OK Fine, I'll Tell You Everything

It was Bird.

The "companion" I turned to last weekend? Bird.

Bird, Bird, Bird. Bird. Bird. *sigh*

So why didn't I mention it? Why didn't I come right out and say "Hey, guys, I asked Bird if he'd ever sleep with me."? Well it seemed like saying that would open the door right up for people to roll their eyes at me and judge. Which, you know, is kind of not something I like. Even from the occasional random stranger who has shown up here and put in an unsupportive comment or two. (Which, um, DELETED, but still, ow.) So, yeah, I was chicken.

See, the last time I said anything significant about Bird it was this: "I still hang out with Bird every once in a while and am no longer wanting to get him in my pants (it's subtly different from wanting to get in his pants) except when something sets my hormones raging."

So it didn't feel cool to have said that and then be turning around and saying, "Well, actually, about that...I kind of am back to wanting to get him in my pants. Sorry!" Not that I have to apologize to you guys or anything, I mean you're awesome...but still. It felt weird.

But it wasn't entirely random.

I really had stopped wanting anything from Bird beyond the occasional person to watch a video with and lean up against when watching said video, because that's a nice feeling and mammals are meant to touch. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

But then I ran into my ex. And in case you couldn't catch it here, it really threw me. Really.

I'm not in the same space I was when DD and I were together but running into him made me feel like I was in no space. Not there, but not quite here. It's hard to explain. I suddenly felt in limbo somehow.

It's been strange.

And sometimes when things are strange I cling to something as an "answer" And in this case, I fell back, for a few days, into wanting to be in a new relationship RIGHT NOW! Now. And I started thinking about Huck and how maybe if I ran into him he'd suddenly remember to fall in love with me and maybe I should drop everything and go to his workplace and bat my eyelashes at him 'till the noticed?

Got talked off that ledge. (Thanks S!)

And then I started thinking about Bird and how, even though 80% of the time he's not boyfriend material, maybe I could be his girlfriend the other 20% of the time and just put my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalala" while rocking back and forth therefore not noticing the rest of the time?

Talked myself off that ledge pretty quick. (Thanks Sanity!)

And that was that. Kind of.

Somehow, running into DD had not only flipped my "want boyfriend not single life now" switch, it also flipped my "want hot man action now" switch. And I didn't think much about it because I was too busy thinking who I should have as my new fantastic boyfriend, why hello stranger, are you single? Until a girlfriend and I went out for dessert and drinks. (Mmmmm, what a combo, I'm drooling just thinking about it) We got talking, as girlfriends do, about guys and I caught her up on stuff. And then Bird texted, slightly drunk from an outing with his buddies. And my girlfriend started laughing, this gleam in her eye.

"Why don't you just have sex with Bird" she said. (Yeah, our conversation had gone from guys to sex. It's typical girl talk, to be frank.) "Seriously. I mean, why not? He's hot, you guys get along, make out with him."

And it was like my brain was hearing it for the first time. Bird? No. We're not like that. Nah. Bird? Wha?

But I laughed it off, telling her it wasn't good timing anyway. (Ladies, you hear what I'm saying, right? And, yes, this could be a whole other blog post, but I think I'm not going to go there)

"Perfect!" she exclaimed. "Then you'll know you can only go so far with things and you can test out what it's like to make out with him!"

And again, I laughed, "Yeah, right. Bird wouldn't make out with me anyway, so it's a moot point." And we left it at that.

But my brain didn't. My brain started wondering... "Would Bird make out with me? Would Bird sleep with me? Huh." And, now I'll admit, I can be a stubborn person. And curious. And if you let things mull around in my head for long enough, often, something will come out of it.

Like me, turning to Bird (after we'd ended up at a pub that, last time I'd been there, ironically enough, had been with DD) and saying "So. Would you sleep with me?"






More on this soon.

Probably tomorrow.

For now, I've got to go get ready to see an awesome concert on my province's legislature lawn.

Happy BC Day y'all.

We're 150. ;)