yesterday's post. I can understand where most of the looks negativity is coming from, but I wasn't sure why the "being older" thing was getting to me so much.
One thing I realized is that I don't really spend time with anyone my age. I moved away from my home town, so my high school friends aren't here. But even more than that, at my spy workplace, there's no one my age. And I only just realized it.
The people I work with are either five or six years younger than me, or ten to twenty or more years older than me, so I'm surrounded by people who are either older than me (and I don't really have much in common with and don't see them as my peer group) or by people who I get along with and have fun with, but who are younger than me. So I end up feeling old. Or at least, older.
And it doesn't help that all these younger co-workers are all going through things I'm not. They're getting engaged, married, having their first child. And so I look at them and wonder how I'm older than them and haven't had any of these experiences.
I hadn't really thought through it 'til I wrote yesterday's post and wondered about the question "when did I get so ageist?"
I guess, when I ended up being the only person my age at my work and felt like I wasn't anywhere, I wasn't established in a family like the older crowd, or beginning a committed relationship like the younger crowd.
It's like no matter where I look, I'm wrong. And it does kind of rub my age in my face to watch people half a decade younger than me go through all the things I thought I'd have gone through half a decade ago.
All I can hope now is that being aware of it will make it hurt less.