility of more" I do catch myself seeing things in black and white more often than I'd like.
I really don't mind the long comment, I appreciate reading it and hearing someone else's opinion, so thanks. It's good to have something to chew on... mentally, metaphorically. Meanderingly. More 'm' words go here.
I also agree with the hello thing. Most people here do tend to respond favourably to it even if they aren't going around initiating it.
Also, yes, I've had that conversation with my guy friends too. "She totally liked you" "No she didn't" "Um... yes!" Someday I'll be believed! : )
Must rest my brain too. Hope the exam results were worth the brain melt!
More "m" words as ways to chew things...
magnaminously,
marvellously,
masterfully,
melodiously,
mellifluously,
memorably,
mercifully,
mercilessly,
merrily,
messily,
methodically,
mightily,
militantly,
mindlessly,
minimally,
minutely,
miraculously,
mischeviously,
mistakenly,
mockingly,
moderatly,
modestly,
momentarily,
momentously,
monotonously,
monstrously,
monumentally,
moodily,
mooningly,
morbidly,
moronically,
mostly,
motheringly,
motionlessly,
motivationally,
mournfully,
mouthfully,
movingly,
musically,
mutationaly,
mutinously,
mysteriously,
mystically,
mythically,
woah. : )
V, women have that inner sense where they can pretty much tell whether a guy is engaging in conversation for something more than just friendly chatter.
So my answer would be - if you didn't "sense" anything at the time then it was nothing more than what it was a face value - friendly chatter... you're brain's just over-analysing that's all.
(You must be bored?)
lol
Ryan, I think my inner sense is broken! lol
I agree with Ryan. I always go with my gut feeling! Sometimes it doesn't work as well as it should but what else can a girl do???
I usually go with my gut too Catlin, but then I wonder if I'm missing out on something. Like a new friend? (wait, that sounded cheesier than intended! lol)
*tells self to stop over-analyzing*
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