A lot of well meaning friends and acquaintances have asked, upon learning that I'm kind of maybe sort of single again, if I've tried on line dating.
Um. No.
I know it works for a lot of people.
I know many happy stories of soul mates found on line.
But I want you to try something.
Go onto lavalife or match.com and search for guys in your area somewhere between the ages of 26 and 40.
Do you see what I see?
So how am I supposed to easily walk away from a good, attractive, decent guy when I KNOW for a fact that there are not a lot of them out there? How am I supposed to just give up and say "oh well, there are other fish in the sea" when the other fish are more like this? Creepy, sleazy, nasty, not-anyone-I-want-to-take-home-to-Mom-y.
So, on top of all the "is my current (sort of non) relationship worth fighting for because of the difficulties piling against it" there's the whole "well, shoot, maybe this is the best I can get my hands on and I should snap him up and just hope for the best" kind of thing.
I know, you're groaning and/or rolling your eyes. And you're going to pull out stories of the great single guys you know who have nothing wrong with them and are just... single. Sure. But for every one of them there's also the others. (And no, I don't mean Ben.... although, I could go for that seriously hunky Other, yum!)
*sigh*
It's just so damn frustrating to feel like I'm turning down a perfectly good guy when there seem to be so few around.
20 comments:
Isn't life just peachy keen sometimes? :) (Peachy keen??? Did I just fall out of a Nancy Drew/Babysitters Club/Sweet Valley High book?)
I've done the online thing and honestly have nothing good to say about it. For the most part I met guys who seemed normal and ended up being creeps. When I moved back up island I looked at what was on there again, and practically ran screaming (especially since two of my Exs were on there.)
I would just nod and smile at the people who want to set you up then say 'thanks, but I am definitely not ready to give up on great just because I might be single for a while longer. Hope is better than creepy anyday.'
Did I mention I know this really sweet single guy? ;)
Peachy keen for sure! High five!
; )
I was never allowed to read Sweet Valley high, but once or twice I snuck one and thought they were deliciously naughty. Nancy Drew was good though!
Anyhoooo..
I like your thought "hope is better than creepy anyday!" That's so darn true I might just tape it to my wall!
Sorry you didn't enjoy online dating. *shudder*
As for sweet single guys, all I have to say Likalia is; Does he live in Victoria? LOL
;)
You know... as guy with an account on lavalife.. I'm not sure how to take it all..
j/k lol
for sure it can be tough and crazy out there. I did the online thing for a bit.. met some interesting people, and i do think that system has some merits.. at least for guys.. i've not seen what kind of guys are on their for girls so I can't comment that way. Though word on the street is that it isn't exactly the greatest selection.. ;)
I don't how you view dating, etc, but it sounds like you're really not over, in fact still wrestling with, the past relationship's aftermath. Perhaps it's fine, perfectly normal, and all around ok to not go running back out there at warp factor 6. Oh.. ok. Now I see why those guys are on lavalife... right.... ;)
Seriously though. Life sucks sometimes. And it's a pain. Thank God for good friends and family. Ya may not always like them, or get along, but you know where you stand and you know they'll back you up. And that's a good thing :)
Now I'm going to get back to editing my photos.. hmm.. maybe i should pull out my coin collection too and rearrange everything based on chronology..... ;)
Actually the only single guys I know right now do live in Victoria...:)
(I did meet one nice guy online, but we were better friends - so one out of however many isn't too bad, though I think I've had all the luck there I can expect.)
I think I only read a few Sweet Valley High books, I was more into the R. L. Stine books. Though I read everything our little local library had in the young adult/teen section.
Yep, I tried online dating too... kinda freaky.
(I don't know why but saying "kinda freaky" conjures up images of Ben Stiller in some role!? I can't remember which...)
Anyhoo, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you've got SINGLE in your title V! It's happening to both of us!! We can't get in a relationship because our blog requires us to stay single!!! It's the law of attraction at work: we see "single" every time we log into our accounts!!!!! Our blogs are keeping us single!!!!! EEeek!!
If that's the case I'm going to change my blog to ImMarriedToKateBeckinsaleAndReallyReallyLovingLife.blogspot.com
Ok, maybe that's a tad too long.
;o)
Jordan: maybe the system online is better for guys, I never thought of it that way! That'd sure be an interesting thing to find out though...like, who meets more creepy people on line?
So, no, I'm not running back into the dating scene warp speed or nothin. Go finish editing your pics. And coins. And stamps?
Likalia: You know single guys in Victoria? It's a MIRACLE! ; )
I never got into the Goosebumps books, myself.
Ryan: I know what you mean about the Ben Stiller comment. Maybe it's a line in all his movies? ;)
And maybe our blogs are keeping us single but I see it as I am one girl, not a hundred girls so it's advice from a single girl (like, not lots!) see? I'm safe! SAFE! heh
Or, maybe I should change mine to "advicefromahappilymarriedgirl"
just, yeah, too long. ; )
I always look before I leap and when it comes to
online dating, I don't like what I see.
First, there are the scams. Obvious is "I'd love
to meet you but I need to get a passport and here
in Russia, it costs $200 which I can't afford."
In parts of the world where wages low, this type
of scam could have widespread economic impact.
Not-so-obvious scams may come from employee of
the dating site fishing you along just so that
you will pay extra to contact this fictious
individual. Another scary thing I noticed was the
use of profile pictures in adult banners. For
example, your photo might be used in "Hot Sexy
Couple Wants to Swing in Victoria". Yikes!
Second, there is the behavioural aspect. Some
turn it into a popularity contest with no serious
commitments. Others raise their expectation
incredibly high because of the impressive
profiles they see. And of course we know about
the integrity of the profiles. So, we can't
always trust what we hear but can we trust what
we see? As you know from photography, it is
extremely difficult to capture a person's essence
in one photo. Yet, we see all these
great-looking people. Are all these people
professional portrait photographers? I would
rely on the old saying: If it's too good...
Third, looking back upon ourselves, we know that:
When pieces of information are missing, we tend
to fill it with what we want to see or hear. We
start with a prince/ss charming and contort
him/her to match the profile we see. When it
comes to online dating, there is an enormous
amount of information absent, so every individual
looks incredibly delicious (not to mention that
they may be filler profiles to make the site look
good).
And finally, all the "great" things about online
dating also make it bad. The socially inept are
undistinguished from the socially adept. The
unkempt individuals are also not easily
identified. No matter how much effort the sites
try to separate and filter people, everything
leaks. I'm very skeptical of any profile on
seekingmillionaire.com (which I thought is
hilarious) but somehow, I'm not so skeptical of
profiles on inmatesforyou.com.
haha. I met my most recent ex on the Telus online personals. I'm embarassed to say I was a member of more than a few sites and I have to say that Lavalife is the ghetto of online personals. The guys I met there were much sleazier (ie, supposedly single but in fact, were MARRIED) than the ones on other sites.
Hey, both my exes are single, in Victoria and in your age range but I wouldn't wish either of them on any nice girl! >;-D
And change can be good! I look forward to reading advicefromahappilymarriedgirl one day!
YNBF: I can only applaud.
*stands up and applauds*
Excellently said. : )
Yvonne, I didn't even know Telus HAD online personals! I must go look now! eeee!
Can't wait for my new website address myself! ;)
Although I met my husband on Yahoo! personals, I still wouldn't really give it a resounding endorsement. I think we both just got really, really lucky. It's not really a good place for seeking "boyfriend/girlfriend/something even more" relationships; I know I didn't sign up looking for that, and I highly doubt my guy really thought he'd find a wife there.
I can't even think of any single people I know, let alone males, or anyone that lives anywhere near Victoria...sorry.
I've been waiting for a happily ever after story Woo-Woo! You sure did get really, really lucky : ) I know it works for people, I'm just not sure it's for me, you know? Certainly not now anyway ; )
No worries re. single Victoria dudes, I'm not really looking right now. Just seeing what happens I guess.
ynbf said it all perfectly!
Hey Victoria, I just noticed that Telus personals sold out to lavalife. Eeeek! It was still mybc.com personals when I used it, around 6 years ago.
You could try True.com. ;)
I think I'll set up a site and then sell it for millions! yes, that's it! ;)
There are people (even close friends of mine) who met and clicked after meeting on Lavalife. I, too, back in the day, was on plenty of fish...the problem is that you can't fake chemistry. So, even though you meet 'nice' men online...on dates if there are no sparks, you can't exactly fake that.
As to the 'perfectly good guy' you're turning down... I don't know your situation as I'm new to your blog, but I'm pretty sure that any 'perfectly good guy' would be crazy to let you go. You sound pretty neat. So there...don't settle. The real 'good guy' can find you easier when you're single anyway:-)
Hi mermaid :)
I know stories too of people meeting on line, so I'm sure it works. Just not my thing right now I think.
True, though, that the chemistry still might not be there, no matter what.
I'll take to heart what you said about being "crazy to let me go", thanks!
: D
you can always try other options ;) There's always a good place for everything and be happy in the end ;)
True :)
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