Nature

I have a request of nature.

If I'm to be woken at who knows what o'clock by animals fighting (? or... making babies?)  I would appreciate if they could identify themselves.

See, at some point Wednesday night... yes, the night I was so exhausted I put myself to bed like a child, I was awoken by snarling.

You know, the snarling of something fighting (ahem?)

I'm generally pretty good at figuring out when it's cats (they have a particular yowl) or raccoons (because they're pretty common) but whatever it was would go snarl, snarl, snarl and then make a sound like, I swear, a guinea pig.  So like that high pitched... REEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So not only was I woken up by the fighting... but then my brain was like what on earth is making that noise?

I didn't want to open my eyes and get up to see if I could see but once they stopped I would have appreciated it if they'd announced "hi, we're 'possums, have a good rest of your night!" or something.

(I've never actually seen a possum but I also have no other guesses as to what might have made that noise...)

Pre Tantrum

I am writing this at 9:30 last night (cuz I'm setting this to post in the morning) but I just had to get off the phone because I felt like I was an over-tired five year old about to have a tantrum.

I actually said to Jason (who I was on the phone with) that I was sorry I was being grumpy and that I was going to get off the phone now before it got worse.  He said "well, I hope you have a good sleep" and y'all?  I'm not exaggerating, I yelled "I NEED IT!"

I must have startled him because he paused and said "sorry, what?"  And I yelled back at him "I NEED A GOOD SLEEP!"

And then I stopped myself and said that yeah, it was really time to get off the phone now and I really do feel like if I was five... or three... I was in that over tired space of being moments away from a tantrum.

I mean, I was yelling about needing sleep.... so, you know... maybe more sleep is needed?

Science!

A while ago, I mentioned that they installed new windows in our building.

The windows are still awesome and the bug screens amazing, yay!

I also learned an interesting thing... well ok, maybe not THAT interesting but still!

I noticed that when I close my blinds at night, they bash against the new windows if there's a wind.

But only if I turn them one way!

As in... if I turn them so that the slats (horizontal blinds) turn... "up"wards, no issue, but if I turn them "down"wards, bash bash bash!

I dunno, I think it's kind of interesting.  And while the "noisy" way blocks more light, if I notice it's windy in the evening, I now make sure to turn them the other way.

I'm sure I could investigate and tell you the actual reason behind it, but instead let's just say "science" and wave our hands like it's magic!  *science*

Halp!

I apologize in advance if you pick up on what I'm about to whine about but I've had Shania Twain's "You're Still The One" stuck in my head for close to a week now and it's ANNOYING!

I mean, I don't hate the song or anything, I'm pretty neutral about it (although I probably liked it when it came out I figure?) but I have no idea why it got into my head or why it won't go away!

It was replaced for a small while yesterday afternoon by "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" which wasn't much better and way way out of season, but yeah.  I have no idea if I heard one or both of these songs on a tv show or something because I can't think of another reason for them to have gotten so stuck in my head!

Sigh.... you're still the one y'all. 

Argh!

I accidentally helped a friend mow their jungle of a back yard yesterday.

I say "accidentally" because it was not planned... which I say because I didn't have "proper gear."

I mention this because I had a short sleeved shirt on and while I was weed whacking, I got "hit" by little bits of grass and stuff, duh.

But I say "argh" in the title because even after a shower I was still itchy and that was not a happy making feeling.

I'm not allergic to grass, never have been, and I'm not willing to pick up a new allergy now but man oh man that was not fun y'all!  GAH! 

(My friend did give me an allergy pill with dinner which seemed to help so phew)

You Know...

One of the benefits that comes from journalling (and yes, this blog is a journal - a personal online diary, not a fiction) is that sometimes you write something and as or after you write it you get an aha moment.

I had one of those yesterday.

As in I wrote what I wrote.  And then I finished writing it, and what I had said hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've been feeling so very unsettled.  And then I realized the why of it.  And I felt like "duh" and "holy crap" all at the same time.  I've been debating ever since about continuing to write about it, in the hopes it would give me more clarity.  Or peace.  Even if it meant knocking holes in the privacy wall I've put up.  Even if it meant exposing things I've been told it's better not to.  I dunno.

I'm also (unrelated...) half way through the year of flickr pro I bought in order to control the dumping of nearly a thousand photos flickr's new owners will do if I stay with a free account.  

I honestly really miss having photos on this blog.  I liked the visual.  I liked having an image break up the text from day to day.  But I don't want future dead links.  So I've stopped using photos, and haven't really figured out what to do going forward, image wise.

Now, cleaning up my photo collection is not a high priority but I do make time here and there and even having put a good few hours into it, I haven't really made a dent.  I don't want to pay for the pro account again but I'm aware I may have to.  I still think some grandfathering would have been nice, but I also understand they're running their business in the way they feel is best.  I just think since I used flickr in a slightly different way (to link to blog posts), I'm outside of their normal user sphere.

It is what it is, but I'm not making the progress I'd like to be making.  And, no, I don't have the skills to make a bot to do it for me, although I'm sure someone else could!

Oh, Life

(cue R.E.M.)

Life is so life-y and lately I've been wanting and wishing that I could pause, or reset or, I think I even said at one point that I'd like to put this book down and start another.  You know, change the channel to a "better" show?

Like I get it doesn't work that way.  Jason suggested upending everything and moving away and starting all over again but that's not me.  That's not the book I want to start.

I guess it's partly wanting to not be sick anymore.  Or do I say "unwell"?  It's partly, or maybe mainly due to my life being currently unsettled, SO unsettled by my unwell-ness and how that affects work/not work and just nothing is settled really... and maybe that's messing with me more than I realize.

I know, I know, you don't really know what's going on or where I'm at, I KNOW this because I haven't shared it, but I mean, ugh.  I'd like to use a melon baller to scoop out the parts of my mind I don't want anymore.  Nice and clean and tidy and only the good stuff left, please and thank you.

But, hey, it's the weekend.  Let's enjoy it shall we?

So Tired

Last night, in the middle of the night, in the middle of me being dead asleep, a car alarm went off.

Now usually when a car alarm goes off I might wake up, hear that it's far enough away and go back to sleep. 

This time, I woke up, and it took a while to process, but it was a very near car alarm.  As in, it might be MY car alarm.  Crud.

So it's 3 am and I was dead asleep so my thinking is not all that.... good.  But I look out the window and my car is not flashing, so it's not my car alarm.  But this doesn't actually register with my brain apparently (and the car alarm is super loud and super still going off) so I go into the hallway and grab my keys and I go to the window and I beep my car.  Because an alarm is going off.  But then I realize that I might have unlocked my car so I beep it locked.  But then I'm confused because I can't remember if I opened it or locked it and I don't actually want to make more beeping noises because there's already a lot of noise going off and hopefully I just locked my car?  But now my adrenaline is going and then the neighbour's car alarm gets shut off and I'm all aflutter but like, ok, I think my car is locked now???

I put the keys back and lie back down in bed and then I hear my neighbour come out so I get back up to peek out and he's, I guess checking to see why his alarm went off (which, geez, that didn't even occur to me! seriously...) and so I go back to bed but of course my body is all like WE WERE PANICKING BECAUSE WE WERE ASLEEP! and I was on like hyper alert to noises and I don't think I actually really slept at all the rest of the night and I just am so so tired.

I say no thank you to car alarms at three in the morning right outside.  No thank you!

Sky Confusion

Yesterday was COOOOOOLD (comparatively) but I was hoping for a week of rain to help against future dry/fire stuff happening, but now it's apparently going to be HOTTTTTT by this weekend and, well, all I know is that I love love love these longer days.  I so love them.

Plus I made a new cat friend, so there you go.

I Don't Want To Think About It

So this is one of those things I'd really rather not think too closely about but... I think a spider might have bitten me on my boob.

LALALALALALALALA!

I noticed a ... bump(?) last week and it wasn't anything I'd ever seen on my skin before, so my first concern was that it was some indication of something bad... like cancer.  I will, of course, be asking my doctor to take a look if it's still around next time I'm in, but as the days pass I'm starting to see it shrink in size so it's more likely... um... ew and ick.  And I do not not not want to think about when or where or how the alternative (GAH) might have happened! 

And I mean, even if some other bug rather than a spider I'm no happier about that because really, just no crawling on my skin just no.  No, stop, no, nuh uh!

Long Weekend Again!

Hi all,
Hope you have an opportunity for a long weekend.  I'm very grateful I do!
My brain started this morning with a series of stress-nightmares including my little brother (I don't have a little brother) and I running away from home.  Except he decided not to wear shoes because he'd just read about people who don't wear shoes but then his little feet hurt so I had to go back to the house to steal his crocs (I don't know!) without getting seen but hey, at least he had his hiking poles?
(Huh?)

D'Awwwww

I just discovered that an old (as in former, not as in elderly) co-worker of mine got married!  I have no idea when, but it's one of those people who had seemingly given up and resigned themselves to being single and now... yay!  HAPPY!

I'm so happy for them.  Yay for love and friendship and all those good things.

I Forget

I'm getting my eyes dilated today for the (I forget) test that you get with your (should be) regular eye exams.

I can't remember the last time I had it done, although I'm sure I did... maybe this is the one where I remember my eyes leaking orange tears?

Anyway, they reminded me I can't drive after, which makes me wonder who I asked to help me last time or what?!

I totally forget, but I'm sure it'll be all over before I know it.




Updated to add:  Ok, so things are a little blurry but I'm actually pretty used to that cuz I don't wear my glasses much and on days when I'm run down or under the weather, things get blurry.  But the brightness of that ball in the sky is BRIGHT and so that's the most "difficult" part.  As in, I'm inside right now, blinds down and sunglasses on.  I'm soooooooo cool man!

Where?

So, if we're assuming that missing socks get lost in the wash/dry cycle... where are we assuming missing tupperware (or whatever) lids go?

Because I suddenly have three little containers with no lids.  WHERE DID THEY GO????

Nope!

I do not want to think about where the giant ant came from or why it was on my pillow, NOPE!  I DO NOT!

Broken

Well, I think we've broken this current heat wave thingy... rain in the forecast, which I'm happy to have... the less likely we are to have a raging fire season, the happier I am.

Although there was an evacuation already in our province this week due to a fire.... sigh.

Anyway.

I know this weekend isn't always the easiest of weekends (it being Mother's Day here) so if it was a rough one for you for any reason, big hugs.

I gimped up my hip so took a rest day on Sunday and am feeling like it's on the mend, yay!

These are the fascinating ruminations of little old me, you're welcome!  (Please note, fascinating is totally in quotation marks here!)

Not Brr

It's still warm around these here parts and it reminded me of something I know I'm not alone on... or at least I'm pretty sure!

At night, even if it's totally toasty (which it is right now), I still have to have something over me!

It's like I can't fall asleep without at least a sheet over me, although I really don't know why.

(I do seem to "wake" half up at some point in the night to pull up more blankets but that's ok)

It's Here

Well, this weekend was the first time my apartment got warm.  As in, I ended up putting my blinds on my windows down for a few hours in the afternoon.  And I took off my top quilt. 

And then this weekend stayed warm.  Yesterday, I didn't even close my windows at night, it didn't cool down enough for that.  So I guess I'll say Spring/Summer is here?

It's hard to know these days when a season shifts as it's all a lot mushier than it used to be, but yeah, my blinds are down and my windows open and I guess the warmer weather is here now.  (For now?)

White Whale

Do any of you have a "white whale" of a book (or movie?)

As in, something that you can't quite figure out.... or get to...

Like, there was this book I read when I was young.  I really enjoyed it (as far as I can remember) and would love to read it again.

(Actually, as I type this I feel like I may have written about this here before but I shall proceed!)

The problem is that I don't remember enough about the book to find it again to re-read.  All I remember (and this is from when I was like 10 or something so the memory may not even be all that accurate!) is that the protagonist (girl) had to (?) to go a farm/ranch (?) and there were horses.  And, you know, HORSES!  (I loved horse books, as many do.)

I seem to remember there being forests involved or dark trees or something but my mind tells me something about flying over a farm house and the horse pen area and something something uncle maybe?  I dunno, I just wish I had any sort of solid information to go on to find this book (that maybe isn't all that great but in my mind it was!)

So... do you have something like that that you don't have enough info to quite figure out?

My Odd Little Brain

My half awake morning brain (as in my brain when I'm still sleeping but not in a deep sleep before I wake up) has been thinking some funny things lately.

Like, the other day, it came up with "zombie acne" as the most frightening thing.  Like... zombies with zits?  It was so scary at the time that I had to wake myself up to get out of that terrifying thought.  (And then I woke up more and just kind of laughed because.. really?)

And then this morning two people in my dream were being SO rude to each other I just had to wake up.  And by "rude" I mean they were using language like "jerk" or "you're lame".... so, you know, not ACTUALLY all that rude.

I guess I have to hope that no zombies with pimples start to speak and tell me I am a jerk or I might just lose my mind, heh.

Tick Tock

And here we are in May.

Somehow.  Again.

Even though I keep thinking that "2019" is next year.  You know, not... now. 

I had a rough week this week.  Some financial stuff and some work stuff, which are two of my biggest anxiety producers (or triggers, but that term gets a bit over and incorrectly used methinks) and while I've done my best to calm myself it's been a really high anxiety week.  Which is hard for a whole number of reasons.

When I take some time to look objectively at how I'm handling things, I do think there is and has been improvement.  And I don't think I'm quite as hard on myself as I used to be.  Which... hot damn it was a lot.

As I type this out my thoughts slip towards the things I'm super worried and anxious about right now and I don't want to think about that, because it makes me feel awful and I would rather continue feeling relatively ok, so... away I go back into the other things and I send you off into the weekend with good, happy, calm thoughts.

Factoids

I know a lot of weird factoids I'm not sure why I know.

Like, I saw a cool vehicle the other day and my brain said "oh, that's a Ranchero."  It was, but why did I know that?  I mean, I like old cars, but.... that was weird. 

And I know the manager/coach of Liverpool (football team)'s name and I'm not sure why as I don't really follow all that closely.

And then at the same time I can't remember what day my friend said she was going away.  So like, you know.... Ranchero for the win?

Oh Very Young

So many things I keep discovering as my body continues to get older every day.

Like... puffiness...

I watched a certain tv show this weekend and I cried a lot.  Like a LOT lot.  And although I'd stopped crying by the time I went to bed I was still puffy eyed a bit and a little sniffly.

But when I woke up the next morning, my eyes were still super puffy!  Like, they did not go down overnight!  PUFFY EYELIDS!

So even though I'd had a couple of hours of not lying down between my sobbing and my lying down to go to bed, my eyelids retained all that.. um... I'm not sure what... and then it didn't dissipate overnight.

Bodies... so fascinating.  And so many things I had no idea to be grateful for when I was younger.