( So I've written this post in my head a couple of times. Each time I wrote it, there were a lot of swear words. Or, actually, just one swear word. But used a lot. )
Cuz after the good time we'd had and the suddenly obvious "I don't want to hang out with you again" I got mad.
I can't say I have any real reason to get mad, but I did. Maybe it's my way of not being hurt or upset, but I got mad. I was mad for so many reasons, some I don't remember, some I don't want to get into, but it sucked to be mad and I was.
I got even madder after I didn't hear from him for a couple of days because I couldn't figure out why he'd bothered hanging out to talk with me for so long if he wasn't interested and why he didn't just cut it short and sweet. Moreso because I was polite (as I think everyone should be) and sent him a "Hey, nice to meet you, thanks for hanging out" message and didn't get a response (and here's where I start to sound like a ranting person) even though I know he was on the site and could have taken a minute or two to write me a polite note back.
I did hear from him a few days later, the standard, hey it was nice to meet you and I'm going to be really busy over the next couple of weeks so I'll talk to you once things settle down.
Which, as we all know, is a semi-polite way of saying "Hey, I'm not interested but I'm not going to be straightforward enough to say that so I'll make an excuse that's plausible and let things slide."
Now before you think I'm exaggerating and before you leap to his defense, if he was interested he would have said so.
He would have said so at the end of the date and/or he would have said so when he messaged me back.
He could have asked for my phone number or email or said "Hey, I'd really like to do this again sometime." Anything.
He could have taken two minutes out of his busy day or ten minutes out of his busy couple of weeks to send me an email or to check in and say hello.
There are a ton of things he could have done to show he was interested in me and/or interested in hanging out again.
Therefore, the only thing to take from this is that he's not.
And that sucks, because I was.
I liked him and would really have liked to hang out again and get to know each other and see where things went.
And don't tell me I should have told him that, I've said before, I don't play that game and I'm not chasing after someone who's showing no interest in me again. Been there, done that.
It probably wasn't smart timing of me to go out on a date when I've been feeling rather low about myself since it didn't work out too well and now I'm having to remind myself that it's not about me.
It just sucks and I'm bummed and sometimes mad and it really feels easier after things like this to not ever put yourself out there.
Which also sucks.
I kind of feel like the whole thing was a "one step forward, two steps back" kind of experience in terms of cheering myself up and feeling better about that.
Oh well, nothing more to do but keep on keeping on.
And, I think, when I sit and think about it, I'm angry because I was rejected and it's somehow easier to be angry than sad.
9 comments:
It's ok, kiddo. You did everything fine! Couldn't be prouder. You got a chance and you took it, like a champ. It's just that when we go fishing, we do take the chance of getting skunked. It's the nature of the beast and it happens to the best of us. So let it out. Do what you gotta do to right yourself, and try again when you're ready. It's kinda cliche, but I guess that's why they call it "the game."
Remember, no self-pity. You're not the rate G gal that keeps hoping for prince charming to come and rescue you...you're the rated R chick who knows how to get things done with the looks and the heels to match. Bad Mama!
You're so money and you don't even know it!
P.S.
It was his loss.
Thanks ToitB ;)
Oh Victoria, don't ever let a man trample your self-esteem. Ha ha, now if I could only take my own damn advice! Argh. Have you read He's Just Not That Into You? I highly recommend it, if only because it really helps you understand that the average man would rather chew off his right arm than tell you something he thinks you don't want to hear. So, keep your eye on the prize: a better than average man ;)
That book is actually what I've been thinking of ever since the "ok bye!" end of the date. He's obviously not that into me.
I'm sorry to hear that the guy couldn't be honest Victoria. That sucks! I've experienced the same thing with girls too, so I know exactly what your talking about. People should really try a little of that honesty stuff that everyone says they want.
Anyways, onwards and upwards! Just another learning experience for you. Don't be down on yourself because you did nothing wrong. Like you said "keep on keeping on!".
Hope your mostly sunny Victoria weekend is going well. It's been nice to have the rain stop finally! haha.
Thanks Chris, and yes onwards and upwards :)
I was going to mention an e-date I went on a year or so ago, but then I realised it really wasn't relevant. So I deleted it.
But if it's any consolation, I've been reading your blog for a couple of years now, and I think you're great. And I'd definitely go on a date (or even two) with you.
All that's getting in the way is that you're anonymous, I'm not dating at the moment, and we're on different continents.
But, you know, apart from that.. :)
Heh
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