John

A while back when I was going through a rough time, or I suppose, a longer than usual rough time, I found myself listening to the same songs over and over again. John Mayer songs.

I've always liked John Mayer, ever since his first album came out and I've been following him on twitter for a while, and then on his site and somewhere in the combination of watching and listening to him create his new album and these two or three videos (each of which I've watched over and over and over) I realized that a) I hadn't actually purchased (or listened to) his last two albums though I really liked a lot of the songs from Continuum and had heard great things about Battle Studies and b) something inside me was drawn to the artist and the process and the art. (My first love was a blues/rock guitar player so I may have a bit of a weakness...)

So I bought them both and started listening to them. I knew most of the songs on Continuum already (thank you So You Think You Can Dance) and was already in love with them but the songs I didn't know and the new songs from Battle Studies were a revelation. It wasn't so much like I felt like he was singing to me or singing my songs, it was just that for the first time with an artist, I felt like I could feel his soul through his music.

Sure, part of that must be connecting to the songs from my own experience as well, but something about having seen the videos and feeling like maybe the tour life was lonelier than we might all imagine and hearing the heartbreak he'd gone through hit me really hard.

I made a CD of my favourite 20 or so songs (most from Battle Studies and Continuum, but one from Heavier Things too) and put it in my car. And I played it non stop. On the way to work, on the way back from work. Any time I drove I listened to the songs. I'd come home and play them in the background, they were what I listened to when I went for a walk or to the gym, they were all I listened to.

Some bizarre feeling of it being my music sung by this person who'd somehow gotten inside my heart and somehow had shared his life and love and soul with me without ever having to meet me was overwhelming. I would hit a few of the songs on replay over and over, (listen, just listen to what he does at about 3:15...GENIUS! A break your heart because you know how he feels and he's *singing* it to you and how do you let yourself be that open?) sometimes for the entire drive.

There were a good few weeks, maybe even a month or so where these songs were the soundtrack of my life. I was so hurt and sad and in the sadness and the songs just worked. Fit. Perfectly.

Eventually I had to stop listening to them and force myself to listen to something else to help pull me out of my funk, and I did. But not before I had the most amazing dream about him and then had my heart broken.





P.S. These two videos break my heart over and over and over. I don't know if it's because it's an insight into a world I know nothing about or if it's because I see the world as being inherently lonely and John Mayer as stuck inside that loneliness. Or maybe that's just me projecting my own sadness and loneliness. Who knows. I just like em. Lots.


Battle Studies Winter Tour Video



A Life in the Day - John Mayer - Vimeo