Saturday, 30 August 2014

Your Mileage May Vary

It's weird to think that August is ending.  I feel like it just got here.  And remember, I'm writing this over a week ago, knowing it will post today... the day the Man burns.

I've seen photos of the Man going up, the on site construction.  It's massive.

Mas sive.

And although at this writing I haven't seen it in person yet?  I can almost guarantee I won't want them to burn it.

I'm not sure what the burning represents to each of the sixty something thousand people there, but to me last year it was incredible to see the work, effort, engineering, and artistry that went into the structures and to know that they were only there to be there.  They were made, hundreds and hundreds of man hours, and transported...and built in this the middle of nowhere... just for the sake of art.

For the sake of doing something that means something.  Of getting together and saying art is important, being a good human being is important.  Taking care of yourself is important.  Giving for the sake and joy of giving is important.  Taking care of your surroundings and leaving no trace is important.  Picking up after yourself is important!  Being present is important.  Being alive and participating in life is important. It's all important.  And when we've reminded ourselves of that, and had some fun and given hugs and connected with strangers who aren't strangers at all, we take it all down and it was as if it never was.

Live life while it's happening.

That's what the burning of the Man means to me.

Friday, 29 August 2014


This aging process is a weird thing.

I look at my friends, those within five years of my age on either side and I see lines forming.  Grey hairs too.

It's weird.

Some of my friends have kids.  Kids!  We're not old enough for that!

And we all seem to have jobs, and some are married, have mortgages.  And injuries.  Oh the injuries.

Backs, necks, knees. 

I don't know.  What will it be like to be 60?  80?  90?  What will it be like to look at a best friend and see an older person?

What will it be like when friends start to pass on...

This is all very strange and surreal, this being human... aging... life.

But for now I'll just type away at my keyboard and enjoy whatever today's going to bring.

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Time Keeps On Ticking, Ticking, Ticking...

It was interesting looking over some of my pre-Burning Man posts from last year.  Because I feel like I've been just as anxious/worried, but for sort of different reasons.

The ticket getting thing was a major stress.  The possibility of a ticket not showing up for Connor and me therefore having to drive myself was a big stress.

Not feeling 100% my best stomach wise from the stress was a stress.

My parents are moving, work is weird, Jason's stressed, there's been a lot of stress going on.

Plus, I don't really know what I'm getting myself into...quite.  I mean, sure I know what Burning Man is kind of, but there's no way to know what I will do or see or experience.  Maybe I'll do better with the heat.  Maybe I'll meet some really awesome people.  Maybe I'll have even more fun than last year.

Will Connor and I be joined at the hip?  Will I feel bad if I don't want to spend time with him?  Will I be able to find him a nice lady friend to hang out with?  What will the weather do?  Will it rain?  Be crazy windy?  Dusty?  Hot?  Cold?

So many unknowns.

And so while last year I was maybe most worried about the trip itself and travelling with strangers and all of that, I'm still worried.

How will it be with just Connor and I and no other people to talk to or buffer or interact with?  What if I get tired of him?  Will I offend him?  Should I care?

I'm sure what will happen on the road will happen and we have BCAA coverage and I trust Connor in that way and we've discussed the "we're just friends" thing (discussed it last year at the Burn actually.)  And I'm worried about getting home in time, and what if X, Y, or Z happens and I'm stuck in the desert with no way to let work know I'm stranded?

And what if I meet someone who seems cool but then I can't get myself out of the conversation with them or the food that I'm getting isn't good or we get pulled over at customs or... I just...

I'm still worried.

Or I mean, I was.  Seeing as by the time this posts I'll have been in Black Rock City for most of a week and am probably so grateful I went through all this stress and worry and whatnot to be there.

Part of what's been hard has been the things that have not been under my control.  Like the postal service delivery.  I can't control that.  At all.  Not when it would arrive or anything and the whole waiting from dawn to dusk for delivery?  Not fun.

And Jason got really sick the days he was supposed to work on my bike and I didn't know what to do so that was also out of my control, because I offered to just leave it as is but he really wanted to help and fix it up so I had a lot of anxiety and stress about that.

I think a lot of it was time stresses.  I'm not a "leave it to the last minute" person at all.  AT ALL.  And way too much of the details of this particular trip were still coming together extraodinarly last minute.  Which pushed my worry buttons too too much.

Which threw off my body.

Which made things worse.

Rinse and repeat.

So, yeah, I worried last year, and I worried this year.  Maybe it's a newbie thing?  Maybe when I go again I'll have even less to worry about.


Right.  Let's go with that.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

*Shaking Fist At Things*

One of the major differences between my prep for Burning Man this year and last is my social media connections.

Now, on the plus side, being on all the social media thingamies did connect me with a ticket, it also made me annoyed.

Annoyed at people who were... well, no need for details... annoying me.

And that's not what I wanted to think about going into Burning Man.

I'm not sure it did anything good for my nerves either, seeing so many other people being nervous or not having a ticket or whatever. 

On the plus side, I did get to see awesome photos of the setup of the city and the art, so that was good.

I'm not sure how connected I'll stay to the Burning Man community online once I'm home, or maybe it won't matter for another 10 or 11 months...

But, yeah, it was frustrating, especially in the last weeks of planning and prep to find myself judging and being irritated by people online.

It kind of doesn't make sense...

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Lessons Learned

Now, just before I start jabbering away here, this photo may seem to have nothing to do with what I'm talking about but bear with me.

I'm going to talk about bikini tops, and you wear bikini tops in the sun, so I searched my photos for "sun" and this one came up and by then I'd forgotten why I was searching for sun photos and so yeah... here go you.  Here's a photo of a fire hydrant in the sun.  Yup.

Ok.  Now that that's dealt with.

Last year at Burning Man I was so overly warm I ended up wearing not much more than my bikini.  Both of the bikinis I brought had halter tops and I'd never thought this was a particularly big deal before.

But, then again, I'd never worn halter top bikini tops all day every day for a week.

It hurt.

That, added to leaning over to ride your bike everywhere and the fact that said halter top was holding up a fair bit of weight and it does that by pulling against your neck it was not teh fun.

So this year, I'm not taking any halter tops.

No, I haven't been swimsuit shopping, I'm just going to wear a bra instead.  A non halter top bra.

In theory, I have a couple of shirts I can wear without a bra, but I'll just wait and see how the heat goes and all that jazz, but for sure?  Not spending a week in halter top bikini tops because owies.

Connor says one of his favourite shots from last year is near the end of the week when we went to watch the Temple burn and I slipped my halter off of my shoulders.  He said the look on my face showed just how good it felt to get the damn thing off for a while.

Down with halter tops.

Except for pool side /lake side/beach side lounging, I suppose!

Monday, 25 August 2014


C-Dawg and I were having a dinner out in the middle of last week (she and her man are off to Vegas this week, which is ironic since we'll both be in Nevada.  So close and yet so far!) and we were stopped at a red light when a chick with pink hair and a wild bike helmet pulled up next to us.

"I bet she does Roller Derby." I said.  Not sure why except that the helmet seemed like something I'd wear if I was doing it.

"I don't know why," C-Dawg said "but I've thought that you should/could do Roller Derby.  Not really sure why.  I just think of you and Roller Derby."

Now, this is the first time anyone has ever said this to me and it's interesting that it came from C-Dawg.  I see Roller Derby girls as super tough and I don't see myself as super tough at all.

Not that I've never thought about doing Roller Derby, I've just never wanted to deal with the bruises and broken things and, well, the pain.

But it was a pretty random thing for her to say I thought. 

Unless me going to Burning Man makes her think I'm a whole lot crazier than I actually am?

But I'm a sweet kind of crazy... I don't think I'm the kind who wants to elbow around other chicks for fun.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Vague Plan (Because Actual Plans Aren't Really Worth Much On The Playa... In A Good Way)

I remember waiting in the stunningly massive line to get to the entry gate of Burning Man last year and thinking a few things.

I remember thinking I had no idea you didn't just... drive right in.  And then that I had no idea just how big this thing was.

I remember thinking it was hot.  And I didn't know what to do about that.  (We got there late afternoon so... it wasn't actually "hot"... I just didn't know that yet.  Ahem.)  I remember getting out of the van because I wanted to try to cool down and not really knowing what else to think.

I remember being sort of annoyed that Jay was already inside.

I remember wondering why so many people were pushing their cars.  And then realizing they weren't broken down, they were just saving gas.  And or other car things.  Transmission?  I dunno. 

I also remember when my co-worker's wife offered to put some sparkly makeup on me and my instinct was to say no ("Don't inconvenience/bother people" says my Ego ALL THE DAMN TIME) and then I stopped myself and said yes please and it was the best thing.  When she was done with me I felt like a) someone there wanted me to be happier than I was and b) I fit in.  I looked like I was at Burning Man.  A Burner.  Like I was ready to play!

So my brain has put these two things somewhat together.  First of all, I bought myself some sparkly makeup and some other sparkly things (like a necklace that glows, but is super delicate and pretty too, squee!) and I figured if we've got hours in the line anyway, I may as well spend some of that time putting on some pretty makeup.

It feels like it might be almost ritualistic if that makes sense.  Making the transition from not being at Burning Man to being at Burning Man...

So I might give that a try.

Or not.  I might be busy doing other things or having other conversations or who even knows what.

Hence me knowing it's only a vague plan.  More of a thought than anything.

Friday, 22 August 2014


By the time this posts, I'll have been on the road for two hours already.

That's an early start.

I'm disabling comments for the next while because I won't be home to check them.

I'm kind of excited about being away from my computer for a week and a half, actually.  It's nice.

I hope you all have a lovely couple of weeks and that good things come your way while I'm away gallivanting.

I was looking back at last year's archives to see what I'd written, and here's what I'd figured would have happened on my first day of travels last year:

By the time you read this, I will (if all has gone to plan, which it should) have been in a vehicle with three people I don't know very well for a number of hours.

I will most likely have camped or slept in said vehicle last night somewhere in the States.  Washington maybe... or Oregon.  Both, very pretty states from what I can remember as a kid.

I will have either sat in the front seat, or taken gravol to keep my car sickness at bay.

Hopefully we're all getting along as well as we have up to now, and we've had some quiet time (I am an introvert after all, need my down time to recharge and not be insane.)

So... there you go.  That's where I probably am.


On the road again.  Just can't wait to get on the road again.  I think the song it has another line right here, but I don't know what it is the road again.

As it turns out, I did take the gravol (and will probably do so again this year) and so the car sickness wasn't an issue... yay for being proactive.  We all did get along but I didn't get enough quiet time and I think it was on the Saturday that I had to force myself into quiet time as I hit a wall of being with people... especially people who weren't "my" people.

I'm pretty sure we slept in Oregon both travel nights and Connor's pretty sure that we'll be able to get to our second stop on our first night this time (different, lighter vehicle) so perhaps we'll be there at the restaurant we've both said we're looking forward to visiting again.

Or not.  I have no real investment in where we rest/stop/sleep as long as we're both happy and safe and comfortable.  I remember sleeping like a log the first night, probably from the super early start, so there's that.

So send me good travel wishes and here's to being on the road.

Bikes on the back of our vehicle and packed to the rafters.

Thursday, 21 August 2014

A Tribe

This last week or two, I've been looking very carefully at vehicles with bikes on the backs of them.

Sure, a lot of people take their bikes with them when camping or going on adventures, but you know who else takes their bikes with them?

Burners.  People going to Burning Man.

Because you NEED a bike there.  It's frigging massive.  So massive, unless you've been the scale of it is un-understandable.  (I'm pretty sure I made that word up.)  So when I see people with bikes on the back of their car, camper, RV, truck, I wonder... are THEY going to Burning Man?

I know when we head out of town we'll be on a ferry with tons of cars with bikes.  And as we travel closer and closer, we'll stop at camp sites and rest stops with even more vehicles with bikes attached. 

And soon enough, those vehicles will be sporting bikes that are a little less than boring.  And the vehicles will be packed to the rafters.  And maybe, just maybe, there will be a little Burning Man symbol on the back of the car and I remember it being the most amazing feeling last year; realizing we were part of this larger group of strangers all making the trip to the same, amazing place.

Sure, a sort of a pilgrimage perhaps, but each time I saw a car with bikes, or a van with the Man symbol on the back I thought "I'm going there too!"

And so now, as I'm driving around town running my errands for leaving, I keep wondering if I'm seeing other Burners on their way down to Nevada.

Like the couple I saw at the grocery store today with a license plate from the other side of Canada.

Sure, maybe they were just travellers, or PhD students in town for the new school year. 

But my guess, and the gal's half green head of hair was a nudge to me that I was right, is that they were on their way to Burning Man.

Like I will be first thing tomorrow morning.

Me, and tens of thousands of other people.

It's crazy when you think about it like that.

But it's a good crazy.

So here's to very full cars with fun looking bikes on them. 

They make me smile.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014


I just want to relax.

Like, I want a week off before my going away.

And then I'll probably want some days off after my going away.

So... yeah.  Can we make that happen?  Can I be independently wealthy and all that fun stuff?

I'm working pretty hard at staying calm(ish) and some moments are a whole lot better than others.

I seem to remember last year that once we got on the road it was kind of a done deal and the nerves stopped.  Maybe, hopefully, that'll happen this year too.  But, hey, if the nerves wanted to stop a few days early?  I wouldn't complain.

Still not sure that I'm going to find time to get some posts pre-written for you while I'm away so... sorry if this page goes dead for a buncha days or like a couple of weeks or... something.

I think I've just been too busy living this last month to have stopped to write extra.  That and my brain kind of broke writing wise and I still haven't quite gotten it back.

So, yeah, a break before my break would sure be nifty.

Ok then. 

Tuesday, 19 August 2014


I know I didn't post yesterday.  I realized it Sunday evening, and was going to get up and say something Monday morning but I stayed at Jason's Sunday night (I don't know why saying that makes me blush but it does!) and when I tried to log in, I couldn't remember my password.

So.... I just figured I should let it go.  So let it go I did.

I only worried about it twenty times or so!


So, yeah.  Still feeling overwhelmed and I've put away the disaster zone that was my unpacked bins from last year.  (I hauled them out, and opened them up and re sorted and all but it was so overwhelming and I'm glad things are back to being tidy...ish.)

Connor and I are still waiting for his ticket to arrive from the States.  We're both trying not to be nervous that it might not work somehow, but of course that's on my mind.

And I'm nervous about going again, even though I'm also so excited and happy and emotional about going.  It's just that I don't know what to expect (again) other than what I know from last year which was it was hot.  And very cool.  And so much to do and see and... I'm nervous.  And being nervous about it means I'm finding more and more things to be nervous about (even if they don't make sense.)

Like when I left Jason's Monday morning I wanted to cry.  He asked why and I said that I felt like I was never going to see him again.  He gave me a hug and said "you know I have your bike, right?"

And yes, I mean, I know this, and we're going to try to work on my bike this evening after work so I *know* I'll see him again but my worry-monster has me feeling like everything's a major freakout and it's not a fun feeling.

And then I got all upset and asked him what would happen if I came back from Burning Man and I didn't like him anymore!?

And he said that that would suck but he would hope we'd still be friends and I wanted to just bawl and tell him that NO NOTHING WILL BE OK EVER AGAIN!

Because... yeah... "catastrophizing."  It's a thing.

I has it right now.  Apparently.

So, Connor and I are supposed to leave Friday morning (at effing early o'clock) and I'm feeling time pressure to pack (pretty much already done) and get my bike back (Jason says not to worry, he'll have it done Wednesday night at the latest) and get that damn ticket for Connor (because if it doesn't.. I'll have to drive myself and I'd really prefer not to for so many reasons!) and then I just have to not worry about the other things my brain tells me to worry about (mainly my stomach, which was no problem last year and so why am I worrying about it? I don't know...)

Oh, wait, let me worry about posts!  OK!  I can never write again because my brain is so frozen and this blog will never get posted to again because I'll have to come back and go straight back to work and I'll never find a minute to say anything and... and...

(And what... the world won't end you know, Victoria!)





Time for some mindfulness meditation methinks.

Saturday, 16 August 2014


Ok, feeling ridiculously overwhelmed and busy and like maybe I will never get time to sit and write a post again EVAR!

Or, like until three weeks from now.

We may have found a ticket for Connor.

I say may because it's winging its way here from the U.S. of A and until it arrives I think we'll both be a little bit nervous.  Even though my gut tells me we're fine.

So I've hauled out my bins from last year and man oh man now my entire place smells like Burning Man.

It's funny though, because C-Dawg came over and couldn't smell it.  It was weird.  Jason says maybe only people who've been can recognize the smell, which may be true because Connor said he pulled out his bin, opened it up and took a big whiff of Playa.  So... there you go. 

I've emptied out the bins and fallen in love with myself for the organization I left myself last year.  But it still means there is stuff strewn everywhere and I can't quite believe it all fits into two (albeit giant) bins.

I still have to figure out how best to organize them and then what I want for the road trip that's separately packed and what I'll need once we hit the Playa but are not yet through the Gate (because that's when I first started to get hot last year, I want to be ready to cool myself off this year even if it means hello bra and panties in line.

So, yeah, trying to sort it all out and then put it all back away neatly but I'm exhausted by it and feeling like I'd rather just hide but I want it done so that maybe, just maybe I can have a few days of relaxing and resting and hydrating before we leave.

Oh, and maybe, just maybe, I'll find time (and brainpower) to write.  No guarantees though... I'm pretty garbled at the moment.

But yeah... I... ok.

Friday, 15 August 2014


So Jason had a, no wait, I have to back up a second.

Last weekend, Jason and I went to the (not so much with the clothes) beach and there was a particularly attractive man there (I honestly only noticed his bottom and lovely tan as staring at someone's weiner is still pretty weird.  Oh, and his face.  I noticed his face.  And his bottom. Sorry, I distracted myself.)  Jason took one look at him and declared the guy a model. 

I may have snorted internally, but Jason, with his photographer's eye was right and he went and chatted with the guy/model.  They got along well, talking about pro photography/modelling stuff and said they'd love to work together at some time in the future.  Jason gave him a card and I figured we'd never see the guy again.  No biggie, he was still something nice to look at for that time period. 

So... Jason had a photo shoot booked in one of the local hotels.  (Apparently that's a thing.  For some reason it made me think of porn, but... that's probably just me.)  It was going to be a tasteful boudoir (bedroom/bathroom) type of shoot for a model Jason knew who was in town for another shoot.  Jason had told me that I was welcome to come and watch the shoot to see what I could learn about lighting but that I had to sort of stick in the background and I wouldn't be shooting, except for a few behind the scenes types of shots, maybe some of him working, but shooting this pro model was going to be a no-no for me, so I didn't think much about it.

I threw my camera in my bag and headed over to his hotel after work.

Unfortunately, the model had already left for a flight, so I didn't get to see any of that shoot happening and I was a little disappointed.  Jason said that since the hotel had been booked for the night, he'd made a few phone calls and his assistant ("Junior shooter?") was coming and... so was the male model from the beach!

(I think my brain exploded at this point)

I looked at my camera.  Low battery.

*swear word*

I took a few shots, watching the battery drain completely and started to pout.  I had been told I wasn't shooting!  Now there was a chance I could?  What was I supposed to do?

I figured that it was worth the drive home and back to get my battery charger so that even if I'd miss and hour or so, I'd be able to shoot the rest of the night.

So I (kind of) sped home, grabbed my charger and got back to the hotel in record time.

And then had to wait for the thing to charge!

But it was awesome.  The guy (who I hadn't actually talked to at the beach) brought his adorable girlfriend and he was really nice.  I would have just assumed that a guy that attractive (because you guys, really, so handsome) would be a jerk but not at all.  Funny, sweet, maybe even a little shy, quiet, awesome. 

Jason talked his assistant through lighting set up (and I tried to listen and learn but... THE MODEL WAS IN THE BED IN HIS UNDERWEAR!) and then some pointers on posing male models (TO MAKE HIS SIX PACK LOOK EVEN BETTER!) and then I just kind of said aww fuckit, the battery's got to be charged enough!

There was no way I was going to manage on manual, but I took a few shots just to see.  I figured it wasn't worth the stress and I just wanted to enjoy shooting this guy because how many times in my life am I ever going to have this opportunity?!? so I just stuck it on auto and I started shooting.

The first few shots were blah but I've learned that when shooting people in a situation like this that's just kind of like the warmup.  I honestly spent a lot of time just staring at him.  Sure, for the first five minutes it's because he was so good looking, but after that it was more to figure out where I wanted to be to get the shoot of him that would make him look good.

And there were some terrible shots for sure.  I've deleted them since, but god bless digital cameras and not losing a roll of film to blinks and weird eye movements and bad timing, but I have to say you guys, even a gorgeous guy can have a terrible photo taken of him.  Take heart.  I had proof!  I managed to get some of him looking as if he were not so smart, or half asleep, or on some drugs, and I even giggled at one that could have made the cover of one of those trash magazines it was that unflattering!

But after a while, once the other two were done shooting him, I'd slip in and get a few shots.  And after a while of that, he'd make eye contact with my camera and boom.  Got it.  Awesome.  Those of you who shoot more than casually probably know that feeling of when you click the shutter button and you KNOW you got the shot you want.  I think I actually said "there we go" outloud, I just knew I'd connected the way I'd wanted to.

And it was fun.  He was sweet and humble and a nice kind of flirty and when I wasn't shooting I was giggling away with his girlfriend and taking pictures of her too (the two of them would make the most beautiful babies...evar!) and I really really enjoyed it.

And I have to say this.  It was not AT ALL sexual.  Not arousing (other than the first few minutes when I was a giggling twelve year old going "OMG THERE IS A GORGEOUS MAN IN HIS UNDERWEAR IN A BED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!!") or anything other than photographically interesting.

I wanted to take some good shots.  That's what my focus was.

I wanted to make this attractive person look good in a photo.  That's what I was thinking about.

I was thinking about angles and where I wanted to sit/stand/etc.  It was so cool you guys.  SO cool.

I chatted with the guy after and he talked about how it had been fun and how it takes four or five times of shooting with someone before you get the good shots, before you get comfortable and my heart went a pitter patter thinking that if he shoots with Jason again maybe, just maybe I could shoot him again too?  *gulp*

I looked through the shots I'd taken later that night and you guys?  I'm in love.

Not with him.  I don't even want to make whoopie with him, I'm just in love with the shots I got.  The "wow, it looks like he wants to make whoopie with me through the lens" kind of shots.  The shots that made me fan myself because, whew.  What a pretty, pretty person.

I'm not even going to talk about the self-doubt thoughts I'm having about how the shots could be better, I'm just going to enjoy the shots I took and the fact that they make me giggle and feel very happy (in a few ways, ahem.)

I won't be doing anything with the shots, I'm sorry I can't share them here, but it was an amazing experience to have had and I'm feeling very lucky and happy to have had it!

Yay life!  Thanks!

Thursday, 14 August 2014

I Just... I Can't Even

So if I told you my after work day yesterday involved a male model, and my camera would you understand why I can't quite make words happen?

I would tell you it involved a king sized bed too but then you'd get the wrong idea.

Tomorrow... I'll have my brain back tomorrow, I promise.

But, seriously.

People should not be legally allowed to be that pretty you guys!

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Previously On...

So I have no idea right this second what I've mentioned here or not or what is just in my head and it's waaaay too hot and muggy right this moment to check my archives but here's where things are for this year's trip to Burning Man.

I got a ticket.  The people I travelled with last year didn't.  This was just the luck of the draw of the ticket sales this year and I was happy I was lucky.

Work told me I could have the week off but not the next week so I wasn't sure a) How I was getting there at all and b) How I was getting back.

I decided I would book a flight back.  This made me feel better.  But then I realized this meant I still didn't know how to get there, and didn't know how to get my gear and bike back.  Ugh.

The two gals from last year decided to opt out of this year's trip.  Connor still wanted to go but didn't have a ticket and was denied holiday time from his work.

I had no idea what I was going to do.

A month or maybe two ago I ran into a fellow at the beach who was talking about Burning Man and I budged into the conversation and it turned out he had a second (extra) ticket.  He said he wasn't sure what he was going to do with it.  I told him I'd love to buy it off of him.  He said maybe.

I took hope from this!

I told Connor.  He went to work the next day and asked again for the time off and was given it.


The beach fellow still wasn't sure what to do about the ticket.

I started to look for tickets in various other interwebby places.

Connor signed up for the OMG (final chance) ticket sale but it sold out in minutes and again he was not lucky.

No luck on social media or interweb.  Everyone I talk to just sends me back to the same interweb locations to look.  With all the other people who really want tickets.

So now Burning Man is two weeks away.  We're supposed to leave next Friday.  I have a refundable plane ticket I think I should refund as it doesn't seem to make sense at this point.  Beach guy still hasn't decided what to do with his extra ticket.

Connor and I are getting really antsy and I'm trying to have enough faith for the both of us.

I don't know what I'm going to do, I'd really like Connor to get a ticket and for us to travel there and back together.  I don't know about how quickly we can get back to town as I still have to be at work on Tuesday.  I guess I could drive myself but I'm really not comfortable with that idea.  I guess I could try for a ride share, but I feel like it's getting so last minute to make these decisions.

I don't know what to do and am trying to let it all happen, but... it's so not my comfort zone to not have things planned.

Although, it is just a matter of digging out my boxes from last year and double checking things.  I can do that quickly.  I still have to help Jason fix up my bike, but even that doesn't HAVE to happen, it would just be nice.

I've connected with a camp I'd like to camp with and I want to finalize that but I'm worried about just throwing money at something when I'm not even sure how it's all going to come together.

Not sure what I'm supposed to learn here because I feel like maybe I should have bought two tickets when I got mine... or that I should just let it go and trust, but... those are both "shoulds" and should isn't much fun.

So... it's getting pretty down to the wire and I'm trying not to stress, but I'm not comfortable with not knowing and not having that second ticket for Connor.

So... some small but large details still to work out...

Fingers crossed I guess?

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Da Bike

I've been too nervous to get on my bike again since the owie, so I haven't ridden it back to Jason's yet.

He's still going to help me fix it up for Burning Man (extend the handlbars so I'm less crouchy, replace the brake pads because they're getting a bit low, and, well we kind of went and bought fun spray paint to make her even prettier! Squee!) so I guess I have to carefully ride it over there soon.

I mean, sure, I could stick it in the back of my trunk but that seems silly seeing as he lives so close and I'm going to be riding it for a week straight down on the desert.

But last night I finally saw a bike in town with Monkey Lights.

Monkey lights are these super bright LED magic computer light things that you put in your spokes and as you pedal they make patterns.

I saw them last year but didn't get any as I didn't figure I needed them on my bike.  I had EL wire and figured that was enough.  But I didn't realize/get that Black Rock City has no streetlights.  I know that sounds dumb, but you have no idea of how dark it is when you're used to living in a place that is actually fairly lit at night.

So even the EL wires didn't seem that bright and I wanted my bike better lit this year, because it feels safer and less likely that a vehicle won't see you.

But I'd never seen these lights until last night and when I saw them on this guy's bike?  Totally un-missable.  Perfect for the dark dark nights on the Playa and plus they look fun.

I don't care if they make a design, this guy was stopped when I saw them, it just means your bike is totally visible and that's what matters to me.

So the order went in this morning and they should be here by the end of the week.

I think my bike is going to look super awesome, just have to relax enough to get it to Jason so he can help me make that happen!

Monday, 11 August 2014


I like recycling.

I do.

I like putting the paper in the paper bin and the plastics in the plastics bin and the refundables in their bin and well, it just makes me feel satisfied.

Like it's the right thing to do and I'm doing it and I'm not making things worse, I might just be making them a little bit better and that feels good.

It's simple, but whenever I drop a box or piece of paper or food container into the paper recycling container I feel good.

Ain't nothing wrong with that.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

My Take

I don't know if it's a good thing (because it's big enough already and maybe I shouldn't be telling people how awesome it is) or a bad thing (because people assume things about me when I mention it) but I get a little frustrated/offended when I talk to people about Burning Man and their first response is how it's a week long drug-fuelled orgy in the desert.


I mean, sure.  There must be some people in a population of sixty THOUSAND who take drugs and have sex all day every day, but that's not what Burning Man is to me... or to, I'm sure, many many many of the other tens of thousands of people who go and/or try to go year after year.

To me, Burning Man is impossible to really describe, because there's so much to it.  You can't possibly understand how massive it is until you've been, or how much there is to see until you've been, but that somehow sounds elitist.  Like, oh, caviar?  You'll only know how tasty it is when you're rich enough to taste it you little person...

So I'll just say this.  To me, Burning Man is a chance to spend a week in a frigging gorgeous but inhospitable desert with tens of thousands of Scientists, Engineers, Artists, Dancers, Painters, Welders, kind, loving, soul-full strangers from all over the world who want the world to be the best possible version of itself that we can possibly imagine.

And to me, it's a time to stop worrying about work or stresses or what you're supposed to be doing and just be in the moment and witness the incredible genius and ingenuity and brilliance of humanity.  And it's a time to try to be those things you want to be... less shy, less self-conscious, more forgiving, less judgemental, more open-hearted and to try things you never knew you wanted to try!

To call it a "drug-fuelled orgy" is so unfair and so untrue and kind of hurts my feelings.

But, you know, this is just my take on how I feel about the experience and the place.  Your mileage may vary and although I'm a drug-free, monogamous person myself, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Burning Man being whatever you want it to be for you.  It's just not fair to paint the entire thing with the same brush, I don't think.

And that's all I have to say about that.

*steps quietly down from mini soapbox*

Friday, 8 August 2014

Did I Really Just Say That?

Last Summer I bought a new fan because my old one died.

This one happened to come with a remote control and I didn't think anything of it at the time but you guys?  I kind of love it!

I'll just be sitting there and I'll think, hmmm, wish I had a bit more of a breeze and all I have to do is reach over, pick up the remote and press a button!

And then, when I don't want the breeze anymore?  Pick up the remote and bing!  Done!

I love me my magical remote control fan.  It's the bomb diggity.

Thursday, 7 August 2014


Managed to get in to see the massage therapist yesterday and apparently it's "yucky in there" (technical speak) and I have some nerve impingement.

Which... honestly, makes me feel better because although I still don't know WHAT I did, at least it's not just aches and pains and me being a wimp.

But, still....

Oh well, at least it's feeling a bit better each day.

Wednesday, 6 August 2014


I owied myself on my bike this weekend.

Not a crash or anything, I'm totally ok and road rash free, but it was a timely reminder for me, for sure.

I biked over to Jason's (for the first time) and although it wasn't a particularly long bike (fifteen... twenty minutes?) there was something about the ride (more traffic maybe?  more hills?  just my ... tension that day?  who knows) and by the time I got to his place, cooled down (because yeah, I'll go riding at lunch time on a super hot day, duh!) my neck and shoulders were killing me.

Like, as bad as when I was first in the car accident with C-Dawg. 


I say it was a good reminder, because I'll be riding a ton at Burning Man and although BRC has no hills, I do have to try to think about my posture and not hunch the entire time.

Jason's good with bikes and so he's going to help me raise the.. uh... stem thing (?) and hopefully that'll let me straighten up a bit and not have to hunch over but man...that did not feel good, and I'm glad I learned that lesson here where I can go to my own bed and use a heating pad, etc. etc.

Although... I did find last year on the desert that my achy things didn't ache with the heat and stuff so...

Anyway.  I owied my neck riding this weekend.  I'm glad I have a bit of time to try and fix that before spending a week on my bike.

Tuesday, 5 August 2014


Did I not post today?  My bad!

Happy Tuesday! 

*sneaks off, hoping no one noticed*

Monday, 4 August 2014


I imagine I said it last year too, but today is a holiday, and it once again snuck up on me.


I've heard a few other people say the same thing; that they forgot today was a holiday Monday.

The people I know noticed are those who were travelling or doing a lot of driving late last week.

Apparently it was a bit bonkers.

I'm happy to just stay here, maybe hit a lake or a beach or just wander and relax and enjoy all the wonderful that summer is.

I'm loving my long, late days, and the sunshine is delicious.

So, happy.. uh... BC Day?  (I think)  And/or happy Monday.

Saturday, 2 August 2014

Awwww Nuts

No.  Not nuts, actually.  Effing gluten.


I've been generally avoiding gluten (again) other than a small bit here or there, but this weekend away I threw caution to the wind and Jason and I bought REAAAAL bread and I ATE IT and mmmmmmm.... bread.

And then... I had a bread baby.

Ewww, no, I don't mean it the way my brother means it (hint:  he's talking about poop) I just mean that I got so very bloated (I've never been someone who bloats by the way) that I seriously looked several months pregnant.  I actually wanted to do one of those Demi Moore nude pregnancy shots.  Oh, plus it hurt.

So I figured I'd been given my pretty distinct message by my body that it really does not like gluten.

And I was sad.


Except... Jason and I went out for dinner last night and... well, I thought I'd just have a teeny tiny bit of bread and WHAM.

Not the most funnest drive home later for me and my poor tum tum.


I love bread, you guys.  So so much.

And pasta.

OMG I love pasta.


Celiac or not, my body is not a fan.  And that sucks.

But bread babies suck kind of more because ouch.


Friday, 1 August 2014

I'm Sure He's Not The Only One

Do you ever have that experience of listening to a song and something about hearing it right then and there and that one particular lyric trips something in your mind and all of a sudden you just *know* something?

Well, that happened to me last night.

I got home from work and went for a ride down to the beach.  It was sunny and a beautiful evening and as I came home "Dead Sea" by The Lumineers came on.

I'm not sure I'd ever listened to the lyrics particularly before last night, but as I did I realized something.

I may not know what Jason's intentions towards me are, but I know what his intentions for me are.

He wants the best for me.  And knowing that as much as I realized I know that last night is a reassuring thing and it feels solid and good to have that in someone in my life.  A male in my life.

He may not be a lot of things, but he, at the end of it all, wants what's best for me and that matters.
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