Monday, 23 November 2009

A Peek Inside


So, do you remember way back when, a monthish or so ago, I mentioned, or, didn't mention more like, that I'd met a nice, single, happens to be male, person?

Right, so, we've hung out a few times and I guess I just felt the need to tell you that.

And, no, I don't know where it's going or where it might go, but I am fairly sure that at some point, possibly soonish, I'll let him know that I write here and that's always a weird thing for me, so I don't quite know how I feel about that.

I mean, it's one thing to write about someone knowing they'll probably never read here, but it's another to write about someone knowing that they might. Or will.

Because on the one hand I do like being able to say anything and everything I want on here, but on the other hand, people are entitled to their privacy. Even on an anonymous / pseudononymous (dude, is that a word?) blog.

Lots of times I like to just write whatever it is that comes into my brain down here and somehow in doing that I make a little more sense of it, but what if what I'm making sense of isn't . . . I dunno, isn't what someone else might like to hear? Or what if in trying to babble it out, I say something that someone takes the wrong way and then I'm stuck in a position of having my words taken as proof of something I didn't intend.

And, yes, I am aware that for a friendship or relationship to be a good, healthy one, these conversations should take place between the two people, but don't you think it might be uncomfortable to have those conversations out on the internet where everyone and their cousin can read them and know what your friend or whatever is thinking?

I just don't know. Haven't had that conversation yet. Haven't said "Hey, I have this place, like a personal diary. Except people read it. Sometimes more than two. But they don't know who I am. Except the one or two that do. And so I don't want you to read it. Because if you read it I will have to edit my thoughts and I hate thinking that way. And I think it would be weird if you read it. But if I don't tell you about it that's kind of like lying. Ooops, sorry, my brain just exploded, sorry about the mess."

Plus it's all backwards this time.

Backwards from how I normally start a relationship. Not that I'm starting a relationship. But I would have to say that I'm making an attempt at gaining a single male friend. And I know I've changed a lot since Smith, and I don't think I quite know how to be.

And I don't know how to have a guy friend.

And it's weird.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Chris said...

You don't know how to have a guy friend? I'm sure you do, your just afraid it might be turn out more than that. Then it would get all ackward and such.

Since I live in Victoria we should hang out sometime. Then you can have a single male friend. I might even let you hang out at the bat cave! haha.

I'm sure it's all going to work out for ya. Hope your enjoying the weather. The long term forecast is for sunny weather. YAY!

Monday, November 23, 2009 4:09:00 pm  
Blogger Ms Behaviour said...

I personally don't believe it's lying if you don't tell him you have a blog. Have you told him everything else about yourself? I rarely tell people I keep a journal. Most wouldn't care and the ones that do, well they never expect to read it. How is this different? We don't know anything about this person except that he's male. Umm... not a privacy issue, unless you plan to actually tell us more about him that you have about yourself. I'm just saying, don't be in a rush to weird him out :) Boys are fragile!

Monday, November 23, 2009 6:26:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

I don't know how to have a single guy friend. Seriously!
Bat cave? Coooooool.
Sunny? YAY!!!!!

They sure are Ms B. Heh. I'll think about it fer shure.

Monday, November 23, 2009 10:52:00 pm  
Blogger Jordan said...

Ok I don't mean to freak ya out here or anything.. (doesn't that disclaimer always kinda suck cause then you start feeling a bit freaked out?) but really the whole "single guy friend" thing... is it a bit of calling it one thing cause the reality is a bit scary? Like.. there are tonnes of guys out there that are single, and nice, but you don't go around thinking... "hey maybe that random dude is nice and single and we could be good friends?" It's usually a bit more of actually finding the person somewhat attractive in the first place, but maybe not wanting to run into it all gung ho crazy. From a guy who spent the formative years of his life as a definite "nice guy friend" that route is fraught with pitfalls.. namely the "we're friends, are we more? defining the relationship talks, etc". I'm not saying that intergender friendships are impossible or don't happen, but there is usually an attraction happening for one, if not both parties, that starts it off.

I guess that's a weird Jordan babble of random late night thought. I also just watched Stardust which I absolutely love and now want to dream about falling in love with some star in some mystical kingdom. Yep.. frankly I obviously like to keep my relationships grounded in reality ;)

As far as not knowing how to be with having a guy friend? You already know the answer I'm sure ;) Just be yourself and allow it to be as it will be. If you're concerned with being someone else, etc, then it isn't you hanging out anyways, it's you being someone else. You're awesome, fun, witty.. try not to stress dear. Though I am calling you out on the "just friends" thing. Does one really worry much about a "just friends" relationship?

Monday, November 23, 2009 11:29:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Jordan, you didn't freak me out and Stardust was adorable and yes, I do worry about the "just friends" thing because having a one sided attraction makes me squirmy.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 5:48:00 pm  
Blogger Single and Picky said...

I agree with Jordan there is always something that seems to preface the whole reason you become friends, but the nice thing is it can actually just be friends. If you end up having a deep friendship I have found that there has to be either a reason it will never work or you've crossed that whole what are we thing, deal with the issues and move forward - that one is icky sticky...

At this moment the pessimist in me says it doesn't happen well normally as I just had to end a friendship/pseudo relationship with a man I dearly loved because he couldn't cross from friend to more fully for so many reasons - we'll patch it up in time - months, years whatever, but hmm, the other I get the more I realize it's just sticky.

Thursday, December 17, 2009 3:42:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah. Sigh. Sorry about your situation. :/

Thursday, December 17, 2009 6:05:00 pm  

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