Do Not Mess With my Childhood.

If they ruin this book? I will not forgive them. Ever

We're not off to a good start, by the way, because um, hello? Will Stanton's not AMERICAN!

And he looks nothing like that.

Sigh.

Things I Wonder

Which do I miss more? Not having had a boyfriend to frolic and laugh with in High School or in University?*

Why does banana flavour taste so icky when bananas themselves taste ok?

How is it that the hint of a smell can bring back memories in a very physical way? Will I ever be able to smell diesel fuel again?

Why do I keep seeing that same woman almost every time I go to the gym? It's not as if I'm on that regular a schedule. Is she at the gym three or four times a day and I just happen to run into her or what?

What is the deal with cats?

How do so many bad movies get made?

Why did I ever take book advice from that woman in Costco?



*Oh, I had a boyfriend in University but there wasn't much frolic-ing or laughing.

Smith and Wesson

OK. So where did we leave off?

Besides this and this, I haven't really said anything about the Smith Situation (seems like an appropriate moniker, I've decided, unilaterally, just now.) since the end of May.

This may have led some of you to believe I was moving on and that the relationship was no longer a relationship in any incarnation.

This would have been an erroneous assumption.

Sorry.

I feel like I led you on. I just didn't really know what to say.

The past two months have been a bit of a waiting game for me. Smith and I really had nothing to go on in terms of what might happen or how we'd make it work until we knew how this initial course would go for him and what came next.

And, maybe I was embarrassed to admit that I wasn't moving on, that I was sitting around waiting to see if he might choose me or if something would change to bring him out here or what.

And I wanted to support him. The course was really tough for him in a lot of different ways and I wanted to try to put my fears and insecurities aside and try to be there for him and encourage him and maybe even help him through it somehow.

I felt that if we could just make it through the course, things would settle and clarify and we'd be able to take a look at where we stood. I figured that either:

1) He would continue with pilot training and hopefully get stationed in Victoria for a while during training breaks

or

2) He would continue with pilot training and we'd grow closer and when he got permanently somewhere I might take a leave from work and live somewhere else for half a year or so to see

or

3) He would not continue with pilot training and would come out here and do something else, maybe train to be a spy or go for his PhD, or be my pool boy *

I guess I didn't take the time to consider a fourth option. Most likely because it didn't come up in our conversations over the past few months. But, unfortunately for me, this fourth option is where we stand right now.

It does not currently sound like Smith is planning to come out here. He has reasons. Many. And he keeps reminding me of them whenever I try to talk to him about the possibility of him coming out.

I guess, somehow, somewhere, the elephant in the room changed. Or maybe there were two of those bastards (and goddamnit why won't my space key work consistently?) or maybe it's all just part of the same parcel.

Where it stands right now, it doesn't seem like either of us is willing to move somewhere just to give the relationship a go. I guess I was hoping he was, and it's looking like he's not.

I'm sure there's some way to not take that personally.

I'm sure there's some way to make us stop feeling like neither one of us thinks the other is "worth it" to move for.

I'm sure there's some way to make this all work out without any resentment or anger.

I'm just not sure what that is.

I mean, I guess it makes sense, right? If he's unsure what to do career-wise, shouldn't he get that sorted out first? Sure he should. I guess I would just really like it if he could figure out a career while living out here. Or, better, want to have a career here. Or, even, train for a career here. Or just work here. It's not like he doesn't already have skills and degrees; he's amazingly employable. (And good looking, with really nice eyes, and makes me laugh when I'm grumpy and is good to snuggle with and silly and kind and stuff.)

I really really want a chance to give a relationship with Smith a shot and I'm not sure how that's supposed to happen.

So while the final chapter in this relationship isn't quite completed, I'm bracing for the fact that it might be soon.

But I guess we'll see, right? Anything could happen, really. I suppose it's just back to waiting again.

And when I'm feeling calm and sensible, I tell myself that if Smith and I are meant to be together it will work out, it will be easy, and it will make sense.

When I'm not calm or sensible, I want to do whatever it takes to convince him to come out here so that we can try.

Why aren't I moving for him, you may ask, seeing as I tend to talk only about him coming out here? Well, right now he doesn't know what he's going to be doing. If he stays with the Forces he'll have to go into a different trade and that means training. Somewhere. And then posting. Somewhere. And that means I'd have to wait until he was settled and then give up my job to go where he is to see if things could work out. I guess that's just not very appealing to me, and I feel guilty about that.

And I feel guilty too, for wanting to convince Smith to just move here already because I know how badly that could turn out if he comes *just* for the relationship and it doesn't work.

Sigh.

So I'll try to be calm. Ish. And I'll try to believe that what's meant to be will be.

And when I'm having trouble believing? Well, I guess I'll just have to find something chocolate to eat.


You may want to buy stock in Mars bars or something.








*(I kid, I kid!)



I don't have a pool.

Ahead of the Game

Hey!

So, do you remember when I ranted a couple of times about how we needed some way to signal who's single?

Woah, signal....single.... say that a few times fast,eh?

Well, apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks we need this.....woot!

I've already ordered mine.

Now all the other singles in the world need to too.

Hmm....to...too.... apparently I'm typing in tongue twisters today.

Tricky.

Seven Random Things About Me

K.

So, I got tagged by London Girl to do a meme thingamyme.

My first thought was "OH! I've been tagged! I don't think I've ever been tagged before! Yay!"

My second was "Random? What can I come up with about myself that's random and that I haven't already said?"

So, here are seven random things about me.

1. When I was little, I wanted to grow up and be a horse trainer. Or a ballerina. Ideally, a horse training ballerina.

2.I fainted when I got my ears pierced the first time.

3.I think pudding is gross.

4. Sometimes when I watch a scary movie I punch the arm of the person I came with. As if it's somehow their fault and I'm mad at them for doing this to me.

5. I'm not allowed to give blood.

6. When I'm around people who speak with an accent I tend to pick it up and start speaking like them without meaning to.

7. I broke my pinky finger jumping off a swing. It got caught in the chain. I was 16.

Here's my third thought: "Only seven?"

And now? I tag you all! Mwaaah hah hah hah hah!

Updated to add: Rock on Yvonne!

Cut to the Chase

While I don't have the blogging energy to give a full and complete version of what's gone on and not gone on with Smith for the last month (or so) I thought that the conversation I just had with my Mom would kind of sum things up for you nicely.

See, Smith is finished his training (as of a couple of days ago) and will not be continuing.

And that's all I know right now.



Mom: So, Smith's done his training?

Me: Yep.

Mom: And is he going to fly out and see you?

Me: No.

Mom: Why not?

Me: He has to go back to work.

Mom: Oh. I didn't know he had a job.

Me: (Patiently, because really, I didn't ever see it as a "job" before) He's enrolled with the Canadian Armed Forces. It's a job.

Mom: Well, is he leaving the Army and coming out here soon then?

Me: I don't think so, no.

Mom: Why not?

Me: Well, because I don't think he wants to.

Mom: Oh.




Yeah.

I guess we'll see, right?

Keep Going

So the weirdest thing about having my computer back (finally, yay!!!!!) is that I'm finding it difficult, once again, to put words and thoughts onto paper. Er... I mean, onto screen. Or something. I haven't managed to get back into the flow of babbling. I mean, writing.

I know I've only had her back for a day, but the frustration is that I'm full of things to say and every time I fire up the blogger dashboard I freeze up. I couldn't fall asleep last night, I was writing posts in my head, and yet here I am now, unable to "talk".

I guess it'll take a while, eh?

So. Mundane:

-the sun is back, which is awesome. We had a hot spell and then it rained. Someone pointed out that the temperature dropped by 20 degrees in a week. I didn't mind the temperature but the dreary grey was hard to deal with. For the first time in, oh, ever, I found my mood significantly affected by the weather. So I'm glad it's sunny again.

-I have two weeks of holiday coming up followed by two weeks of training. That means my brain gets to go mushy. (Mushier?)

-I really like sugar.

-I have Smith things to talk about.

-I hurt my elbow. I honestly think it was from the however many straight hours I spent holding that Harry Potter book so I could finish it. That's right. I have a sports injury. From reading.

-I found a "protein" type meal sort of powder chocolately drink that might actually taste ok. Let's hope, eh?

-yesterday as I was getting my computer back up to decent running speed I watched a soap opera. Dude.

-my photos are going to be the thing that take me the longest to sort through and order and deal with now that I have my computer back.

-getting a new MLB is like getting a new computer, but one that is kind of crazy. Like, I don't seem to have lost any files (knock on wood), but a batch of my photos are out of order.

-although, that could have been me miss-setting my camera.

-let's blame it on the computer instead though, OK?

-OK

Tentatively Positive

Much to say, seeing as I've been away for EVER...or, a while, anyway. Right now I'm working my way through my files and seeing how my computer's doing. Just got it back and apparently the last motherboard "incident" corrupted my OS so..... am hoping everything's ok and stuff. Then I have a bazillion things to get going on and four million photos to upload and fifty billion emails to answer and stuff. So. Yeah. Good thing I'm off today, huh? Hopefully I'll still be around later! Wish us luck. Mummy's got her baby back!


Baby back baby back baby back ribs.


Dude.

I'm insane.

Nope Nope

Still stuck in the dark ages.

The computer fixer dude "can't isolate the problem and has a backlog"

Um..... ok.

I also have been less able to bug people for use of their computer blahdy blah blah.

Have made it to the shoe store twice, neither time was cute guy there. Not that I'm sure what I'd say.

My hairdresser wants to set me up on a blind date, a former colleague has asked me out for coffee. I've yet to get back to either of them.

Am totally enjoying the summer bounty of fruit and berries and YUM!

Still reading like a banshee. ( Assuming they read ) Just finished re-reading Ender's Game and the last Harry Potter. Have got a light one to get through today and tomorrow so that I'm ready for my H.P. delivery on Saturday, woot!

Am still talking to Smith, by the way, but that's neither here nor there.

Canadian Idol voted out all the best people.

Not that I watch that show at all.

Nope.

The Scream

So hi.

I got my computer back.

And it broke again.

A different break this time but related to the last one which was fixed.

Apparently.

So now I'm back to no computer. Sigh.

Main logic board.

Sigh.

My brother says Apple should give me a new computer. I doubt it.

The thing that disappoints me the most is all the people who hear about my bad luck and take it as a sign that they'll never get an Apple now. That's too bad because they're great machines to have. I'm just unlucky I guess.

Must go. Not sure when I'll be back.

Still reading though.

Hope all is well. Wish me luck with the 'puter!

Is This Where I Come In?

I've got to give my borrowed 'puter back today and then I need to go away for top-secret reasons for a while.

Thusly (awesome word that should be real) I have no idea what my computer access will be for a week or so. I'm *hoping* that by the time I get back, the repair dudes will have repaired my laptop, but we'll see.

Meanwhile, I'm back to reading books, and this is, indeed, where you come in.

See, I had a thought.

And I know those can be dangerous, but I only singed a few brain cells, so I'm ok.

As I mentioned before, I've been reading a lot lately. Since the Canada Day long weekend I've read eight books. And here's what I found myself thinking:

What if, for every book I read from the July long weekend to the August long weekend y'all committed to donating that many dollars (or Euros or Pounds) to a charity of your choice? How cool would that be? I'd mean you could spread a little love and be all happy too while I read away!

Now, don't worry your pocketbooks, I won't be getting into the hundreds or nothing, and keep in mind I'm not including instructional manuals or things that I'm reading because I have to. All in all, I think this could be fun.

I'll read, and keep you updated somehow (brain's already wondering how in heck to add something else to the sidebar cuz it only took me days last time!) and then when it's all done we can all go and give ten or twenty bucks to a puppy shelter or the Red Cross or a church fundraiser or Save the Oceans or the Salvation Army or wherever your happy heart desires. Kay?

I'm in, anyway. So whaddya say?



PS. Please don't be discouraged if I don't approve your comments right away. One needs a computer for such fancy things as comment approval. I loves your comments and I promise I'll get to them as soon as I can, kay? Kay!

07/07/07

Happy Wedding Day!!!!!!

No, not mine, sillies!

Probably not yours either, unless there's been a lot going on while I've been computer-less.

But apparently, today is THE wedding day, of, like, the century due to the popularity of the date. What with the fact that it's all sevens today. And that's, like, a lot of people's favourite/lucky number.

And probably the fact that it's July. Which, you know, is, like, wedding season.

And it's a Saturday and stuff.

But still.

I saw a thing about it in the paper and everything, and like, this one place alone? Is having, like, four weddings just today? And, it's like so cool!

And it seems to be making me speak like a teenager.

But, whatever, right?

I just think it's a totally cool day today. Better than last year's Day of Doom, right?

Plus, I like the number seven.

I also like the number nine.

Hmmmmm.....

Anyone up for an 09/09/09 wedding?

I kid, I kid.




Maybe.

Speechless.

One of the things about navigating the internet on this borrowed computer is that I'm seeing lots of ads that I don't usually see.

My buddy (hi Buddy!) has configured my laptop so that I don't see most of the internet ad thingamies. Which is fine by me.

In fact, up until today, I thought it was pretty damn cool.

Except, now I know I've been missing things like this

And, well....I'm at a loss for words.


I think I need the leopard print.

Ooof

Look. Pretty colours!

It's kind of summer here, which is awesome, except that for some weird reason the particular part of the building I work in is so. damn. cold. I'm actually wearing long sleeves and sweaters.

And then getting into my car and roasting for the whole drive home.

It's kind of amusing.

I'd say more, but in a nutshell, I am at home today sidelined with a bit of a tummy bug and due to the gravol my brain's a bit fuzzy so the thinking's not really going that well.

I'm on a borrowed computer for a few more days so hopefully I'll be able to stay awake long enough to catch you up on what's going on around here.

Like, the email I got from a guy I used to work with who "was reminded,when he saw me last, that he finds me attractive" which, you know, might be cool if he hadn't asked my friend out first.

Or something.

I think I need a nap again. Yus.


UPDATED TO ADD: I just this moment got off the phone with Apple. If we ignore the fact that it took them four days to return my call we can at least be happy that they've approved the repair of my broken bits. Er. My laptop's broken bits. My bits are just fine, thank you very much! So, now it's just up to the repair dudes to get through their "backlog" and fix my baby snookums waptop all better! Yay. And then I promise I'll back everything up right away. And then catch y'all up.

PS. See? I TOLD you!

Hi

Still no computer.

Begged use of Buddy's laptop while visiting. (Hi Buddy!)

Hope y'all had a good Canada's Birthday and best wishes for the US celebration too.

I've read four books in three days. This is apparently what one does when without a laptop.