Celebratory

Wishing you all a very happy Canada Day long weekend and/or a happy USA day or just a happy "thank goodness it's the weekend" or whatever might make you happy.

A few small anectodes of no particular importance...

I made myself motion sick last night by watching a video of someone loading an old school film projector (it was a POV video, I assume a go pro or something on a hat?)  It was awful, and makes me shake my head at myself at the fact that no, when I say I get car sick, I'm seriously not kidding.  (P.S.  Motion sickness sucks... and so does being half asleep on Gravol if you are worried you might get motion sick!)

I have a blister on the bottom of one foot that hasn't gone away so today I put a special blister bandaid on it and that thing lasted about half a block.  LE SIGH.

My slippers have a hole in them (it's new) on the same foot (and similar area) to the blister.  Maybe I walk super hard on that foot?

If you're a resident of British Columbia, the government is asking for feedback about Daylight Savings... I think you know MY personal feeling, but the government would like to know what yours is... https://engage.gov.bc.ca/daylightsavingtime/

Dang

Yesterday I thought it was for sure Friday....

Spoiler... it wasn't even Thursday.

Sigh.

Long week is long... apparently.



Edited to add:  I wasn't really able to sleep last night, but I did get to lie there listening to the much needed rain.  Here's hoping for more rain (and more sleep!)

Upsetting

A couple of weekends ago myself, and at least one other neighbour that I spoke to, had to get through a really difficult night.

From time to time, I'll hear animal noises outside at night.  Sometimes I'm sure it's cat's fighting (or... the other f-word-ing), but sometimes I've looked out and seen raccoons.

I know they're around, probably more than most of us are aware, but yeah, over the years I've heard them and seen them and it's possible that some of that screeching is them rather than cats, I suppose.

But on this particular night there was an unusual noise that I wondered about and then forgot about as I watched whatever show I was watching.

I heard the noise again for a bit when I paused the show, but it wasn't until I went to bed that I realized this noise was happening pretty much non stop.

As the night went on, the noise got louder, and more horrifying.  I promise you I'm not exaggerating, the noise was really awful to hear... the raccoon was either terrified or in pain or some combination of both and the noise it was making was really hard to listen to.  I had no idea what to do.

Earplugs didn't help.  Closing my windows didn't help.  There was nothing I could see outside and I didn't think it was worthy of a 911 call... so I just... suffered through the night.  I assumed it would tire out and I suppose it must have at some point but the next morning, as soon as I was slightly awake, I could hear it out there screaming again.

And this happened all morning too.

I ran into the aforementioned neighbour who asked me if I'd heard that awful noise all night and I said yes and that I didn't know what to do.  The neighbour went into the next building's yard and saw that there was indeed a raccoon trapped in whatever kind of trap it was.  She (my neighbour) was then asked to leave and stop tresspassing so she too didn't know what to do next.

I looked up some numbers online and sent some emails and then got told to contact a part of the SPCA and it wasn't until Monday that they were able to get back to me.  I told them that this raccoon had been screaming for probably two days straight but that we hadn't heard it in a few hours (by Monday morning it had been quiet for a bit... I didn't know if it was dead or had been taken away or what).  They informed me that they were going to send someone to the address just in case and that those types of traps legally have to be checked every 24 hours (which is still a long time to have to listen to a terrified animal scream but fair enough.)

They checked in with me another couple of times, but knock on wood, I haven't heard anything since then.  I don't know if the raccoon in question is ok, or got moved or what.  My neighbour talked to someone else in the building where it occurred and according to that person the animal "control" people that their strata had hired said that they would "frighten off" the raccoons to "teach them a lesson" so... ugh.  And that the strata had gotten them to deal with the raccoons because they were digging up their lawn.  Which... the only thing the internet said was that a raccoon MIGHT dig up newly planted turf if there were worms/bugs under it for the eating. 

I don't know how anyone in that building could have slept through that night, and I certainly hope their next strata meeting had a different tone to it.

As for me, I hope to never hear an animal struggling like that again.... certainly not for all those hours.  And I hope the little creature is ok.  It's hard to hear an animal in pain or fear, it was a terrifically upsetting experience.

Ouch

Yesterday I ran afoul of a stomach badness.

I would say "a stomach bug" but I'm pretty sure I did it to myself, so.... you know.  Ow.

Last week was a rough week.  We had a sadness happen in our town and it hit a lot of people really hard, myself included and I spent a lot of the weekend crying and crying; overwhelmed by all the sadness and hurting and the not so great things that go on in the world from day to day and time to time.

On Sunday, Jason asked if I wanted to hang out.  His roomies were out of town which meant we could just hang out and I wouldn't have to socialize (as I wasn't in the mood or headspace for that at all.) 

I knew I was being bad, but I suppose I emotionally didn't care, and so I bought junk food.... gluten-filled junk food.... comfort junk food like cupcakes and pie and Jason made us a brunch with english muffins and I sort of said "hey, screw it" and ate all the gluten and I didn't even take my "maybe it works, maybe it doesn't?" gluten helping pill I just ate it all.

And as we had dinner Sunday night, and a cupcake for dessert, I started to feel not so great.  "Hmmm, that was probably the cupcake" I thought to myself.  So I only took ONE home.

(sigh)

I was super nauseated in bed Sunday night but managed to get myself to sleep and then I didn't think anything of it yesterday morning and hey, there's a cupcake in my fridge, I'm going to have that for breakfast YAY!  Except then not yay.  Not yay at all and then it was a matter of hopefully keeping down the stomach meds (painful success) and then dealing with trying not to vomit all day, and then pain and cramps and just like not fun.  "Stomach badness"

I really only have myself to blame.  And sure, maybe some of you are kindly wanting to say hey, no, sounds like you caught a bug or something and sure, maybe, maybe I did?  But until I have had no gluten at all in my poor tummy, I can't really say if it was "a bug" or just my body going uh you know this stuff makes us really sick right?  (What I'm saying is that if I had had NO gluten at all on Sunday and still felt that ill I could say it was a bug or something in the other food....)

So, yeah, as much as I oh so totally do actually love gluten.... I think I may have caused myself a great amount of pain, discomfort and nausea from said love.

Le sigh.

Why'd it gotta be in so many things I love?

Detectives

Hey all!  Be a detective for/with me, would ya? 

You're only going to have the little info I give you and really I'm just making conversation, not actually anything all that important.

So starting last week or so, I noticed a humming when I go to bed.  I heard something similar last summer and I assumed it was an air conditioning unit, but this year, when the noise started, it was a cooler night, so I thought hmmm, ok, not an air conditioner then?

Where my bedroom is, I have a bedroom above me, a "living room" next to me and I think a bedroom below me (It was renovated when they reno-victed us so I've never been quite sure, just assuming... it used to be storage units, now we have none GAH! Ahem.)

I *think* the noise is happening during the day too, but it's harder to hear, most likely because there is more noise around during the day than at night.  Again, I'm assuming...

So I'm wondering if you have guesses as to what it might be making this humming!?

Knowing that I'm pretty sensitive to noise....  (Like, when I'm hanging at Jason's, if his amplifier is "on", the noise can drive me nuts... but this is much much louder than that.) And this has NOT gone on all year, it's a new noise, but possibly the same or similar to one that came up last year.

Most likely an air.. something or other... purifier?  Filter?  Conditioner?  Something that's maybe run all day and I just notice it most of all in the quiet of night?  Possibly something only to do with summer months?  I have no real, solid idea.

I looked at the windows on the same side as my bedroom window and so far no air conditioning units sticking out (which I assume they "have" to be?  could be wrong...)

Solstice

It's Solstice... which I hate to admit... always makes me sad.

I love the days being this long... and, well, you know what today means...

I know it's a special day and lots of folks celebrate, so I'm going to try to do the same.

But oh, these long days.  They make such a difference for me, they really do.

Happy Summer my friends.  (Or Winter perhaps.)  Happy Solstice.

Shine

I was looking for a photo in my "I think this might work" photo system and I came across this one and it reminded me I haven't been to a car show in ages.  This is the time of year where they happen quite a lot.... but I'm still not sure I'll make it to any.  (Oh well.)

I got kind of stressed when I got home last night.  A few things just sort of piled up and stressed me out and then I realized I didn't have a post ready for this morning and that kind of made me panic.  Which let me tell you is a SUCKY feeling and no fun.  Like, the opposite of fun. 

Sigh.

My own car does some weird thing from time to time that whenever I mention it to Jason he says it has something to do with changes in atmospheric (barometric?) pressure.  Which I can't for the life of me understand.  I mentioned it to someone else and they asked me how old my car is and I said about 10 years old (which makes me sad) and they said "oh, well, it's an old car letting you know it's old" and, well, that made me super sad.  I still feel like my car is new.  (So does its mileage!)  I wish things lasted forever and that wear and tear wasn't a thing.

Oh, where, oh where is my lottery win?  (Cuz then I don't have to worry about any potential future car repair issues!)

She's A Brick.... Wall

(That, you see, children, [she says, pointing up at the post title] is a reference to the 1997 hit song "Brick House" by the Commodores!  It popped into my head and I thought it was amusing to myself if no one else, the end!)

I really am trying, and have been for a while, to talk about the THING, the change, the old normal that never has given me back a normal or whatever.  I have half posts started in my head quite often... most regularly at night as I lie in bed and tell myself "I'll remember this in the morning but right now I just want to sleep" and then... no.. it's not remembered.  But I also have been sitting down to write lately and I realized today that it's not so much like writer's block... it's more like hitting a writer's brick wall (cue title song... she's a briiiickkk....... HOUSE.   ahem)

I'm just feeling really like it's a bigger difficulty to actually start than I realized.  Or expected.

I suppose I'm still protecting myself and maybe that block is what's making it feel like if I say things out loud the sky will indeed fall Chicken Little...

I'm no Kool-Aid man... I haven't managed to OOOOH YEAH my way through that wall quite yet but I'm trying.  Because sometimes I feel like maybe if I "talk", it might help.

(And maybe not just me)

Ah Ha!

Ah ha (she says, before knowing if it actually works the way she thinks it will...) look, a photo!

(Fiddles around with it in the "compose post" window and hopes for the best when it actually publishes.)

I still haven't sorted out my flickr account... at this point it's looking like I'll just have to suck it up and pay for another year of Pro to literally buy myself the time to keep hacking away at deleting and tidying.  I know there's been mumblings of not complaining about something that's free, but the thing is I've been with flickr a long time.  I paid for a Pro account for a long time too.  And I really enjoyed flickr and the community of photographers (and bloggers!) there.  Then they were bought and sold and bought and sold (or something like that) and things changed pretty dramatically.  I started to get less interaction and actual spam.  And then porn spam.  (Yep, it's a thing apparently)  And then one of the new owners said that they would give a ridiculous amount of photo storage for free and the combo of that and the decline in interaction made me no longer feel like paying.  Plus I'd opened a new account that was slightly less anonymous and so this particular account was just for my blogging.  So my frustration is, as I've said, the "well, I've been around a long time and put up with a lot and it kind of now feels unfair" sort of feeling.  Plus, I'm not really using the service actively anymore (as in I haven't uploaded photos in years) but I do understand what the new owners are trying to do (hint: make, not lose money) and it's one of those "it is what it is" kind of situations.

I think I figured out how to not triple post photos.  It's a little complicated probably, but as I download the photos I'm removing from the account, I'll store them in a folder... and then once I've used them (for the not so secret second time!) here, I'll move them into a different folder and store them on a hard drive.  I'm sure it's not the smartest/bestest idea but it's the one I have so that's what's happening!

The photos will likely not match, just be more of that visual break I've really missed.  But some of them may have a story.  That I may or may not remember, or tell.

This photo I seem to remember is one of the first few I took with this new fangled thing they called a "digital" camera.

I remember talking to a guy in a camera store who told me it was just a fad and not going to take off.

Well...er... I mean I still shoot with film and hope to always do so as it just feels different and my brain shoots differently on film, but, well, digital totally did take off and now my phone is a camera too, you know!

So yeah, long story short, this is/was a test post to see if I've figured out how to upload a photo rather than linking it from flickr and hopefully it doesn't give away my first born child's home address or my bank account information or anything like that!

Mew

Well of COURSE I had plans to spend my Sunday afternoon writing posts, I did!

But then my friends I don't see enough called and wanted to know if I was free to hang out so I did that instead.  So I'm happy, and tired and blog post-less.

But I do still remember my bad dream from yesterday morning so that's what I'll mumble about!

So in this dream (which was what I call a "stress" dream... as in it feels so stressful it wakes me up) I had four small cats.  Two were young and the other two were little kittens.  So like four kittens, but two super young kittens (if that makes sense... like two teens and two baby cats... anyway...)

So I had these cats and I kept them in a compartmentalized travel case.  Like, the type of cat carrier to use to take them to the vet or something but this one had four little apartments and was lit up inside.  (I don't know, my brain just makes this stuff up!)

I had this little routine with them down pat.  I'd take them out, feed them (yum, yum happy kitties!) and then put them back into the carrier for nap time.  Then they'd come out later, and play, and I'd make sure they didn't go downstairs (and get lost, duh).  Then I did this over four days (in the dream) and it was so much fun and adorable and I was so happy.

And then I realized I hadn't been letting them poop (?)  Like there was nowhere for them to go and so they hadn't (I'm not quite sure on that part just that I realized they hadn't pooped in the four days I'd had them) AND, I hadn't been giving them water, just the food.  Oh crap!

So I was suddenly scared and worried that they were going to get sick or maybe already were, so I went to ask for help and the first lady I asked was like this "snobby, rich" lady who was sort of a step mom or something to me ? and she just looked down her nose at me and said "I do not like cats." So that was no help.  Then I went to ask my friend who I knew would know but she was at a big, fancy dinner party and I felt so bad interrupting but I did, but then she was flustered and I was so upset that I woke up.

I figure the dream was less about the cats and more about me feeling like I'm not doing well at something and maybe that I'm missing something important almost by accident and that there's no one willing to help me fix the problem.  Or, you know, something along those lines.  Because yeah, I don't have a cat.  Or four.

And also, apparently, I never should because I forget things like water and pooping!

Hope you had a nice weekend!

Uh

So, when I woke up this morning, the first thought that popped into my head was "faraday cage" and I honest to goodness have absolutely no idea why.

Like, really...

Ahhhhhhhhh

I actually slept last night.  I think it may have been in no small part due to the fact that it was a normal temperature.

I was actually excited to be able to use my comforter and not just a sheet!

Man is a good night's sleep ever a game changer, eh?

With Regards To The Heat

If I could, I would marry the tiny breeze that is every so once in a while sneaking in through my window.

I would marry it SO hard.

(PS  It's hot here)

Ever After

When I was little (so you know, not that long ago cuz clearly I'm not ALL that old!!!) I used to wish upon shooting stars that I would "live happily ever after".

I know, I'm not supposed to tell my wish or else it won't come true, but I think that wish was generic enough I'm safe.  I try to make them more specific these days...

When I was very young, I think that meant what I saw around me.  My parents; raising kids, having a great house and yard, going camping, being happy together married.

I remember going to a lot of weddings when I was a kid and thinking that this was a big yes for me.  The outfits, the ceremony, the food and cake!  And always with that sense of "happily ever after".

I remember watching Princess Diana's wedding and more than anything wanting that train.  I think I knew I'd probably not marry a prince (although who knows?) but that I could probably still have a super long train on my eventual wedding dress. 

I think for most of my life that idea of being a married person was what I wanted to give me that happily ever after.  I mean, that's what happened to all the fairy tale (and Disney) princesses, wasn't it?  "Saved" by the gorgeous man (prince!) and whisked off to a rich, easy, filled with dreamy love life?!

I went to a fair number of weddings when I was not a kid too.  Friends.  And for a time, friends of friends.  I remember at one point thinking to myself "I'm going to have to invite all these people to my wedding, just to get a gift back from them, geez!" because it was always such an expensive thing.

The last two weddings I've attended I was in the bridal party.  It was awesome and wonderful to be able to support my friends on the day they declared just how much they loved their chosen partner.

I've got a lot of solid marriages in my life.  And a few divorces too.  But I'm happy for everyone who is happy in their marriage.  And my "choose not to get married" friends.  They're happy too.

My dreams are more specific these days, although "happily ever after" is still something I will go for, for sure!

A wedding is no longer something I feel like I want to spend a whole lot of hard earned money on, and at this point, there isn't even necessarily going to be one.  Who knows.

I'm not sure what got me thinking about weddings today.  It just kind of happened.  I don't think I'll be having a train like Princess Diana had.  I doubt I'll be getting married in a chapel.  Or to a prince.  I guess we'll see what the future brings.  If anything.  Or anyone.

Ugh...

And now it's Monday night (as I type this) and I'm exhausted and drained and do not have the brainpower to even think about what I might post about.

Have a good Tuesday.... I'll try to sit down and write some soon.

Before

My life right now feels like it has a "before" and an "after".

A time when something happened..... changed... and nothing has been quite the same since.

Before, I used to write a week's worth of blog posts on a Sunday and let them post throughout the week.  I liked doing that a lot.

I would sometimes write other times as well, but by the end of the night Sunday, I knew I could relax and that the storytelling would happen throughout the week and I'd just keep an eye on comments and make mental notes on what I might want to talk about the next time I sat down to write.

Well, after.... that didn't happen anymore.  Because I couldn't write about almost anything.  Because I didn't want to write about a lot of things.  Most notably, "the" thing.

I'm sure I've hinted at it or mumbled my way through attempted secretive tellings of and around it but one thing's for certain, I got out of my habit of weekend writing.

So here I am, Sunday night.  Having had the intention to spend part of today writing out a week's worth of posts but inspiration did not happen.  The muse is still on a smoke break.  Or something.  All expenses paid trip to the sub Saharan desert, I don't know.  So I'm probably going to have to do some forcing or pushing of myself until I can break through that lack.  That block.  That missing.

I've been waiting for things to go back to normal.  But it's been a long long time and it may be that "normal" isn't coming back.

At least not in a way I recognize.

But the long days are here, and that is giving me so much.

So much.

Oh!

Yesterday I was over at a friend's place and they had some other friends over and those friends had a young child.

When I arrived, and was introduced, said child (five? years old?) came over and gave me a big hug.  Awwwww!  And as I was "awww-ing" and feeling all sweet, I asked "and what's your name?" as I was returning the hug.

An adult started to answer me, so I released the hug and looked over at them, at which point the child lifted up the bottom of my shirt ALL THE WAY and leaned in to kiss my belly.

I stammered "oh, no thank you!" or something like that while backing away and let me just say I didn't expect for my friends to see my bra, nor did I expect for my belly to be exposed or kissed that day!

Said child was reminded that "we use high fives to say hello" so I have to guess that this is not a new thing.  It was cute, and would have been even cuter had I known it was coming.... (or had I not been in a room of people I didn''t know all that well and would rather not have had my bare stomach and bra-clad boobs exposed to!)  But hey, kids are gonna be kids, eh?

Not Even In A Bad Dream!

I had a stress dream the other night that had me in a "huge" fight with C-Dawg.  (I assume the fight had been going on a while, I only got there for the end of it!)  And I was so angry in this dream that I was ending our friendship.

So I looked at her, and I yelled, "I am DONE with you and this friendship, you are always so"  and then in the dream I paused.  Because I couldn't think of anything!

Which then woke me up because it was both so cute and funny.  So, yeah... not even in a nightmare can I get annoyed enough with her to come up with a bad thing about her.  Yay!

Oh!?

I thought of something the other night (and then fell asleep and forgot about it for a couple of days) (Oh, and by the way I am typing this with a giant band-aid on my finger from a tin can papercut and I can't seem to get "t" without also hitting "g" so argh).

I realized that while I maybe can't speed up my flickr process (of reducing/saving photos) maybe I CAN put photos back up on the blog!

I would be repeating already used photos but I'm not sure anyone would complain about that, so it was probably just me not wanting to that was the issue.

So yeah... I was lying there trying to fall asleep and some part of my brain went "hey, why not just re use the photos you're taking down from flickr"?  Like, yeah.... why not?  Because someone might be upset that they saw that photo already?  Hmmm... well that's maybe not even something that would happen so... hey, maybe if I want photos for pretty making, I can use old ones on repeat!

I might just do that.  You can send a letter to management if you need to complain.

Hermit Accomplishments

We're in June now and that means the start of ALL THE THINGS season.  There were a ton of events this weekend and even some that I've gone to before but that totally sprung up on me this year and plus I just kind of wanted to take care of myself and not do much, you know?

So I didn't.  I didn't GO anywhere and I didn't DO anything.  Not outside of the house, anyway.

I mean, I dusted and vacuumed/swept and I cleaned baseboards and wiped them down... not everywhere but the places that really needed it.  I tidied, I dishwashered (made that word up!) and, well, that's more than enough for a quiet weekend.

So it's this funny feeling of like "I didn't do anything this weekend" but I also kind of did.  Just... not outside of my own space.

People

A)  Holy crap it's June!

B)  I'm so interested in things about people.  But just kind of little details.  And I really want to know these things but I don't want to ask. 

Like for example, one of my neighbours comes home every night around 10:30.  I know because her car alarm has a particular beep to it.  I totally want to know why?  Does she work very very long shifts?  Work hours away?  Go to visit a parent?  Work two jobs (because she's gone by 8 each morning)?  And why is it so consistent?  WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!???

It's little things like that that I'm so curious about. 

I just want little insights into their stories, you know?