EEEEEEE!

So someone "in the know" (as in not me) just told me that they're pretty sure this will be the last time change... or, I should say, once we kick back into the OTHER time... you know the "Spring forward" one, we will likely STAY in it!!!

I guess it's going into legislation or something that's official like that and so EEEEEEE!  I mean... I might have an easier time getting through the stupid dark of this winter if I know it might be the last time in this province!

Also, happy Halloween to you!

Dang

You know how they say never shop while you're hungry?  Yeah, well, I say never blog while you're angry.  But, y'all?  I am angry.

I am angry that I feel helpless to make a person stop trying to steal things from me and my neighbours.  I am angry that my building management just shrugged it off as "nothing we can do", when I feel there are steps they COULD take and it seems they don't care to. 

I am angry at what the news and my digital feed keeps telling me about the world and that I also can't "fix" any of that, and I am angry at how angry people are about what's going on and how "they" are making it worse. 

I am angry that people I care about aren't well and how unfair it feels.

And I am angry that I don't have the life I thought I would or that I think I would like to have.

And I am angry that money seems to matter for so many things while simultaneously being a lot of the problem with so many things.

Sigh.

I don't like feeling angry.  It makes me ... angry.

Er...

So I perhaps spoke too soon.  Sigh.

When I got home from visiting with my out of town friends last night there was someone skulking around the area where we park our cars.

I hadn't been driving so didn't encounter them in person, but did see them from my window as I got home.  Ugh.

I say again, I have no idea of the when and wheres to use 911.  I texted a neighbour of mine who called the non emergency line and they told her that if we saw him again to call 911.  I guess I just don't see it as an emergency, but they seem to feel that if they can catch someone in action of... whatever-ing, it's helpful for them I guess.  And I'm realistic.  It's not as if calling 911 is going to result in a cruiser showing up, they only have so many, etc etc.  To be honest, I don't even know what to tell my neighbours, or my neighbouring buildings (because this guy must be scoping them out too), or my landlord... but I do not like the feeling of slightly less safety... you know?

I did have a nice visit with my friends though, and got to see a gorgeous sunset from the 7th floor of some hotel or other downtown, so that was a nice treat.  And I am enjoying the cold but sunny days.

Oh Right

Oh right, it's Monday, hi, whoops, blog, my bad!

I'm feeling a little better about the car break in last weekend.  Not happy, but just not quite so... wtf?

I'm still more cautious about things, like locking my door when I take out my recycling when I used to just leave it unlocked.  Jason figures they used a slim jim type thing to get in, so there's nothing I can do about that, and like I said, there's nothing left for them to take anymore.  My deductible was too high for what I wanted to replace (GPS) so I just replaced gum, mints, small first aid kit and phone charger.  GPS I'll deal with when and if (they're handy for trips when you don't know that you'll have phone service, and solo trips) I need one.

The weather went gorgeous on us this weekend.  Sunny and bright.  That brings the cold, sure, but I really really don't mind.  The bright is lovely.  And yes, I know we're going to hit the time change darkness soon so I'm extra enjoying it!

It's Halloween this week and I'm sure I've mentioned it before but when did this candy get so darn expensive?  I can't believe that it was this much of a financial burden on families when I was a kid, but maybe I'm just being naive?

I've got some friends in town today so I might see them later, although my anxiety portion would really rather we just hide and avoid, so... ugh for that noise showing up at all!

So I'm going to go back to staring at the pretty sunshine and the pretty coloured trees and will wish you a good Monday and good week to come.  See ya's later!

But Why?

I know it's pretty pointless but I keep wishing I *knew* things about my car break-in.

Like, HOW it happened.  Because I feel like if I knew how it happened I could take measures to stop it from being so likely to happen again.  And as strange as it may sound I'd most like for it to be some error on my part that I can easily correct.  Like.. I left the door open.  Which... is very highly unlikely but if I could prove that I did somehow, then I could be like, well then I just won't do that again and no one will ever break in, yay!

And I'd like to know if my alarm was triggered or not. 

I don't really want to know if it happened when I was home, sleeping not all that far away cuz that's just a nasty feeling/thought.

I know there's also no real point in trying to figure out why they took what they did, it was likely just "grab what you can" but some of it makes more sense to the story I make up in my head than not.  Like if I tell myself they're homeless/addicts, then they take the GPS stuff to get money for it and they take the gloves/hoodie for personal warmth.  Jason said they might have grabbed the notebook because sometimes people write down important things in notebooks... like... I dunno... banking information?  But if they were "professional" thieves, then what they took doesn't make sense.  Also, do I assume that the same person/persons broke into my neighbours' cars?  Probably.

But then I think... was it one person?  More than one?  Did they open all my doors?  Like, to get stuff from the back too?  And were they loud?  Or quiet?  Was it in the middle of the night like the "vandalism" (that I now think was an attempted break-in) when they know most people are dead asleep?  IF they opened all my doors did they slam them shut?  Or did they just open the driver's door and reach around the vehicle that way?  Wouldn't that have been annoying?  So... two people? 

There have also been a series of tire slashings in certain parts of Victoria and if I let my mind think on that... what if it happened to me, and I didn't notice?  And tried to drive?  I assume I'd notice fast?  And then what?  No real point in thinking about it when it hasn't happened (anxiety in action) but I also had the thought of "why aren't we taught what to do in these situations"?

Like only once that I can remember, did my auto insurance broker give me a sheet that was like "in case of accident" and had a series of things to do.  It would be handy to have a few of those, because while we do "practice" earthquake drills and fire drills and things like that, when stuff actually happens... it's different.  And shock is weird in what it does to your ability to think and do.

But, yeah... I feel like I'd like to know the HOW and the WHY of this... but that's not likely to ever happen.  So I guess I just... try to move on.  (While not thinking about all the addresses in my GPS that a stranger can now see...sigh)

Since Then

I've since dealt with my insurance people and I'm not sure I'll actually be going ahead with a claim at this point.  Turns out that it's covered by my house (apartment) insurance rather than car insurance and so my deductible is not much less than I figure I lost, so I'm going to find out if I'd be penalized for making the claim and then I'll go from there.

Which also sucks.

I do believe in insurance, but this hasn't been the greatest learning experience in terms of "oh... this is the reality of how an insurance company *makes* money.... sigh" and the whole "they're not really on your side" feeling is real.

And I feel stupid for how little I know about these processes, and all the questions I haven't asked.  And I realized if my home was burgled I would have no idea where to start on what's in there (other than I have a rider for my laptop as it's leased and they suggested I do that).  I didn't even have a serial number for the GPS, although thankfully my computer program did. 

I'm still going through so many feelings and emotions. 

It was hard getting in my car and driving it yesterday. 

And it's hard not knowing if it will happen again.

I've since talked to some neighbours, they all ask "was it locked?" yes "does it have an alarm?" yes.  Oh.  Yeah. 

Sigh.

So, yeah, icky feeling.  While still knowing I'm lucky.  But I can't really control my mind or feelings.  Nor do I really want to.

I'm just all over the place and I'd like to go back to feeling safe and ignorant.

Please?

Un-Nice

Yeah, so, my car was broken into.

It sucks.

But, I'm ok, thankfully the car is ok, and all I'm missing is some stuff.  So... yay for that.  But still.

They've since hit at least one other neighbour's car (I assume "they"being the same person(s) rather than a different person..) and now we're starting to wonder if they've been hitting cars all week as there was apparently an incident a few nights ago as well.  Sigh.

So, I went out to my car, about to head over to Jason's for dinner and I opened it to put my bag inside (on my passenger seat) and... there was stuff on my seat.  I was surprised that I had left stuff out because I'm usually tidier than that.  And then I looked into the back seat and my hoodie was gone.  And that was weird.  And I thought to myself "did Jason borrow my car?"  Because he has, in the past, but usually I have to hand him my keys so... Why did he leave my car messy?  And take my hoodie?  I don't understand why he'd... 

And then I looked again.... I (foolishly, perhaps) had a "travel bag" in the back area (behind the seat) that I had like beef jerky and crackers and things like that in case Jason and I went on a long drive and got hungry (it happens), and that bag was gone.  Gone.  Like, not there.  Stolen.  Shit.  Stolen.  Theft.  Someone... stole things.  From me.

I looked again.

I hadn't "left stuff out", they had gone into my center console.  I opened it up.  Stuff gone.  GPS.  Ok, that I understand... and... other things?  What... what else?  I looked in the glove box.  It was less full.  Ok, my car was... broken into.  What do I do? 

I walked around to the driver's side.  Thankfully the window was fine.  The door seemed just a little bit un-closed.  I looked for scratches or scrapes.  I didn't see any.  What had happened here?  What do I do?

It was still daylight, which was reassuring and, well I called Jason.  "So... seems someone broke into my car"  I said.  I don't remember what he said, sorry?  Did you call the police?  Something helpful.

But I wasn't all that... smart thinking.  I grabbed my bag back out of the car, I closed the doors, I locked it.  I went inside.  I took off my jacket, put my bag down and... I don't know.

I guess I was in shock.  Which is a weird place, and does not lead to smartness.  So I sat down and I think I called the police.  Non emergency number.  And I said... my car was broken into.  They asked me a few questions, asked what I thought was taken (I said for sure GPS but wasn't sure what else).  They asked if they'd taken my plates or my insurance papers, I said I hadn't thought to look (I made a written note to look... it helps my brain to write stuff down otherwise I might forget or I stress that I might forget).  They gave me a file number and I was like "ok, what... what do I do now?"  Like I had no idea what was next.  I thought she'd tell me to call my insurance or something but she just told me to call back if I could find any serial numbers (for the GPS) or if I found out our building has surveillance (it doesn't). 

So then I was like... what... do I do?

So I went back out to the car.  I put things back (like the tray inside the console.)  I checked for my insurance papers.  I tried to think of what all was gone.  Like, that little notebook I had for tracking my cold starts.  My winter driving gloves?  My gum?  Seriously?  What are you going to do with my gum and my mints?  I mean I understand stealing GPS, that's "sellable" right?  And I understand stealing food, you're probably... homeless or something?  I understand stealing gloves and hoodie, because again, I'm thinking you're not in the best life situation.  But, what are you going to do with my notebook?  And my "comfort pillow" for long drives (uh, it's for your butt, shush).  And I tried to tell myself they weren't thinking that much... they just... grabbed whatever, but... I think I was trying to find some logic, make some sense of it all.

I went back inside and called my (closed, but still with a 24/7 person to call) insurance and they said it was on car insurance and to call back in the morning.  Then I tried to write down a list of what I'd noticed was missing.

The GPS was the thing of most... note.  Other than that, I'm sad about the hoodie because although it wasn't very warm, it was what I bought for my solo drive to Burning Man so it had sentimental value of me wearing it on that trip.  And I'm sad about the (butt!) pillow because I just bought it a few months ago and, well, screw you mean people!

Jason said I should still come over for dinner but I didn't want to leave my place and I didn't feel like being in my car.  I think I "beeped" it locked four "extra" times that evening just because my brain was like IS IT LOCKED?  Which may not actually even matter, it turns out.

I have no idea how they got in, but Jason suggests they could have used a "slim jim" and that it would possibly have unlocked my car and not set off the alarm.  So now I'm like, well why bother locking it ever then if they can just... break in like that?  My car auto locks anyway after two minutes so... shrug.  Sigh.

And I've gone through a whole bunch of emotions and feelings.  I couldn't really fall asleep that night, which I suppose is unsurprising but still sucked.  I just didn't feel... settled.  I put up a note for my neighbours to see, to tell them to take stuff out of their car.

I've been angry, and sad, and scared and upset and hurt and forgiving and confused.  I wish I knew for sure how they got in so I could "fix" it, but I do understand that if someone wants to do wrong they will find a way... so..

But then like yesterday I went and bought a few replacement things, like a car charger and cord for my phone and mints and gum and then I thought well damn, I don't feel like putting these into my car right now.  Because what if they just show up and break in and steal them all over again?

And when can I ever feel like "ok, my car is safe again?"

It sucks.  And yes, I'm grateful, very grateful that no damage was done, and it's only stuff and nothing I'm devastated about or can't live without but it still sucks and it really doesn't feel nice.  I don't know how people do it if someone breaks into their house.  It's a horrible, unsettling feeling.

Go Vote, Eh?

Well I was going to write out some blah blah blah post about something but then I found out my car had been broken into so instead (seeing as it's Sunday night as I type this) I'm having a drink to relax and to feel hopefully less weird and less... shocked?

But... if you're Canadian and haven't voted yet, please do.

Elections

I don't talk politics.  Not here, not on social media, and only rarely with friends (never family... I  learned that the hard way.)

But I will, sometimes talk voting, and elections.  Because I think it's important to vote. 

I can't remember the last federal election if I got as many phone calls (three so far) and knocks on the door (one) as I have this time.  Which, if I'm honest, makes me nervous and uncomfortable.  Of COURSE I want this election to go a certain way, or at least I want it to NOT go a certain way... as most people do.  And I think because of all the things going on in the States right now this is an election I actually feel nervous about.  Which is an icky feeling.  But hey, my anxiety is pretty high these days with all that's going on (course, life, etc.)

So... if you're Canadian, and didn't vote in advance polling, please remember to vote on Monday.  We're lucky to live in a country where we can, and it's disappointing when our turnout is low, so... vote.  Please.  And if you already have, good job!

Brrrrrr.... Again

Last week was cold.

And for those of you who've been around a while, you can probably guess what that meant... No heat in my building!  YAY!  FUN!  Not.

I kept thinking it was just my radiators, but at some point at the end of the week a neighbour texted me and it turns out that no, we were all freezing.  Seems the heating people had been by a few times and just had to keep turning the boiler up.  According to my neighbour the guy said he had to turn it up to a "ridiculous" heat, but at this point, I've been warm for a few days so... sorry not sorry?!

I've lived here long enough to expect the boiler to have issues again this Winter.  Most likely during a very cold stretch.  I'm sort of used to that and don't mind so much when you know it's cold, but last week it was chilly outside, but not February cold, yet it was the coldest I can remember being inside this building.

Now when I come in, the hallways are even a decent temperature, so I'm hoping the boiler temp is working.

But yeah, last week was cold.  Especially for early October.

My Whelm is Overly... Whelmed.

I started a course a couple of weeks ago.  End of last month, to be precise.  (And no, I don't know why they didn't just start on the 1st... maybe because it was a Tuesday?  Annnyway.)

It's an online course and y'all?  I think my brain has exploded.

It has certainly pushed a lot of anxiety buttons, as well as some older buttons (Am I smart?  Smart enough?  Can I even do this?  Will I fail completely?) and on top of the emotional upset it's causing, I also have to, well, you know, learn stuff and OMG.

The course is vaguely related to work (which I don't talk about) and there's really no harm if I do fail out (other than the money I would lose) and I don't actually think I'm anywhere near failing... at all, but still, it's a lot.

The first few days I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it at all.  Learning the online class system was overwhelming enough without even considering the course work and content.  I think it's good to be challenging my brain in this way, I just didn't realize it would be this... overwhelming.

Like it's kind of the only thing I find I have time for right now.  And whoever designed the course outline that gives "suggested minimum hours" can bite my donkey's arse.  Ahem.  How about you just go and double those hours, eh?

My counsellor type people all think it's a good idea and I can see where they're coming from.  It's relatively low risk (nothing will actually happen if I don't do well or don't complete it) and it brings up things that we can talk about and work through.  It's certainly interesting to see the insecurities and habits around learning that are coming up!  (Hi, perfectionism, how are you?  Would you mind effing off?  Oh, hi comparing myself to others, you can also leave, thanks!)

So yeah.  I am not doing much at all right now other than a course.  I am hoping that maybe I'll get a bit more balance in my life as I adjust, but I'm also not counting on it.  One of the first days, I got to about 1pm before I realized I hadn't eaten, or drank anything, nor had I done my usual morning routines of exercise and meditation.  So I'm trying to force myself to at least put some things first.  It's a lot though. 

A.  Lot.

I AM NOT HAPPY!!!

Just the other day I talked about the understanding I thought the bugs and insects in my house had with me. 

Well, now a giant, freaky, makes me want to move out sized spider has gone and ruined everything.  Again!

A few days ago I saw a GIANT spider hanging out in the folds of my shower curtain.  I dealt with a massive increase in heart rate while I carefully took it out into the hallway.  (And then I'm not exaggerating that I had to lay down for a while because GAH!!!)

So, imagine my horror when I looked up after dinner last night and saw an equally big, POSSIBLY THE SAME DAMN SPIDER! on the wall of my kitchen!

I actually shouted "NO, NOT IN MY KITCHEN!" and then realized it was too far away for me to get to, so I got a sweeper thing and knocked it down and NOW I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS!!!

It is really unsettling to know that a giant spider is somewhere in my place and I can't see it to get rid of it, and yes, I know this is the time of year they come inside and all of that but DO NOT LIKE!

It could be in my .... EVERYTHING and I think I might have to move out, that is considering it even lets me live and OMG I COULD NEVER LIVE IN THE TROPICS OR AUSTRALIA!!!

Morning.....Nope!

Lots of people exercise very first thing in the morning, or so I hear.

And there is certainly a lot of talk out there about this.  A lot of "just get up and go!" and "it'll become a habit" sort of things and, well, that's just not always going to be the case.  But I'll just speak for myself here...

My body struggles with mornings.

Always have.  I assume it's likely I always will?

I can't, for example, just get up early.  My body revolts.  No, I'm not exaggerating, I get physical symptoms of upset if I try to push myself awake before my body is used to.  (Generally they're gastrointestinal type upsets, which can set off to ruin an entire morning/day.)

The few times I *have* to get up early, say for a flight or travel, or the few times I ran a 10K I would get up early and take stomach type meds.  I learned that the hard way.  So.. .there's that.

 But let's say I'm managing to get up at a decent hour.  Which I am these days.  Some days I'm ok to do some gentle exercise, what I call my "living room cardio", and some days I have to wait a bit before even that.  But last week I gave something a go and I'm not sure I'll be doing it again.

I tried a gentle yoga video right after getting up.  It's a video I'd followed before so I knew it was easy and not "too much" but mid way through I had to stop because my digestive system was suddenly very upset.  And sure, we could argue that yoga does that... or that maybe I'd just eaten something bad the night before, and both those things could be true, but I was then "off" for the rest of the morning and far into the afternoon.

So the idea of getting up and taking my body for an actual gym cardio and workout?  That's not realistic for me.  Not right now, and I'm not sure when, if ever.  Some walking on the spot in my own apartment where I can handle whatever upset my body might throw my way?  That's doable.

But for me, I'm having to fight the message that it's totally cool!  and awesome!  to get your exercise in first thing in the morning, because my system just isn't down with that, yo.

I quite like the mornings I can get a little movement going, for sure, but gentle and easy are key, and I've gotta watch for the mornings when my body tells me "nope".

Down Day

Here's hoping my fellow Canadians have a good day off today as it's Thanksgiving for us!

Not sure what you're up to, if anything, but hopefully it's a good day whatever you are doing.

Happy Thanksgiving guys!

October

How's your Fall going?  Now that we're a couple of weeks in?  (Or your Spring?)

And if you're Canadian are you all set up and registered to vote?  (And no, let's not talk about politics, ugh, just... vote... it's a good thing.  We're lucky we can.)

You Were Supposed To Be The Chosen One!

A while ago I got new glasses.

I'd not gotten them right after my checkup because I had somewhere to be, and then I got complacent or lazy and so it was a long while after my checkup thingy and I went to some other place for the frame selection.  (I'd gotten frames there before, it wasn't totally random.)

When we were finalizing whatever, the girl asked me if I had trouble reading with my glasses, I said that yeah, I didn't wear them for reading reading, but that, for example, if I was wearing them shopping, and had to type on the pin pad, I'd take them off (put them on top of my head) to clearly see.  It's like, they're glasses for "far away", and when I try to use them for close up, they don't work.  Shrug.

She mentioned that there was something they could try that wasn't a progressive but was a first sort of baby step towards it.  They would basically reduce the prescription so that the bottom of my glasses had none and so in theory I could look down through that base of the classes and it would be prescription-less so I could read.  I thought hey, sure, so we tried it.

And when my glasses arrived, I found that I couldn't see quite a lot.

Like... I lost a whole chunk of middle range clarity.  So, if I didn't move my head, and just moved my eyes, I could see distance fine at the top, and read fine at the very bottom but the rest of the lens it was like someone smeared vaseline over it and the "mid" distance of things (like street signs?) was now also blurry.  Uh... no!

So I went back.  They adjusted the "transition" and made it weaker or something and I got them back and again, nope, I still had no mid/mid range of clarity.

There was a different person when I took back the second attempted lens and she said that it was likely I just have very sensitive eyes and that while most people don't really notice the shift it seems I did and so it was best to just go back to that one single lens.  Which I was totally happy with.

But it was really weird to be trying to adjust to something while thinking "this doesn't seem right".  So, yeah, I guess my eyes are extra special or something?

Pretend progressives are not my thing apparently.

Crumbs Away!

Yeah, so I'm weird.

Or, ok not like weird, weird, but I know I have my quirks I guess?

So..... I spend a lot of time on my one particular couch.

I have a friend who calls it a lounger since I kind of lounge on it.  It doesn't have a back (it's part of a sectional thing that I un-sectionaled) but it has an end (?) and I lean against that end and relax.  Or sometimes I fully lay back... recline.. whatever!  It's my couch!  And it's by the window so it gets all the best light and fresh air or radiator heat depending on what's needed and, so yeah.  My couch.

And a lot of times my lovely couch friend has crumbs on it.

Yes, I eat on the couch sometimes, but these crumbs, I eventually figure out, are coming from my feets.

Not that my feet are snacking, but that they're picking up crumbs and things from the floor and then transferring them to the couch when I sit/lay/lounge on it!

I regularly clean it off and all that but it's kind of annoying and so a month or two ago I decided to try to do something about it, and so this is were I realize I'm a bit of a weirdo.  Cuz most people would just not bother.

So, um, I bought a second pair of slippers.  Like, slip on slippers, and so now when I get on or off my couch I take off my cozy slippers and I put on the slip on slippers and so the crumbs and stuff stay on the floor with the slip ons and my feet get to put on cozy slippers on the couch for yay!

Yeah... I now have two pairs of slippers just for reasons of tidy/cleanliness. 

I'll go hide in the corner with my head hung in shame... I know...

Um

I am trying really hard but I am not following this book I'm reading.

I read another one by the same author and really enjoyed it.  That book was light and an easy read and so I thought I'd see if she had another and sure enough, yay!  So I got it from the library.  YAY LIBRARY! And, well.... I'm not following.

As in, I can't even seem to keep straight all the character names.  And she jumps around and randomly introduces new characters out of nowhere and I'm like is that a friend I missed?  No... oh, ok.  And then there's this other narrator that speaks from the first person and they're in italics and who on earth is that and why are they speaking?  And there aren't chapters, which is fine... there are font-based indicators of chapter like... things... and there are "month chunks" or something, like book segments, but, is it me?

Like, that's what I'm trying to figure out... is it me who just doesn't have the brainpower to figure this out or is it just... not.. easy to follow...?

I'm still going on it, because as we know I hate giving up on a book, but, yeah, I sort of feel like I'm reading it just to see if it all comes together at the end somehow.

(I'm honestly tempted to see if there is a plot summary online to just... be done with it!)

So yeah... not following... and very weird to read after her first book which was, like I said, a light easy read.

Go figure.

Sockless!

Y'all?  I am struggling to find socks.

Hear me out now.  I used to get my socks at Sears.  I'm sock picky.  They have to be soft, and they have to have no elastic top, and they have to be longer than the top of my boots and oh please don't fall down when I walk (although that one you can't really tell until you've bought them) and I had a few kinds that I used to get that were perfect and worked well and when I heard Sears was closing I didn't think to go in and try to get socks.

So now... my socks are dwindling in numbers (I've worn holes in most of them) and I can't find the ones I used to get and GAH!  WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD SOCKS!!???

I've been to the Bay, nothing.  I've looked online.  Nothing.  I've tried to find the brands and I just can't seem to, so... I'm on a quest to find replacement socks.

C-Dawg says she gets hers at Marks, so I'll probably end up there searching but man oh man I had no idea that some day I'd be sad over the loss of my most excellent socks.

Sock pickiness is a thing you guys... and it's hard when the socks you like just up and leave you.  (And the ones I bought last year at London Drugs are comfortable but way too short, so they're kind of... not ok.)

Sputter.... Sputter... Cough

I like figuring things out.

I mean, not always I guess, but certainly when it's something I'm interested in and curious about.

Like my car.

I love my car.  I love her SOOOOOOOO much.  She's the first big thing I ever bought myself and I paid her off so I own her for real for real and even though Jason has started pointing out that she's ten years old now (what?) she still feels like a brand new shiny amazing special car to me.  That should have nothing wrong.

And that's where things start.

I somehow believe that my car is still young enough that it should have no "aging" type issues at all.  Jason tries to tell me, as do others that the car is "now ten years old" and so... whatever weirdness is "to be expected" and I'm like, nope!

I've taken good care of my car.  And since I met Jason, who knows a lot it seems about cars, I revisited my interest in learning about cars.  (I'd wanted to take mechanics in high school but of course had to take all those "university" type classes for whatever degree I had no idea about... so, electives had to be put aside.... boo). 

For a while my car has had some issues starting.  As in it won't fully turn over.  Like won't complete the... uh... start up thingies for a start up.  Some days it's totally fine, just starts right up!  Then some days it chokes a lot and works really hard at it and starts.  And then recently, I had a couple of times where it would choke and then not.  It's always fine when I try to start it again but it's a total stress for me (thanks anxiety!)  So I started trying to figure it out.

No, not the battery (which is the first thing people suspect) and no, it's been to two different mechanics in the last six months and isn't throwing any codes (electric test thingies) so there's nothing bad enough on their end to do anything.  The last mechanic (someone awesome Jason knows) put in new spark plugs and that was supposed to fix it but then it didn't.  The starting issues were still intermittent.  Jason figured it had something to do with "barometric pressure" which no one on google says is a thing but Jason says old school mechanics would know what he's talking about (I guess you tune race cars differently depending on the elevation on the track or weather or something) so every time it was raining and my car choked he would say see?

But I decided to start tracking it.  Because all my googling said there could me a whole bunch of reasons it could be happening.  (Ugh)  And I figured it would be helpful to be able to go into a mechanic and say here's what I've noticed, it happened here, here and here but not here or here.

And then the next time I went to start it and it didn't turn over (please excuse my terrible description, it's not that it didn't turn over, it's more that it turned over but didn't fully start.  So... cough cough cough sputter dead) I noticed that it was low on gas.  Hmmmm I thought... could this be gas related?  Fuel?  Fuel pump relay?  Crappy gas at the bottom of the tank?  Hmm.... thoughts....

So I mentioned it to Jason and we went and bought some ... uh... gas tank cleaner something or other?  (The guys at Lordco... auto supply shop recommended it) and that went in the tank and then we filled up the tank and, well, so far so good!  I am also tracking, just in case... time of day, weather, amount of gas, temperature, etc.  (It only happens on first start... 'cold start') so we shall see.

But I did enjoy the process of trying to figure it out.  Jason said it was just something I should live with, having an older car and I was like no way!  If I can make my baby a little healthier and happier, I will!

But holy smokes there are so many things that can go wrong with cars, it's kind of endless.  Who knew you could clean your gas tank and stuff?  Crazy.

A Gentleman's Agreement

I do not like bugs.

But, I pretty much tolerate them.  I know they have their purpose... bugs, insects, beetles, what have you, I just, well, not my thing.  Ick. 

I'm not really a bug killer, I try to let them be... I escort spiders out of my living space, direct flies out of the window, that sort of thing.

Mosquitoes?  Nope.  They get killed.  Ants?  Nope, sorry, can't have you making a scent trail to my space.  But most everyone else?  You're ok, just... leave me be please.  Ew.

Except... silverfish.

Ugh.

I'm sure I've talked about them before but silverfish I do not like.  I know most buildings, especially older ones, have them, and I know they're relatively harmless... (pretty much) but no, I do not like them, I do not, and if I see them, I squish them bye bye.  Sorry, not sorry.

So the silverfish in my apartment and I have a gentleman's agreement.  If I see you?  I will get you.  If you stay out of my way?  Well... shrug. 

Now, I know this breeds nasty ones that run around in the dark or whatever Darwin would say but I just, can't just let them scuttle about freely when I see one! 

And... I thought we had this understanding.  But this morning, one of them broke that agreement... and now I have to burn everything down.

I had a neatly folded pile of cozy clothes next to my bed, on my dresser waiting for me to slip into this morning.  And when I picked up the track pants THERE WAS A SILVERFISH HIDING UNDER THEM!  NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!  THAT IS NOT THE AGREEMENT!  The agreement was you can be in bathtubs or on the floor or maybe, MAYBE in an occasional drawer, but under the pants I'm about to put on?  NO!  NOT ALLOWED!  EMERGENCY SIRENS!!!!

So I guess I have to burn down my apartment now, which is going to suck seeing as it's raining and I won't have any pants to wear.

This is why bugs should just... you know, stay out of my way.  Gah.

No Words

Someone very dear to me shared some very difficult news on Monday.  They haven't told anyone yet and so have asked me not to talk about it, so I won't be.

Fortunately I had a counselling appointment yesterday (Tuesday) and it really helped to be able to talk about it there and do that kind of stuff that we do there.

I also started some coursework on Monday and am completely overwhelmed by even just the learning curve of how to use the online interface thingy (not the technical term!) and so my combined overwhelm is pretty overwhelm...y.

I'm coping, but notice that I am really not running at anything near full capacity.  So I'm writing myself notes on stickies to help try to cover the things my brain just isn't holding on to right now and trying to give myself slack when I manage to goof up what would ordinarily be a simple task.

I'm also reminding myself that what I'm feeling is normal and natural and while it may not feel like it "this too shall pass", and things will probably get better, or easier, or something.  As in, this has been a really rough couple of days...

In other news my apartment has a little less bite to it now that the radiator is on a little.  And I fixed a door that hasn't ever stayed closed the entire time I've lived here!  Hope you're having a good day and that the rest of it is awesome.

Half a Sec

It's Monday night as I write this, and a) I'm pretty excited about turning my radiator on tomorrow and finding out how much of a difference that might just make.

And b) I had a pretty difficult day today (Monday... yesterday) so my ability to write a blog post that might make sense is, er... gone.

c) there are a couple of little flies flying around and my best guess is that I over watered a plant and that's where they're coming from so I should probably look into that.

I just need half a sec to deal with the stuff, so... *pause*  (And, no, I didn't get my week's worth of posts written this weekend can you tell?)