Monday, 18 February 2008

Satiating Your Curiosity. Or Not.


So last week, some of you were chomping at the bit to know what was going on with the two guys and the email asking out and whatnot.

(What's that? You weren't chomping at the bit? Well, pretend you were, otherwise I've got no intro to this post.)

So, let's all settle down with a nice cup of cocoa and let Aunty Victoria tell her story shall we? Good.

Ok, so, once upon a time a girl named Me asked her boyfriend Smith for a break and then we stayed together and then Smith broke up with me and I was very very sad. Er. Angry. Um. Unhappy.

Fast forward several months and after a whole lot of thinking and introspection (no, really) I realize that I'll never be able to go into relationships quite the same way. This realization makes me realize (nice writing there kiddo) that I have no idea how to *be* in a healthy, normally paced relationship. (More on this in another post, I'm sure)

So I decide that it'd just be best if I didn't date or anything of the like for a while. I knew I'd have to get back into things eventually, but just wasn't ready. Still too hurt, I suppose.

And then I noticed that I was starting to think guys were cute again and having little imaginary crushes in my head. But still not wanting to date.

And then I met a really great guy through this amazing workshop I went to and we hit it off. We hit it off as friends, but there was always the slight hint that something else might be there. We started spending hours talking on the phone and hanging out with other people we'd met and I told myself that this would be a safe person to consider getting to know romantically. And maybe smooch.

We made plans to hang out, just the two of us, a couple of times, and each time he just didn't. Didn't call to cancel, didn't back out, just didn't. The first time I just figured he was busy or sick. The second time? I was mad. Mad at him, absolutely, but also fell back into the pattern of being mad at myself for "trusting" the "wrong guy". ("I know!" "Quotations!")

It just felt so harsh,that I'd been keeping myself emotionally safe and re-building my trust and this one situation blew all that to shreds.

Imagine, for example, if you had a fear of flying due to a crash you'd been in once, but you and your counsellor worked on it over and over and you finally get up the guts to take a small flight to see your best friend's wedding or something, and the damn plane crashes on you. Would you ever want to fly again? Hells no. (But you might want to write a song about it, no?)

So then I found myself FOR SURE not going to date or even try to be romantically involved with a guy ever ever ever again.

(Or, at least for a long while.)

And now, boys and girls, our story brings itself closer to present days. How's your cocoa, need a bit more?

But first, a flashback. *Lost style swooshy music*

A few years ago, a young(er) spy came to temp at our office. We (the girls and I) rated him on cuteness and such, but he had a girlfriend so wasn't of too much interest to us. That summer, young buck runs into my girlfriend from work and asks her out. She's amused and flattered, but after a coffee date, lets him know that she's not interested in dating for cultural reasons. I, by this time, have written him off because, dude? He asked my girlfriend out first.

At some point last year he emailed me and said that he'd always found me attractive and would I like to go out on a date. I mulled it over, still rather annoyed that I was his back up ask out, and sent him back an email saying that while I was flattered I wasn't up for that right now. He emailed back right away apologizing, saying that in the meantime (you know, the whole week or so it'd taken me to write back) he'd started seeing someone and maybe some other time.

Next time I heard from him I was going out with Smith and we laughed about our constant bad timing.

It was a complete surprise to me, however, to get an email from him, the week after I'd declared myself headed for the nunnery, asking if I'd like to get together and talking about just how wonderful he's always thought I was.

Um. Right. Except when you asked my friend out instead of me? (Bitter much? Me? Nah!)

I emailed him back and said that while I wasn't really up for dating, he'd be more than welcome to come hang out with me and my spy co-workers when we let our hair down after work some day.

I thought this was a perfectly reasonable idea seeing as I felt horror at the idea of having to go on a date and not knowing this guy, I'd be able to hang out with him in a relaxed environment while having fun with my friends.

He felt that this wasn't really an ideal scene for him, having to get to know five or six people at once instead of just me and explained that he'd really rather just hang out the two of us. He was very funny about it and promised to bring cue-cards to avoid any awkward conversational lulls. I'll give him that much, he's funny in his emails. For sure.

And, now I'm nearly starving to death because I've been typing this forever so I'm going to stop for a while. But to conclude, I haven't said yes and I haven't said no to this guy. I don't think I want to go out one on one with him but on the other hand, maybe I should. Maybe I should just go ahead and give it a shot? I don't know.

And that's only half the story. I haven't even told you anything about the *other* guy.

17 Comments:

Anonymous Tim said...

I'm exhausted now.

Monday, February 18, 2008 8:21:00 am  
Blogger dilling said...

I think that if think you "don't really want to..." that maybe you shouldn't. At least, ya know, date-like. The weather is nice so if you really want to see if a date is something you might "really" want, maybe a walk somewhere, coffee...something short enough for comfort, long enough to really know if you want it to go out, like "on a date." Ya know?
but if you don't "really" want to...a girl's gotta trust her instinct.

Monday, February 18, 2008 9:58:00 am  
Blogger Aurora said...

Yes he invited your friend out, but we can all make, like, ONE mistake. (Your other guy who didn't show--twice--now that's more than one mistake.) He's also honest about not wanting to get together in groups. Unfortunately neither you nor he sounds that interested in each other. I mean.. if you had a huge crush on someone... you'd jump at any time you could get with them, group or individual.

Monday, February 18, 2008 1:23:00 pm  
Blogger LeahA said...

dont trust guys ever

love kills slowly

but go and hold hands and smooch..

Monday, February 18, 2008 4:11:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Me too Tim! Whew.

Dilling,
Hmmmm...true. Maybe a non-date date, or... possibly not. I do know what you mean about the instinct though. A girl's gut knows. (Is that me or did that sound odd) Good points dude.

Aurora, yeah, I guess people are allowed to make a mistake,sure! : )
I agree with you though, it doesn't sound like either of us are *that* interested. True, true, true!


Leaha,
Sounds like I should send you some ice cream and wine... possibly some chocolate? I do like your final orders though "go hold hands and smooch!" ; )

Monday, February 18, 2008 5:26:00 pm  
Blogger The Single Girl said...

This hasn't satiated my curiousity at all! I am going to hold further comment until I hear the whole story. Or you should just go out with him. Wait ... who said that.

;)

Monday, February 18, 2008 7:06:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Errrrr... ok! ; )

Monday, February 18, 2008 7:51:00 pm  
Blogger Yvonne said...

Wow, I'm still shaking my head about no-show "workshop guy".

And I agree with the above, go with your gut.

Monday, February 18, 2008 8:36:00 pm  
Blogger McGone said...

Sweet Fancy Moses, that's complex. Has dating always been that complex?

Are you obligated - as a Canadian* - to link to Alanis Morissette every so often?



*I spelled it right for once. Didn't I?

Monday, February 18, 2008 8:42:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yvonne, some boys are silly, that's for sure. I'll see what happens with much trusting of the gut, indeedily.

McGone, I don't think it has, but apparently with the new dating regulations they brought in up here last year things have gotten a little bit more complicated.

And, yes, we're contractually obliged to mention Alanis every so often.

And, yes. You did. : )

Monday, February 18, 2008 9:03:00 pm  
Blogger Laura said...

I don't think you should ever go out on a date with someone out of a sense of "sigh... ugh I guess I should give him a chance." So my take on this one would be that you should probably pass on the date. You don't sound that interested in him... why do it if it doesn't sound like fun?

Monday, February 18, 2008 11:21:00 pm  
Blogger Alexandra said...

Sounds like you're not that interested. Just go out with your girlfriends instead.

Also, is it ok that I drank wine instead of hot cocoa while reading this?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 7:40:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Yeah, good point Laura, it's not really supposed to be a chore! ; )

Alexandra, it's totally ok! *high fives ya*

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 8:07:00 am  
Blogger LeahA said...

hahah i realized i sound bitter but i am not, actually i am quite the opposite...at the beginging of something exciting and real and butterfly giving :) :) :)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 9:15:00 am  
Blogger Victoria said...

Well, yay! Butterflies are good : )

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 10:19:00 am  
Anonymous Mrs. Wilson said...

Oh MAN! He kind of sounds like a creep, but the cue card thing is kind of funny ...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 12:43:00 pm  
Blogger Victoria said...

The cue card thing was funny : )

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 12:44:00 pm  

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