Boo!

Happy All Hallow's Eve folks.


End of night update: My tum tum hurts. But not like this... (Stay away if you are of a delicate nature, this link makes reference to wommit.) Hope you all had a great Hallowe'en!

A Little Help Please?

I can't shake the feeling that I've forgotten something.

Something important.


I'd feel a whole lot better if I could just remember what it is I've forgotten.

Typecasting

I realized something really weird today. I don't typically end up going out with guys I'm attracted to.

OK. Let me explain.

I am immediately attracted to a certain type of guy. Runners, soccer players, triathletes. I love em. It's partly their body type and it's partly their attitude. Guys who play soccer at a high level are my least favourite of the three, but long distance runners and triathletes are generally really neat guys. They're dedicated, they're determined, they're fit, and in my experience, they don't take life too seriously. I love em.

The thing I realized today is that only one of my relationships was with a guy who fits into any of these categories.

Why is that? Are those types of guys not attracted to me? Do I get so shy around them they never think to ask me out? Are they not dating me because I'm not out there running marathons with them? What is it? Do they not have the time to ask me out what with all the dedication and determination and training?

I've gone on dates with soccer guys and runners and triathletes, but only once has it turned into a relationship. And he wasn't training seriously at the time.

So why is it? Why am I attracted to these types of guys but never end up being in relationships with them? And on the flip side of that, why have my last several relationships been with guys who haven't seen fitness as a priority in their lives?

I know my previous relationships have all been with guys I've been attracted to and interested in, but still. . . where's my athlete?

Do you have to be one to get one?

Time For Change

Someone want to tell me why, exactly, I need it to be getting dark at five pm instead of six?

I'm just going to spend the next couple of weeks talking about what time it *actually* is and being bummed out about having to go to work and come home in the dark anyway.

Poopy McPooperson.

*Goes off to pout*

*In the dark*

Uh

In case you didn't know?

Drunk people are loud.

Kay.

Call Me Crazy

I'm heading off for a coupla days, so I might not be able to approve the bazillions of comments you leave. Shouldn't stop you from commenting though, right? Right!

If you're stuck for something to read, head on over to Fussy's NaBloPoMo page and check out that list o' blogs. Or, check out the blogs of the cool people who comment here! Or, go read a book. They're cool too! And, easier to read in bed!

If you wanted, you could leave me some ideas of things you'd like me to post about during NaBloPoMo and I'll see what I can do! No promises though . . . peer pressure = writer's block don't cha know?

Other than that... go out and have some fun. this is the weekend before Hallowe'en after all.

Be safe, call a cab, and drink lots of water. It helps with the hangover.

And don't eat too many mini-chocolate bars. They're (supposed to be) for the kids!

Hot, Hot, Hot.

I have a couple of male friends who are pretty damn hot. (No, not the guy in the photo, he's hot, but I have no idea who he is.)

A couple of times I've thought about how it might feel to take one of my hot friends and go out to one of my ex's haunts. I've thought through how great it'd feel to rub it in his face that my new (pretend) boyfriend is super hot and so nice to me and aren't we having so much fun?

I know. Not much point in it.

I know. I'd probably end up bitter and disappointed in myself.

I know. It wouldn't work out the way I'd planned.

I know. It's dumb.

But still. When I play it through in my head the ex always ends up feeling so badly that he broke up with me. He realizes his mistake and right there in the bar he drops on his knees and begs my forgiveness and tells me he knows I'm the one for him. At which point, my super hunky (boy)friend tells him he's missed his chance and I'm with him now. My ex then goes off home and re-thinks his life and never ever throws away a great girl again.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Dreams. So nice.

Is that a wicked thing to think about? Am I totally insane? Does it mean that I'm still sane because I *haven't* done it? Sigh. Exes. They should all have to move away to another country to become monks. Unhappy ones.

Fortune 500

I couldn't get into blogger for a loooooooong time this evening.

As I was trying to sign in for the fourth or eighth time, I got a little dorky and mumbled "blogger down" (when I'm feeling particularly dorky, I tend to talk like Tarzan. ie. Me hungry. Me sleepy. Blogger down.) This, of course, made me burst out laughing.

I was standing in the kitchen saying "blogger down" like I was calling it in to dispatch. Walkie talkie noises and everything... It was awesomely fun.

I was going to sign in and blog about how funny it was, but, of course, blogger was down so I couldn't, which made me laugh even more.

Then I started saying it with a Scottish accent, "Blogger doon!" (a la: So I Married an Axe Murderer) Which caused continuing hilarity.

In my head.

It's fun in there!

So, yeah. Blogger's been down.

In case you were wondering.

I, however? Have not! ; )

Awkward

Once upon a time, my friends convinced me I should go on a date with this guy. I wasn't attracted to him but he was always nice to us so when he asked me if I'd like to go for coffee or something, I said sure.

After the initial small talk wore off, he started to tell me about his hobby. Nascar. Watching.

He told me about the cars he liked to watch and the accessories he had purchased (remember that Friends episode when Joey bought the Porche hat and gloves and jacket?) and the races he had seen and, unfortunately, I couldn't have been less interested. Well, I could have been, but not by a lot.

I felt badly when he walked me to my car because I *really* didn't want to have to deal with a goodbye kiss or a lack of one. I think I said something to him like "Well, this is the awkward moment, huh?" but I managed to get away without having to kiss him. There may have been a hug and a "Thankyou."

I didn't hear from him again so I figured he hadn't felt any connection either.

About a month later, I was sitting around drinking with my girlfriends when one of them asked how the date had gone. I told them that it wasn't the best but that it was ok since he had obviously felt the same way. It was at that point that another friend burst out laughing. We all turned to her.

"No, he totally liked you!" she giggled "But I told him that he'd bored you to death with the Nascar and you would never return his call so there was no point in him calling you!"

Poor guy.

I never told her that, but it's probably not too far from the truth. I'm honestly relieved that he didn't call because I didn't have to tell him I wasn't interested in another date and I didn't have to go through the awkwardness. I just feel badly that my friend shot him down without even checking with me first. Someone doing my dirty work without my knowledge feels wrong. Not since grade 7 have I asked someone to break up with a guy for me. (And that was only because another girl said she'd beat me up if I didn't dump him. Long story. ) I don't know.

Dating is just awkward, no matter what. But it's especially so when the attraction isn't mutual. Or when Nascar is involved. At great length.



PS. I didn't have my date at the Penny Farthing (pictured above), but you could. It's fun!

No Pressure Sales Pressure

My poor little car isn't feeling very well. I've been thinking for a while now that it may be time to buy a new car rather than constantly having repairs done on this one.

So this weekend, while my car was in the shop getting some work done, a couple of friends of mine took me to a local car dealership to test drive a car.

I was kind of looking forward to it.

I had a guy there so that I wouldn't be treated like a little lady and I had a girlfriend there so we could talk about girl stuff while the guys were being all car-like. Alloy? Drive-train? Huh? How about some of that there free hot-chocolate? So yeah.

I hated it.

The dude who cornered us in the lot explained that he wasn't a car salesman but an access specialist who was there to empower me to make the best choice and that since their cars had no markup and there wasn't any negotiating to be done how much did I want to spend?

I didn't know if I should laugh at him or run away from him but I just hated the whole experience. I had to sign away my life to take a car for a drive. After I'd signed a contract in blood promising him my first born child he told me to remember that they closed at six. I looked at my watch and seeing as there was half an hour til six, I told him I'd be back in fifteen/twenty minutes. "Take your time" he drawled. Uh, dude? You just told me to be back at six. I can't "take my time" if I've only got half an hour. Make up your mind.

I don't know if this is the experience I'm going to encounter with all car salesmen... or... comfort specialists, or whatever they are, but I'd really rather they just came out and said "Hi. I want you to buy a car from me. I know you'll be spending lots of money and that's kind of scary so let's make it fun and easy. Help me make a sale and I'll help you get a good deal."

Telling someone that there is no sales pressure on a car sales lot... well, that just doesn't work. It's baloney. I've worked commission sales, I know how it all works.

So, yeah. I may just not bother with the whole new car thing. Maybe I'll win one instead. That'd be fun.

PS. "I'm-not-a-sales-dude" dude just called to check in! LOL

Jack Bauer: 25

That's right. Twenty-FIVE. 24 is *so* last year.

You see, I've found a rogue quarter. I've named it Jack. It's currently under a pile of fruit. I think.

I was at the Dentist this morning (look, aren't my teeth sparkly?) and since I had an hour or so left before I had to go back to work (look, still at home!) I decided to pick up some groceries. (Look, I can eat tonight!)

As I was pulling my receipt out of my purse (to enter it into Quicken, aren't I a great budgeter?) a quarter had caught itself up in the folded receipt and backflipped into one of my grocery bags. I made a mental not to retrieve it later. (Cuz, dude, a quarter is like practically a whole dollar, almost.) After I'd put away the perishables (I kind of love that word) and checked my email and comments (I have priorities, people, and your comments are them!) I went back to put away the rest of my groceries.

I emptied out the bag-with-quarter-in and dumped it upside down to get the quarter out. The quarter did some kind of funky maneuver and ended up deep inside another bag. I then carefully emptied out that bag, making a pile on the counter, at which point, the quarter leapt from the bag and buried itself deep under a bunch of apples and a package of spaghetti.

I don't know what the quarter is trying to do. Or trying to avoid. I don't know if its life goal is to be spent or to never have to see the inside of a cash register. So, I'm trying to figure out what the best plan is.

I think I'm going to put away the rest of the groceries, go to work, and see where the quarter is once I get home.

I mean, who am I to get in the way of little Jack Quarter's quest for saving ... uh... saving the pennies from being put into rolls? (Look, I'm really not crazy, this little quarter had a PLAN! It was not going to stay quietly in the change pocket of my purse, brother.*)






*OK, would Desmond from LOST be as deliciously hunky if he didn't call everyone brother?

Wait...

This is only Monday?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

The Delicate Art of Male Friendship

I have some wonderful male friends who mean the world to me. I turn to them when I am broken hearted or need advice or when my car won't start or when I want a good laugh or when I need to watch the Canucks game or when I need to cry. I love these guys. Muchly, muchly.

These wonderful guys, these amazing male friends, are all married to (or as good as married to) my best friends. Maybe I care about them so much because they are an extension of my friends and because I love them for the joy they give to my friends. They are cool dudes and great friends, but they are not single males. Single males are tricky things for me to be friends with.

I don't really have any single, male friends. There are a few guys I hang out with once in a while that I consider friends, but, with all but one of them, I've done some smooching, so in my mind, they don't count. (Wow, that was a long awkward sentence, huh?)

For me, these guys don't count as male friends because the sex thing has played into it, even if minorly. So, there are a few guys who aren't boyfriends (and won't ever be, and that's really ok) but who I don't really consider as "just friends". I'm not completely relaxed around them because that tension is there. Even if it's just flirting and innuendos. I know we've passed a "just friends" stage into something different. And it's good in its own way. It's just not friendship.

At some point a couple of years ago, I told myself to find some male friends I could hang out with without worrying about the whole attraction thing. After failing at the endeavor with a fellow last year, I've managed to start a friendship with a nice guy this year where I don't have to worry about the sex thing. At some point, maybe, we could have been more than friends, but when that point didn't happen, or was passed, I realized it was probably better off that way and that I was happier it hadn't gone that way.

But I still fret. I wonder if the status quo will last or if he'll change. The guy I knew before and I had an awesome friendship starting, but things went... off. Where I felt I'd been clear about my feelings, he felt I'd led him on. I've been wary of male friendship ever since. Once bitten, twice shy they say.

I'm hoping my choice in this new friend is a wiser one. I'm hoping there's no time when he wants something I don't. I'm hoping you don't all write me comments telling me that you married your male friend and I should just "let things happen". I don't want to go there. I really don't. That's the whole point. I want a male friend who is *just* a friend. It's important to me. I don't want to have to worry about romantic feelings with at least one single male in my life.

I know lots of girls who have tons of single male friends. I don't. I know lots of girls who are friends with their exes. I'm not. Single males are a species I don't generally count as "friends." I see them as something to date or someone who does or doesn't want to date me. I want to have at least one male friend who is just that. A male. And a friend. I think it'd be a good thing. I just hope it's a possibility. I think it is.

Hello? Anyone? (Echo... Echo... Echo... )

There never seems to be anyone around here on the weekends.

Are y'all just reading at work? Is that what it is? Do I have to tell on you?

I got asked to go to a party tonight. By text message. I have no idea who has asked me. Wheeeeeeee!

Sorry "Brian". Have fun at the party though, eh?

Crunch Time

I have two days left to decide if I want to return my new camera. I don't know what to do.

I really wanted a skinny little digital I could throw into my pocket or my purse so that I'd have a camera with me all the time. So I got this guy. But every time I take a photo with it, so far, I realize it's far from the quality I've come to expect from my other camera. I'm disappointed.

I need to decide in the next day or two if I really want to give up a few hundred dollars for a camera I don't like (yet) just so that I can have a camera with me at all times. I have to decide if I'll learn to like this camera once I figure it out. I have to decide if there's a better, small camera out there that's not wildly more expensive. I have to shake my head at myself for being affluent enough to consider this a "problem" when it's really quite ridiculous. If I don't return it by Sunday, I can't return it.

Awesome how I left the decision to the last possible moment eh?

Yeah.

Saturday: I'm going to take it back. I went out for a walk today, it's clear and sunny. (And cold, I think my nose fell off. ) I took a few photos. I don't love them. With my car all breaking down-like, I'm not going to spend four hundred dollars on a camera I don't love. I'll just have to get used to bringing my big ol' camera more places with me. Maybe I'll have to buy a new purse so it'll fit. Purse? Bag? Whaddya call em? Satchel?

Lacking in Self-Discipline

I'm working from home today people.

In theory.

See, they're doing a "lighting upgrade" at work today and we were told we could work from home if we wanted to so as to keep out of the way of the (pretty darn grumpy) lighting dudes.

So, heck yes I'll work from home! In my pyjamas! Just think of how much work I'll get done sitting on my couch all comfy and quiet with no one to interrupt me.

Except I forgot that my home has the internets. And that I love checking sites and reading random stuff on the internets and world wide webs. Sigh. It's nearly 11 and I can't say I've done much actual working. OK. None. Ooops!

I considered driving myself in to work just for the quiet space and proper motivation but then I remembered I took my car into the shop last night because it's acting funny and I wanted the auto-men to look at it while I was safe at home. So now I'm stranded here. Gak!

So I'm going to try to get down to work now. I'm considering disabling my internet for a while and hiding the cleaning supplies so that I don't suddenly decide my apartment needs cleaning! I'm a dork.


But work will be done today folks.



Just as soon as I finish giving my nails a little manicure...

Say it Again!

My hairdresser uses AG's bigwigg on my hair when she styles it after a cut. I liked the name of the stuff so much that I went and bought me some. BigWigg. I got me some BigWigg. Heh. Well, I also figured that if my hairdresser uses it every time it must be important. Somehow.

It's supposed to add volume to my roots or volumize my hair's volume or give me roots ( and wings? ) or something like that. I don't really know what it's supposed to do but it's called Big Wigg so it doesn't really matter. What an awesome name!

So if you see me (or some other hot chick* you want to strike up conversation with) ask me what products I use in my hair just so I can say "bigwigg!"

Because I like saying it.

Go on, say it! I use Biggwigg! In my hair!

But, if I'm being completely honest, I don't actually use it in my hair. That would mean I styled my hair or had some idea of how and when to apply said "product". All I know is that my hairdresser sprays it on to my head after she's washed my hair and given me a scalp massage, so I'm usually all relaxed and sleepy. Then she makes me flip my head upside down while she blow dries my hair and I sit there wondering just how red my face is going while staring at her shoes. But after she's done, my hair looks great and continues looking great for days after. It must be the bigwigg, right? (not the cut or shampooing or professional styling...nope!)

I wonder if anyone actually uses the stuff to make their wig... big? BIGWIGG!

P.S. I have no idea why I felt the need to tell you all that I bought hair stuff. I'm weird sometimes. Or.. maybe... often? Y'all think I'm totally insane now right? If you didn't think so before, you're now sure? Sigh.



* This is probably the only place I'd actually refer to myself as a "hot chick". (Because I can and because it's fun.) I'm by no means what my brother would call "a girl who fell off the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down" (although, I think an ugly stick slapped me around a bit in highschool....ugh) but I don't usually refer to myself as "hot". (Although, I bet if I styled my hair with the bigwigg and all I'd be ravishing! Yep, yep!)

Lies

There's a song by a group called Stabilo by the name of "Flawed Design"

I really like the song, but when I took a minute to look at the lyrics (something I don't always do with every song) I realized the words made me really uncomfortable. If you don't know the song, I've transcribed some of the song's lyrics here.

When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run

Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
And I wanted it

'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time.
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed.

I wish this song didn't resonate with me so much, but it does. I have come out of relationships and after some time and distance, realized that the guy I was with had been lying to me. When I read the words in this song I felt ill. It reminded me that there are people out there who are not honest with their lovers and partners. People cheat, people lie, people manipulate and it hurts when you're the recipient of that behaviour.

I believe that, in general, people are good. But I guess I wanted to post this so that girls who haven't already been through what I have know that you can't just trust a guy because you want to. I believe strongly in gut feelings and listening to your friends and loved ones. When you're in a relationship and you keep telling yourself nothing's wrong . . . maybe something is. Not all guys are honest. Find the ones who are.

Let's all watch out for each other, eh? Guys too.

Nothing is Ever Easy *

I had to work with this guy the other week that I found extremely attractive. My co-worker rolled her eyes and laughed when I pointed out that I had been grouped with the most attractive guy there.

This fellow and I were both very professional about things but as the day progressed so did an obvious mutual attraction.

He had a ring on his left hand, and he talked about his two young kids but I found myself stupidly wondering if maybe he was divorced or not *really* married or the kids weren't his or something. Anything. Any reason that would make it possible for the two of us to form some sort of relationship.

The more time I spent with him, the more he smiled at me, the more we shared private laughs at little things, the more I found my logical brain working against me. I knew that I didn't want to be in a relationship with this man and his two kids (and wife) but I still really wanted to be in a relationship with him.

Maybe in some other lifetime things would have been different, but I left at the end of the day honestly disappointed that I couldn't know more about him and be with him in a decent relationship. It was a very strange experience all-round and I'm not doing justice to the feelings and emotions I was having. At the end of the day, we shook hands and I needed to look away. I walked away from him even though I didn't want to, and I found myself wondering what he was thinking as he watched me when our group thanked his for their time.

When I talked about flirting a couple of days ago, this kind of thing wasn't on my mind. This wasn't creepy or sleazy. It was just there. There wasn't really flirting, but there was indication of mutual attraction. Strong. Confusing. Not helpful.

It sure as hell left me wondering what it's all about.




*A quote from a character in one of my favourite books.


P.S. I posted this and then I recinded the posting almost right away. (That's totally not the right use of "recind" but I really felt like using it so.. yeah) The reason is that after I wrote this post I realized I'd forgotten to add something. I think one of the reasons I found this whole experience so .... confusing is that this guy really reminded me of my ex. Something about him, some trait, some way of moving or maybe the way he looked at me just felt so ... like my ex. I think that may have been one of the reasons I got so muddled up. And why I felt so strongly towards this guy. I think a lot of me was reacting to that feeling of familiarity. And, quite possibly, I was attracted to the feeling more than the person.

So.. there you go. A post-post babble.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive... If I Can Figure it Out, That Is

One of my (now quite possibly four or five) readers emailed and asked me if I had an RSS feed.

I responded with an intelligent... "Huh"?

So after consulting with my cleverly computer smart buddy (Hi buddy!) I can now say I have an RSS feed.

I think.

I don't really know what it's for or nothin' but if you want it... here it is.... somewhere.

Probably.

; )