Saturday, 31 May 2008

I'm Just Saying

This cold must really be getting to me because I just spent ten minutes looking at vending machine videos on YouTube.

I didn't even know there *were* vending machine videos on YouTube.

Friday, 30 May 2008


This may be the coolest thing I've ever seen on the internet.


Thursday, 29 May 2008


I believe it was Albert Einstein who said (and allow me some paraphrasing if you will) "You can not solve a problem with the same thinking that created it."

Ever wish you could get out of your own head? Your own thoughts? Ever wish you could turn off the internal chatter?

I know I do.

Check this out for a really fascinating look at our brains.

Makes me wonder how many of my problems are my own making. How many of my "issues" are just me trying to re-hash a problem with the exact same thinking that got me into it.

Food for thought, certainly.

Wednesday, 28 May 2008


- I feel like it's been ages since I've had a cold or been sick. Good thing this one's a doozy.

- Almond milk, while my new favourite "non dairy" drink, still tastes thin in tea. Know what I mean? Thin?

-I suppose "thin" is a fair thing to have to put up with to be pain free. Yay pain free! Although, I did sneak in that ice cream cone last weekend and the pain was (almost) worth it.

-No, I'm not lactose intolerant. Go figure.

-I took a sick day yesterday. Apparently the spy world did not fall apart without me. Huh.

-I will go back to work today just to make sure, though.

-What, exactly, happened to May anyway? I swear it only just started.

-Anyone want to bring me food and tuck me under my blankie on the couch?

-I don't remember reading the last two chapters of my book.

-I'm more excited than anyone I know that So You Think You Can Dance is back on.

-Yes, it was Swiftsure weekend again. Yes, I think it was the chocolate martini that allowed my cold to take hold. Curses alcohol and your ability to lull my immune system into submission!

-I went on a yacht.

-It was fancier than my apartment. And bigger.

-I was intimidated.

-Apparently Bird is a "dink". These are not my words. Nor are they his.

-Anyone ever wonder how cold medicine is supposed to help a runny nose and a stuffed up nose at the same time? Isn't that.... counter-productive or something?

-Yes, I may have taken some cold medication, why do you ask?

Monday, 26 May 2008


I'm supposed to be writing something here but I hab a code and I can't seem to make anything make sense.

I mean, more than usual.

I'll be back.



I promise.


Saturday, 24 May 2008


We all know we're not supposed to want a boyfriend/girlfriend to change. We all know we're supposed to fall in love with someone for who they are not for who you want them to be, but I think what has(n't) gone on with Bird has given me a better understanding of how this happens.

I think what I tend to do when I'm falling for someone, or interested in them, is focus on all their good points, their positive traits.

I see only the good.

And it's only when I settle in to the relationship that I see things that don't sit well with me; selfishness, lack of follow-through, thoughtlessness, etc. But by then it tends to be "too late" in my mind; I've fallen for him, I've committed to this relationship and this love and I'd darn well better make it work.

So, I try to forget the bad and focus on the good, but it never works. And, yet, in the past I've still hung on. Still hoped that the good I first saw in him would outweigh the other things. That the bad would disappear, that he'd grow out of it, that he'd see how much his actions/behaviours were hurting me and would stop.

That's what you do when you love someone, no? Make an effort to care for them and not hurt them?

It hasn't always worked well for me, doing this backwards version of falling for someone. Head over heels, blindly diving in.

So this thing with Bird has been good for me. Easy? No. It's a struggle at times, for sure.

But, different from what I'd have done in the past, I went in slowly. I went in and learned about some of the traits he has that don't jibe with me and the way I want to be in a relationship and I made decisions with that knowledge in mind.

As I said, though, it's not easy. Old habits die hard, and I find myself just wanting to jump right in and ignore all the bad and focus on the good. And focus on how much I like the good.

But I'm working at reminding myself that there's bad right along with the good. And that in this case, I'm not willing to overlook it and blindly dive in.

I wish Bird were different and that he always followed through on what he said he was going to do, but he's not. Maybe he'll change, maybe he won't. But I need to remind myself (sometimes a lot) that there's nothing I can do to change him and his patterns and habits.

Doesn't make him a bad person. Just makes me have to move on, which, honestly, is sad and hurts.

But I find I'm mourning the loss of someone who didn't really exist anywhere else but my "dive in blindly" mind. Once I get over that, I may find a good friend.

Or not.

Only time will tell.

Just gotta make sure I see it all, not just what I want to see.

Friday, 23 May 2008


Today is a good day.

Yesterday was a good day.

I'm guessing tomorrow will be a good day.

There's light shining through my window before I'm even out of bed and there's light hanging on in the evenings late, late, late.

I'm adoring the long days.

I really like that photo too.

Things are good.

Thursday, 22 May 2008

J is for Jethro Tull. And. . . ?

For reasons that won't make sense to anyone but me, Jethro Tull's "To Cry You a Song" once saved my life. Right song, right lyrics, right time.

Most people know Aqualung, but my favourite Jethro Tull song is one I (strangely enough) only heard for the first time this year (go figure) "Thick as a Brick." It's a song I feel like playing when I'm really annoyed at someone for being a less than decent human being. Plus, it's pretty damn awesome.

Jethro Tull - Thick as a Brick

So, here's where you come in, my lovelies.

Who's your favourite "J" band or artist, and, if you had to pick only one of their songs, which would it be?

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Seriously. This happened.

I was driving to work last week and as I got to the intersection I noticed that the car in front of me and the car in front of me in the lane next to me (if you get what I mean) were the exact same car; blue Toyota Echos.

As I was thinking about what a funky co-incidence that was I looked at their license plates and saw that the last three letters of their plates (in BC our licenses are three numbers and then three letters) were EXACTLY the same.

So I was thinking this was pretty spooky, two of the exact same colour, exact same type of cars with pretty much the same license plate numbers when the light turned green.

Being a good driver, I glanced in my rear view mirror before I took off.

And, I kid you not, the car behind me?




Yes, I freaked out a little, especially when the car from the lane over moved into our lane and I realized I was completely sandwiched between three identical blue Toyota Echos.

Crazy, eh?

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

To The Checkout Guy at The Store

You were so darn adorable, I just wanted to take you home and make you hot cocoa.
Thanks for the smiles and stuff.

Sunday, 18 May 2008


Happy Me Long Weekend everyone!

The sun is here and I'm absolutely giddy with it.

And with the extra super awesome three day long weekend of course.

Wooo hooooo!

Have a good one, and if you don't have sun or a long weekend, I promise to have extra fun just for you. 'Kay?


Saturday, 17 May 2008

The Men in My Life Who Are Not Bird. A Status Update.

1. Cute temp spy worker guy: I flirted with him, we all went out for drinks, I clarified my single status, he was surprised I was single, he has a partner* in another country he visits regularly. (I think. This information was whispered to me by a co-worker while he was making a phone call so I'll have to find some crafty way to confirm.)

*Single men should not be allowed to talk about having a "partner" as it makes one wonder what is meant. Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Business associate? Lover? Ex? Long term committed true love of your life? Or, if they're going to use the term, they should at least be legally required to insert their partner's name. As in, "My partner Julie and I" That'd help.

2. Runner Girl's Shy but Sweet Friend: We chat via email. We've tried to hang out a couple of times but haven't managed to as our schedules don't seem to line up well. I'll probably run into him again at some point.

3. Cute guy I've had a crush on forever: I've decided to keep this as a crush for now so as not to find out that he's less than I've dreamed of. Plus, I don't really feel like initiating a relationship right now. Maybe he'll suddenly remember how he knows me and will call up our mutual friend(s) and ask for my number. (Good dream, eh?)

4. Young Buck Co-worker, Runner Guy, All of my Exes: Disappeared, never to be heard of again.

Friday, 16 May 2008

I is for Incongruous

Adj: Not in harmony or keeping with the surroundings or other aspects of something

You know how sometimes things just don't sit right with you? When things don't work with how you feel or view yourself or someone else or the world?

I worry about the way we treat each other. It doesn't seem right to me. It's incongruous. It's not how we're built. It's not why we're here.

Light up the darkness.

Thursday, 15 May 2008


I made a deal with a friend that we'd each give something up for a week that was hard to give up.

He said chocolate, I said "using the computers after 7:30 at night, AND sugar".

(Why I decided to be an over-achiever is beyond me.)

Giving up using the computer in the evenings has been really nice, actually... mellows out my brain. Means a few people wonder where I've been, but I think I may keep it up.

Giving up sugar, however? (Even though I'm supposed to anyway per Doctor's orders) IS FRIGGIN HARD!

Someone tell me this stuff's not addictive and I'll tell you all about my withdrawal symptoms and cravings and the fact that I may accidentally injure someone at work because I can't have my "first thing in the morning" candy or five.

The fact that I'm finding this so hard should be some indication to me that I's gots me a little problem with the sweet stuff.

Is there a Sugarholics Anonymous by any chance? Anyone want to be my sponsor?

Wait.... I don't think I want to quit!

Damn, it's worse than I thought.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

They say that you're growing the most when you're struggling.

Or that you know you're changing when things are difficult. Or challenging. Uncomfortable.

They say that changing habits and patterns involves growing new neural pathways and that that's hard; feels odd.

No wonder children cry so much. It must all just feel so odd sometimes.

I've been going through a lot of personal. . .whatever you want to call it these past few years and I'll be the first to say it's not easy. And it's not exactly fun, either.

Some of it has been documented, in part, here, with the hope that something I say will resonate with someone out there and will help them in some way. I like that about the internet; you can connect with people through words and you realize that we're all not so very different in some ways, while still being utterly unique creatures.

I find that I'm just a little low at the moment. It feels like every time I get into a relationship situation it throws me back a bit and I lose some of what I'd gained in terms of being truer to myself and being happier. Calmer. More grounded and centered.

I think now, more than ever, I need to be single. Very single.

And that's going to have to be ok.

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

To the Older Gentleman at the Gym Today

Dear Sir,

While I'm happy that the girl you're currently seeing is not a slut, I think you should know that there are some conversations that are more suited for your buddy's living room or the local bar and this was, most definitely, one of them.

Yours sincerely,

(The girl on the treadmill two down from you who kept having to turn the volume up on her iPod)

Monday, 12 May 2008

H is for Holiday

I was asked a challenging question this weekend, but have decided (after much thinking) that my favourite holiday spot is probably the Mayan Riviera, Mexico.

What's yours?

Saturday, 10 May 2008


I know I sometimes wish I had a partner to cuddle with and hang out with and be in a relationship with, but I have to say this too...

I love going to bed when I want, reading as late as I want and being able to sleep on both sides of the bed.

I also love waking up having grabbed my teddy bear at some point during the night and knowing I got good hugs from someone who loves me.

Friday, 9 May 2008

G is for Grandparents

I didn't have Grandparents around when I was growing up.

It's not something I ever missed, particularly, because I didn't have anything to compare it to.

I've talked a couple of times here about not knowing about having kids, but lately, the only time I find myself wishing I had a husband and baby on the way is when I think of my parents. It sounds odd, but sometimes I think I'd like to have a child just so my Mom and Dad could be Grandparents to my baby.

I'm figuring that having a child isn't something you do for someone else though. But I guess I hope that if I do decide to have children that my parents are around to enjoy it.

Since I don't have any significant Grandparent memories to share, other than talking to my Grandma every Christmas and Mother's Day, what are your best memories with your Grandparents?

Thursday, 8 May 2008


I have nothing to say except that my weather widget tells me it's raining outside when in fact it's very very sunny.

This strikes me as odd.

Hmmm, know what else would be odd?

If every time you thought "hmm, that strikes me as odd" something hit you in the head. You know, striking you.

You ever feel like you broke the internet?

Wednesday, 7 May 2008


I am extremely proud to be a first generation Canadian* and love both my homeland and this country I grew up in.

Canada's a wonderful country and I love the gentle joy I find here. We are good people.

What's the *best* thing about your country?

*meaning my parents immigrated here from another country but I was born here, and get to have dual Citizenship, yay!

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

A Couple of Things

First of all, I got the giggles at the dentist today.

I randomly something funny that happened at work and once I started giggling just. couldn't. stop!

I *honestly* had to make myself think of sad things like dead puppies, but then fact that I was forcing myself to think of dead puppies struck me as funny.

Thank goodness the hygenist cleaning my teeth was understanding.

And quick.

Second of all, Blogger has introduced advanced publishing, or whatever they call it; so that you can write a post and have it post itself at a certain time in the future.

I used to so wish it had this feature, but now that it's here I don't know if I'm going to use it much, if ever because it disturbs my routine of writing a post the night (or a few nights) before and then publishing it before I leave for work in the morning.

I kind of like that routine because it means I publish in the morning and then come home from work and check for comments to answer. I worry that if I let Blogger self-publish I'd get out of the routine and would forget to read comments, which is one of my favourite things about this whole site.

It's funny how I assumed it'd be awesome if it was here and now that it is I'm not so sure. Maybe I'll still use it if I go away for a couple of days or something, but that would feel weird to me; like I was writing but not actually there. Ghost writing. Spoooooooky!

Monday, 5 May 2008

F is for Food

I have an interesting and complicated relationship with food, as many (all?) of us do.

In a lot of ways I think I'm lucky that I'm not heavy. I've eaten badly for a long time and have been a huge fan of junk food. I also tend to eat when I'm upset and as we know, that can get you into a lot of trouble.

For those of you who've been around a while and pay attention to my non-relationship rants, you may remember me mentioning a couple of times that I had something "wrong" with my stomach.

The latest in my series of adventures trying to find out just what this something was led me to an allergist who's got me on a food-restricted diet (heh, I just typed "died" by mistake, my fingers make the best typos ever) for a couple of weeks. All of a sudden, my complicated relationship with food is made even more so.

No longer can I go into the cupboard and grab my favourite treat or snack, for a couple of weeks I have to avoid...well, pretty much everything I'd normally eat, and certainly all snack type foods.

It's been hard being on this "diet". I can't go out to eat, (hence me meeting Bird at a pub and not being able to order anything) I can't randomly reach for something, I have to check every single ingredient in those ingredients lists to make sure I'm not eating the thing my Doctor thinks might be causing my stomach pain. It's really really weird to be doing this because it's made me realize how much I take food for granted; how much I take being able to choose what I eat based on what I feel like eating for granted.

It's complicated trying to think of something you'd like to eat that you're also allowed to eat. It's a good thing that this town's got a lot of "alternative" grocery stores so that if I find out there are certain things I can't eat, I'm sure I'll be able to find substitutes. (Did you know they make goat yogurt, for example? You do now!) I'm just not sure there's a good substitute for the stuff I really miss: candy and chocolate.

I've been told that after the first week, the sugar and chocolate cravings will die down, but right now I feel for everyone who's ever gone cold turkey quitting something.


And, it's been hardest after a rough day, or when I'm feeling down to think that I don't have any food I can turn to for a little comfort or a pick me up. Because, as much as I love fresh fruit, that apple just isn't making up for the chocolate bar I'd really like to be eating.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this food thing (or with this post, really) but I'm hoping that I can take a whole lot of good out of the experience and learn to treat my body better and learn to eat healthier and more mindfully.

I'm also hoping I can go back to having some of my favourite snack/junk foods again at some point. All in moderation, of course.

Saturday, 3 May 2008

Sunshine Makes Me Giddy You See

So there's this guy who comes in to do contract spy work for us every once in a while and he's pretty cute. (We've all agreed on this, the spy ladies)

He emailed me through work after he'd been in to check on some spy stuff and clarify a few ninja type questions he had and I thought that was pretty cool since usually contract workers don't bother to follow up with us once they've gone.

He's emailed me now each time he's come in to work in my area and when I was off work at a doctor's appointment, he emailed to say he hoped I was feeling better soon.

This simple, polite email made me feel quite giddy and giggly and I can't tell if it's because I was lying, relaxed in the sun when I read it, or if it was because a boy emailed me and I'm twelve years old again.

Probably a combo, eh?

Updated to add: Damnit, nevermind. He emailed another co-worker too, no more girlie fantasies there.

Friday, 2 May 2008


Discovery Channel - Boom De Yada

This video, which I first saw on Angella's site, gives me goosebumps.

How cool is our home?

How cool are people who work on/with/for it?

I'm going to go ahead and answer those two questions for you: Very.

Thursday, 1 May 2008

F is for . . . ?

When I first sat down to write an "F is for" post, the words that came to mind were. . . . less than appropriate, shall we say?

I found myself only able to think of words that started with F and ended with "ing" and would make people blush, giggle, be offended, or, alternately, call my Mom. None of which seemed like a good plan.

But really what does F stand for for me right now?

I'm drawing a blank on F words that I want to talk about. Fashion? Nope. Furniture? Nope. The Bay of Fundy? Never been there. Fish? Not really.

Oh, hey! I thought of one! F is for Fans.

I know, it's a little lame, but next time you're travelling, especially if you're travelling somewhere warmish, take a fan with you. You know, one of those paper folding fans? They're totally awesome when you're somewhere with no air conditioning or breezes and you think you might faint like the southern belle you really are. And you wouldn't believe the jealous looks you get when all the hot sweaty people realize you have your own, portable breeze.

Well, I'm assuming they were jealous looks. I wasn't really paying attention, I was too busy feeling cooooooooooooool.

Updated: Aaaaaand just after I finished writing this post I realized that F is for Food, of course! So, maybe another F post if I get around to it.
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2018 and then some.) Kay? Kay.