Two Thirty Three

I have written two hundred and thirty three posts, apparently.

How did that happen?

Peer Pressure

Things are happening right now, man. "Things." Grown up things.

So many people I know got engaged recently. Like, yesterday, or last month, or at Christmas. And the people who weren't getting engaged were getting pregnant. Or doing what it takes to get pregnant so they could announce their pregnancies while everyone else was done announcing their engagements.

It's one thing to be single when people are getting engaged. You're happy for them while simultaneously wishing it was you all happily in love, but there's usually a sense of "someday".

It's another thing to be a woman who isn't planning on having a baby when everyone else seems to be announcing their pregnancies.

See, I have a couple of girlfriends, both happily married, who have chosen not to have kids and they're happy with their decision. As are their husbands. The only problem they have is with their friends and family. And the whole, entire world.

It was one thing to deal with peer pressure in high school when all your friends were drinking and you didn't want to, but how frustrating to have to deal with people expecting you to do something just because you have the physical capability to do so.

I don't know if my life will lead me to a place where I'll have children, but I do know I'll go through the stages of questions from some people.

I already get asked the inevitable "So? When are you getting married?" or "Why aren't you married ?" that women over a certain age hear from time to time. (Or, all the time from those distant relatives who mean well)

And I'm sure that once I meet Mister Perfect, the question will subtly change to "When are *you two* getting married?"

I also know that once I'm happily ensconced in my ever-after marriage, the question will become "So. When are you two having kids?" or "How long til we see some little ones running around?"

I know there's a natural, typical progression of things. I used to sing the songs in elementary school myself; you know "Fred and Suzie sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes LOVE, then comes MARRIAGE, then comes a BABY in a BABY CARRIAGE!" I know what our society thinks boys and girls are supposed to do: You kiss, you fall in love, you get married, you have a baby. End of story. I *know* many many people are very happy doing just this.

I just wish people were more sensitive.

I wish people had a different fallback question when talking to women, whether they're single, married, child-less, engaged, or what.

I would just like to see my girlfriends who don't want to have children not have to constantly defend their choice, to just be able to live happily ever after just the way things are.

Life happens. Growing up happens. People get engaged. People get pregnant. Let's just not assume that everyone is going to. And let's accept that not everyone wants to.

Enough with the pressure.

Sounds Like Somebody's Got a Case of the Mondays

Do you know what's funny? I don't think I hate Mondays as much as I'm supposed to.

I think it's mainly because I'm half asleep for most of the day.

Also, I tend to wake up on Mondays and think "Woo hoo, five more days til the weekend!"

Somehow it's Tuesday that kills me.

Thursdays are a little rough too.

I tell ya, I sure like Saturdays though!


Bueller? Bueller?*




*Yes, I've lost my mind. It's OK.

So?

So, when does the "guy you're seeing" transition to "your boyfriend"? Or.. girl to girlfriend...for that matter.

When do you start thinking about that person as your significant other? When do you start talking to your friends about your boy/girlfriend?

Is there a time line? Is there an event? Is it different each time?

So. Those of you with boyfriends or girlfriends. When did you do it? When did they become that? And why?

Don't you think it would be easier if we could exchange Letterman jackets or class rings.

Wait. Do people still do that and I just don't know?

Table Talk

So what's the protocol with workplace dating?

And, no, before you jump to conclusions, I'm not trying to date someone at work ( we super secret spies don't really date each other, it's all too "Mr and Mrs Smith" ) I'm just curious.

See, a couple of months ago, I went in for some massage therapy. The masseuse I ended up with was this really nice younger guy and I found myself wondering: what would this guy do if he wanted to ask me out? (One allows one's mind to wander when one is having one's back rubbed, leave me alone.) Could he? Would he?

Probably not, right?

But it must happen.

So where there's that sort of relationship, what happens if someone wants to try changing the dynamic? It's obvious that the client-type relationship would have to end, but.... maybe it'd be worth it for some people, to take that risk, that chance.

Are there some jobs where it's more... or less appropriate? Like, is a massage therapist OK, but a dentist not? Is a hairdresser off limits or not? What about... I dunno, your pharmacist or your gynecologist?

Now, don't over-react my lovelies, I'm not trying to date a masseuse. ( Although, the back rubs would be worth it, no? ) Just one of those thoughts that found itself rattling around in my otherwise empty brain.

I'd just hate to think someone would let someone great pass by just because of social expectations and protocol.

But then again, maybe those things are there for a reason.

Insane in the Membrane

You may not be able to tell from where you're sitting, but, I'm heading into another wicked-bad crunch time at work. Knock on wood, it should be a little easier than last time and I might even be a tiny little bit ahead of the game. (I probably shouldn't have said that just in case it turns out I curse myself with my optimism)

The reason I can tell it's a super busy time at work is that I spent all of this weekend doing really pointless things that I've been CONVINCED I had to do. Like? Oh, making sure all of the photos in my archives linked properly to my flickr account.

Yep. Very important. Had to be done.

Why does my brain do that? Does yours? Do you completely distract yourself from what really needs to get done with little things that could get done but really don't need to be? Or am I just crazy?

I know. I should probably write a post about how crazy busy I am instead of doing any work! That's an awesome idea!!!!!!! Wheeeee!

To the Older Gentleman at the Gym the Other Day

Dear Sir,
I'm not sure if you were aware (but on the other hand, I do not see how you could not have noticed) but when you came over from your side of the stretching room to stand over where I was lying, I had to turn my head away so as to not be looking directly up your shorts.

See, you had a perfectly clear spot of wall right next to where your mat was, you really didn't need to walk alllll the way across the room to stretch your hamstrings, did you?

Now, I'm not sure if this is an old-fashioned courting routine that I just don't have a clear understanding of, but, um... well, yeah.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to react, but if you could just be a teeny bit more aware of your own personal space and the space of your shorts, I'd really appreciate it.

'Kay, thanks!

To My Romance-Novel Husband To Be*

Ok, so I've got to ask, my handsome, kilt-wearing, long-hair tied back, future husband with the strong arms and romantic words...

Where are we going to meet? The rolling hills of Scotland? A ship in the ocean? Atop a field of golden wheat?

What are you going to rescue me from?

What dastardly situation are we going to have to work through?

And, most importantly, when am I going to realize that the attraction I've been fighting is really a deep love for you and all you stand for?



* Come on, tell me you're not in love with Jamie** too.


** OK, I totally cracked up when I found that site, but the Outlander books are really a great series. Really.


PS. I'm not really a big romance novel reader, but they're good when you just want to smile and not really think.

To The Girl Who's Engaged to That Guy

Honey?

Your man just tried to pick me up.

And when I said no, he moved on to the next girl.

It's you who should be moving on.

Quickly.

Happy... er... Wednesday?

For all those of you who are single and hating this day with all its happy couples and romance and why don't they just make a big sign pointing to me that says not everyone is happily married or engaged or even in a stupid relationship because I'm still single?

For all of you? Here's my advice. My thoughtful, sensible, knowing advice.


Just remember... before you even know it? In just a day or two? Well...



Just know, that a day or two from today, all the chocolate will be on sale and then who'll be laughing, huh?

You! That's right! You with your piles of inexpensively bought chocolate that you don't have to share with anyone! It'll be yours, all yours! (evil wicked laugh)

( I especially like trying to bite into the giant Hershey's Kisses. It's like an orgy of chocolate awesomeness. )


Happy Feb 14th, folks.

Fired

You know that feeling you get when you're instantly, powerfully, physically attracted to someone? When you look at them and without quite being able to put your finger on it, sometimes, you just have this animalistic attraction?

You know... that "rawr"?

I love it when I get that feeling, and I've always trusted that it meant something good. Maybe that the pheromones were right, or maybe that the other person was feeling the same way about me.

I don't always act on that "rawr" feeling. Maybe if I'd been a free-love child in the 70s, I might have gone around making love, not war, but I do take note of the feeling, and more often than not, I'll point out to my girlfriends that that particular guy right there is definitely not someone I'd kick out of bed.

Case in point: about a year ago, I was introduced to a well known, local musician. He's a talented fellow, ten or so years older than me, and he has the looks about him of a Keith Urban; not quite clean shaven, rough around the edges, a little bit worn, really not my type.

But man. This guy's a "rawr" if I ever met one. Big time.

I shook it off the first time I met him, because, really, he's not someone I'd ordinarily be attracted to, and well, he just shouldn't have had that effect on me. I struck it up to the G&Ts and the music and his obvious talent.

When I ran into him again last summer, I knew for certain that he was in that category of people, who for whatever reason, just set off something in my brain. Or, more to the point, set off something *not* in my brain.

Later in the summer, I was sitting around with some girlfriends talking about guys and attraction and all those good, girlfriend-talk things. We started talking about guys we wanted to sleep with, and I brought up this fellow's name. There was a lot of nodding and smiling, and more than a few of my friends admitted that they too found him strangely attractive. We were laughing a lot about this when my friend's Mom joined us at the table. She told us that she'd known this fellow for years and she, too, had felt that he was an unreasonably attractive man.

And then she said something interesting. Something slightly mood killing.

She said that she believes that that "rawr" feeling is the result of two people with equal neuroses meeting. She said that when you feel that instant, hot heat of attraction you should avoid it because it's something in you recognizing that you've met someone just as messed up as you are. Or, at least, messed up in the same ways that you are.

I'm not sure if this is the case with this musician, seeing as so many of the women I've talked to find him alluring and attractive, but it is something to ponder. Some of my least healthy relationships started with a very strong, very quick, physical attraction.

But, maybe it's all just co-incidence. My most healthy relationships also started out with that instant, intense physical attraction.

I'm a strong believer in chemistry and pheromones and things that we don't fully understand.

And I'm not worried about meeting someone "as messed up" as I am. I'm quite happy with my state of messed-up-edness and I think I'm aware enough of my strengths and weaknesses that I could happily find myself in a relationship with someone who had the a similar psyche.

Besides, I'm not about to get into a relationship where there's no "rawr" at all. I mean, what would be the fun in that?

So, here's a question for you: Is that intense, initial physical attraction something to follow, or something to run away from?

Dude, That Was Weird

OK, so remember that time when I had that weird money thing when everything I bought just kept on coming out to even numbers or like, sixty seven dollars and sixty seven cents and stuff like that?

Well, get this. I was just "balancing" my checkbook ( I say balancing lightly because, come on, there's no balance.... it leans very heavily one way ) and the amount I spent on groceries just now was exactly what was left in my account. Leaving me with exactly zero dollars and zero cents. (Don't worry your pretty little heads, I've got a line of credit and overdraft protection and all that fancy grown up stuff. *pats self on back*) How weird is that? Spending EXACTLY how much you have left in your account without even knowing it ( I had made other purchases earlier..... mmmmm... books) I mean, who gets their account to exactly $0.00? Cool!

Maybe I should be on Lost, what with my super cool number co-incidences and stuff. Maybe I should be the character who gets to get it on with Desmond and his accent! What a great idea!


PS I promise I'll spend less next month kay?

The Mind is a Strange and Wonderful Thing

Many, many years ago (ie. twenty) I had to memorize a poem for school. So, with my Dad's guidance, I chose a poem I liked, memorized it, read it at the poetry reading, and won a small trophy for my efforts.

As I was in the shower this afternoon, out of nowhere, the poem suddenly started running through my head. So, here, for you to enjoy is one of the classics that has always rung true for me and which apparently, still resides, unforgotten, in the recesses of my mind.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-- Robert Frost --

To the Guy Trying to Pick Me Up in the Hotel Elevator in Regina*

Dude,

"You sure clean up nice" is not going to cut it as a pick up line.


Seriously now. Get in the game.





* Don't panic y'all, I didn't say what you thought I said. I said REgina. Regina.

Have You Ever Wondered?

Have you ever wondered why they call it "falling" for someone?

Is it because it's scary as hell and you can't see it coming?

Is it because you can't stop once you've gone over the edge?

Is it because it makes your stomach feel the way you feel in a really fast elevator, where your body's going down but the rest of you is staying still?

Or, is it because, if you just relax and enjoy it, you'll realize it's an amazing thing?

Time for Lost, Must Run!

So, I'm fine, I'm busy, and I have interesting things to tell you.

Well, two out of three ain't bad, right?

*starts singing*

Just in Case You Were Wondering

Apparently they only make two types of Valentine's cards.


1. Funny ones that make a sex joke.

Ex. You're hot and I want to sleep with you, happy Valentine's Day!


or

2. Ones that scream out your undying love.

Ex. FOREVER WILL I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU FOREVER. SO MUCH. LOTS!


What about the good old "be mine?" Huh? What about that? Doesn't anyone just ask someone to be their Valentine anymore.... like in the good ol' days?


Cuz maybe not all of us single folks want to make sex jokes or profess undying love quite yet.



*Grumbles at the marketing geniuses who ruined yet another holiday.*


(goes back to thinking about the good ol' days)

Lit

Sometimes I wish I could fast forward into the future to see how things end up.

I maybe even sometimes flip near the end of a book to see if a character's name re-appears or if it's all going to turn out ok. (And yes, I ruined the last Harry Potter for myself that way)

When I used to read blogs, I never knew what the people meant when they said they were "crypto-blogging". I used to wonder whey they didn't just talk about whatever it was they weren't talking about. I think I'm starting to understand.

Sometimes you can't quite put it into words that will make sense anywhere outside of your own brain. ( Actually...that happens to me quite a lot. )

I spent time last week with two very different, but great guys...both of them unavailable in their own ways...both of them attractive to me in their own ways. When I realized I was attracted to a guy who was attracted back (nevermind two...) I panicked. Little old single me panicked at the idea of even considering getting into a relationship again and what that all means.

The colleague is a great guy. Funny, nice. Did I mention the non-stop laughing and all the hilarity that ensued? The inside jokes and goofing off when work was supposed to be done? It was really fun hanging out with him. Good. Fun. Oh, did I mention his girlfriend? Of three years?

Yeah.

Maybe this is someone I can add to my list of male friends. He's not single and maybe it's better that way. It was just really cool to hang out with someone and get along so well.

And life, being life, decided to show me that that couple of days hanging out with a guy was just the start of the roller coaster. Was just the part where the coaster is slowly moving up...up... up.

I've had some incredibly happy moments this week and some incredibly confusing, startlingly anxiety-filled ones. And as three separate people have told me this week after hearing me breifly explain what's going on, "I'm toast".

There was that dinner party on Sunday. And the guy my friends have been trying to set me up with for months was there. All the way from the other side of the country. Literally. And I can't even tell you what I think about him. But there's a connection and it's almost too much for me to deal with. Plus, I'm not sure our lifestyles are compatible. And to be honest, I don't think I want to talk about it. He'll hear about this site soon enough and I can't imagine how odd it would be to read about yourself in this kind of situation so I'll just leave it at this: he's handsome and fit and kind and romantic ( yes ladies, they DO exist ) and he keeps telling me he's crazy about me. (I keep telling him he's just crazy. We've agreed to disagree.)

I may be getting in way over my head here and I'm not entirely sure I know how to swim. Anyone have any water wings they can loan me? I'd like to make sure I don't drown.

I'm not sure I trust my instincts anymore and that leaves me wondering what to trust. The head? It thinks too much. The heart? It doesn't think enough.

So, you see, there's some heavy stuff. And this isn't a heavy place. I don't want it to be. Life is wonderful and amazing and oh such a joyful place and I like it that way. I like it here. I like my three readers.

So, I'm still single. Still got my bed all to myself.

Wish me well, wish me the best, but don't be surprised if you never hear me mention this guy again. Let's just pretend he doesn't exist. Kind of like my job. It doesn't exist either.

Nudge, nudge, say no more. A nudge's as good as a wink to a blind bat eh?