Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Seconds

So we did meet up again, second coffee date guy and I. And I have to say, you guys, it was fascinating.

You see, for the first time, maybe ever, I didn't care.

Didn't care when he emailed. Didn't care when he arranged the date. Didn't care when he told me he only had a few hours. Didn't care.

So going to meet him, I felt relaxed. (I mean, not perfectly relaxed, I'm always a little nervous meeting people I don't know very well. Just ask S. I was so nervous the first time I met her I think I was shaking! Oh, and by the way, did I mention that B and S got married? YAY! *does the happy dance* ) It was as if I was going to meet a friend or a co-worker. That's how much I didn't care and wasn't bothered.

I felt no need to be anything other than how I was feeling right at that moment, which was mildly annoyed and wary of him, but willing to give it a shot.

So we went for a walk and chatted and, yes, we have lots to talk about and good conversation.

And when it was time for him to head out (which I reminded him of because I'm polite like that) he said "Well, we should do this again some time, you'll have to email me your number." (Which I'll do, if he contacts me again I suppose.) So that's a step up from our first date when all he said was "Bye."

So I guess I can recommend getting rejected by and then un-rejected by someone if you tend to be nervous and over-think dates. It'll allow you to relax.

Which in turn makes you realize that all the nerves and over-thinking you've done before other dates really was a waste of time because it's so much easier when you just don't care and have nowhere to go but up and aren't worried about being rejected (cuz it already happened) and it's like hanging out with a friend.

The downside is that the annoyed/wary/suspicious feeling got in the way of me being able to pay attention to any possible spark.

I seem to remember at one point thinking to myself (in a very remote, almost like a narrator talking, kind of way) "I can see how one could think he was handsome I suppose." So, yeah.

Went on second coffee date, haven't heard from him since. Don't really care. Would guess that we'll hang out again some time but don't really know.

So there you go.

9 Comments:

Blogger Charles said...

So you are not sending your number to him though?

Http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 9:14:00 am  
Blogger Kas said...

I agree... send him your # and THEN if he doesn't respond in a timely manner... Kick Him To The CLOSEST Curb!

~Kas

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 10:01:00 am  
Blogger Canadianbloggergirl said...

I agree with Charles and Kas, especially the kick him to the....part if he doesn't respond, but I would wait at least 5 days or so from the time of this coffee date you had! But good for you for going and having that oh well type attitude! Good on ya!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 10:45:00 am  
Anonymous Sara Elizabeth said...

I always feel that when you have the "I don't care" attitude, it makes guys even more interested in you. I say you send an email that's very casual and just states your number and if he wants to meet up again he can get ahold of you :) I just wonder why if he wanted your number to set up another date, why he didn't ask for it right then? But maybe he was leaving the ball in your court to see how you were feeling? Goodluck with coffee guy :)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 2:20:00 pm  
Anonymous Erin said...

Ok so having been in similar situations...if he REALLY wants your number he will email you and ask for it. Don't throw your info out there if he doesn't continue to put forth more effort to get to know you!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 2:31:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Dunno Charles, might, might not. Will wait and see how I feel and if I hear from him again.

Curb kicking in reserve Kas! ;)

CBG, it was fun having that attitude and rather a relief! :)

Sara Elizabeth, he mentioned "how busy" he was going to be in the next little while and so I guess that's why he didn't set up another date right then and there. We shall see!

Erin, I do kind of feel like that, like he knows how to contact me and if he wants to then I can give him my number then. But, really, I'm not too worried about it either way. YAY ME! ;)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:02:00 pm  
Anonymous ray said...

Seconding the "do not send your number" idea. If he is interested he will mail you to get the number, passing him your number first puts him in the driving seat.

To be honest though, neither one of you seems to care about hanging out with the other. Can't really see the point of you two staying in touch, outside of being "casual and random coffee drinking partners".

So well done for getting out there and seeing that meeting new people isn't that hard, but I can't see a point to you expending any more effort on this guy. He's not bothered about you (unless he's desperately shy and trying to act cool) and you seem to be not bothered about him.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010 1:00:00 am  
Blogger DEC said...

I totally agree with Ray! Wait until he asks for your number and keep him around only as "dating practice", so you are ready when a good one comes along.

Proud of you for the relaxed attitude! :)

Bisous
Anne
http://datingoneverycontinent.blogspot.com

Wednesday, July 14, 2010 1:12:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah Ray, it doesn't seem like he's that interested in hanging out with me and I've already gotten over wanting to hang out with him so... yeah. And thanks, I'm glad I got out there too :)

Thanks Anne! I'm proud too ;)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010 4:58:00 pm  

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