Friday, 31 July 2009

The Men in My Life Who Are Not Bird. A Status Update: Redux

I thought, to further yesterday's post, I'd catch you up on other guys.... (From last year-ish.)

1. Cute temp spy worker guy: We're friends now. Turns out, in his case, "partner" meant boyfriend. Which is fine. He's still hot. We hung out last weekend, down in the inner harbour, soaking up the sun. I love watching girls take notice of him. We're really not as subtle as we think when we're checking out hot guys! So, yeah, got a friend out of that. Yay!

2. Runner Girl's Shy but Sweet Friend: Haven't heard anything else about him since this. And speaking of on line dating, I don't think I ever really told you (and I only have so much patience while going through my archives, so maybe I did and just don't remember) but I did go on a few (a couple? hard to remember) dates with someone I met on line. We got along fine and he was a nice guy, but I got sick and had to cancel a couple of dates and then things just kind of petered out. Also, and this is a weird one for me. . . I randomly ran into someone I talked to on the dating site, but because I was pretty anonymous on the site they didn't know it was me. I felt like a reverse-stalker. (Whatever that means) Didn't date him though. Had found our chats on line a little too heavy and negative.

3. Cute guy I've had a crush on forever: Otherwise known as Huck. Huck's now off the market (again) in a relationship that seems to be one he's very happy in. I do hope he's happy, because the man is so good looking he takes my breath away. For reals. Like, model good looking. *dreamy sigh*

4. Young Buck Co-worker, Runner Guy, All of my Exes: Well, I saw Young Buck Co-worker a while ago at a concert with his arms around a pretty young thing, and have no idea about runner guy. I did run into one of my exes, three times, and got a form email from another who's become an accountant sort of thing. But other than those two, I haven't heard from any of my other exes. All gone. Bye bye!

5. Bird: Saw him, was able to be friendly to him. Was shaking the entire time. Went home and cried. Was surprised.

6. Smith: Tried to contact him when our mutual friends were going through a really tough time. C's husband has tried to contact him too, even leaving a message with his folks, with no success. No one's heard from him since I last spoke to him, so we all just hope he's ok. My guess is that he's just moved on. I just wish he hadn't moved on from his friends. That's a little sad.

7. Anyone I'm missing that you can think of and want an update on?

Thursday, 30 July 2009

There Are Balls In This Photo On Purpose


What y'all want to know about.

Well, most of y'all anyway.

Ok. Guys.

First of all, there aren't currently any in my life in a romantic way. Let's just get that out on the table shall we? Right.

It's been a while since I mentioned it, but I had a crush. Part of the reason I haven't talked much about it is that I know him through a part of my life that I don't talk about here.

No, not work, somewhere that I go, something that I'm involved with, something that allows me to grow and work on myself and somewhere that allows me to perform, which has been a saving grace and joy for me, but somewhere that I'm even less comfortable talking about than work. If you can believe that. So I didn't want to talk about the crush because I couldn't figure out a way to not talk about where we met, and how I know him, but since it's my blog and that puts me in charge, I'm just going to tell you that I met him at Not Work. Through Not Work. Yeah.

Met him and, actually, strangely enough, already knew him as one of the several (er, many?) cute guys at the gym, just never knew who he was or what his name was. (I just called him "that cute guy".)

So meeting him, for real, and already thinking he was cute turned immediately into a crush. Which was squashed (by me) because he had a girlfriend and I don't go there.

And then he didn't.

Have a girlfriend, I mean.

And we started hanging out, a group of us, and as I got to know him, the crush got bigger. And dreamier. And gigglier. Until I realized I was doing almost the same thing with him I did with Bird: dreaming up a relationship on what I didn't know about him instead of getting to know him and then dreaming up a relationship *if* he was worth it.

And knowing this I got weird. Like, didn't know how to talk to him weird. But a month or so ago, I got up the courage and just told him, because by this time I knew he wasn't interested in me. No, really, I did. Despite what my well meaning friends told me, I knew he wasn't interested. So I went ahead and told him that I'd had a crush on him and felt a little awkward around him.

There was a teeny tiny little part of me (ok, maybe it wasn't *that* small) that was hoping the conversation would turn into "Really? Because I have a secret crush on you too!" and we'd make out and live happily ever after, (what, it could happen!) but the door was firmly shut (and padlocked) when he responded with "Well, I'm looking forward to having an excellent friendship with you."

Which wouldn't have been so bad.

Except that he and another friend in the group realized that after years of friendship they have feelings for each other and are now dating. Which also might not have been so bad if they hadn't had this realization a week after I'd spoken to him.

It felt icky.

And rude, somehow, even though I know it was nothing personal, and even though I already knew he wasn't interested in me and even though I'd already figured it out before either of them did. Even though I saw it coming. Them, I mean. I saw them liking each other before they even knew they did. It all felt very high school.


So, that's about it, dating wise.

Well, except for the week-long hormone-driven crush I had on the guy's young (read: a bit too loud for my taste) but good looking best friend somewhere in there. Whoops.

So. Now you know.

Had a crush. Knew better than to continue said crush. Went ahead and continued crushing anyway. Learned the hard way. Am still single.


Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Sometimes When You Can't Seem to Put it Into Coherent Sentences, It's Best to Just Let it All Hang Out.

I'm not sad but I am.

There's a voice inside me that keeps saying "This may be your last summer on your own, so enjoy it while you can. No one else to think about but you. Cherish it" but there's also the feeling I get when I think about the things I could be doing right now. "Could" being the operative word (in my mind) because, for example, you don't camp alone. And I don't know anyone else I could camp with. The be-babied friends, the happily married friends, the non-campers but great people friends. I don't know anyone else. You camp with your family. Your single girlfriends. Your boyfriend. Your husband.

Cue the quiet voice... "Why not by yourself? Why. Not?"

But I haven't.

Camped, that is.

I have, by myself, gone for walks, sat and watched street entertainers, gone to Luminara, read five books in two weeks.

I have moments of absolute delight at my single-ness, my ME time. Moments of laugh-out-loud at a tv show and hugging myself because my company is the easiest I've ever known.

But honesty propels me to say that there have also been moments of keen missing, of feeling left out. Of sitting at home listening to fireworks because I didn't have anyone to go with. I didn't have a partner to go with.

Moments of walking through a public gathering and seeing the couples, the young families, the hand holding, the what-I-don't-have-ness and hurting.

Moments of wondering how I will ever come to meet someone when my life is limited to my work space and my coming home to get ready for the next work day space and my one, two, three communities that I put my time into. Where do I have to go? Who do I have to become? No, what part of me do I have to let out, to satiate in order to be around people, the person. Him.

Whoever he is.

And there's occasional moments of panic. Along the lines of "What if I buy a new car and drive it off the lot and scratch it?" I have moments of "If I do meet someone, I have to get to know him. I have to date. And what if I think he's something he's not. Like has happened before. In the past. Historically?"

Bird was a year ago. Exactly a year ago was Bird.

I believe I'd handle it differently now. I feel stronger.

I've been quiet about certain things since Bird. Quiet about crushes and romantic hopes and dreams. Quieter than I should have been maybe, but I felt the need to be guarded. I'm less comfortable when the lines between my life and this blog get blurry and I'm always, always aware of what my Buddy (hi Buddy!) said to me when I first started this blog forever ago that I should write knowing that it may be read by the very person I'm writing about; that there is no anonymity on the internet. So I try to write as if they're reading along. Whoever they are. And I try to write imagining how they'd feel if they came across themselves, written about, without permission on the internet.

I try to imagine how I'd feel if it happened to me.

But after a time of silence, it feels wrong, it feels like I'm leaving out part of my story. Which I am. Which I'm allowed to do.

But ultimately, this is *my* story, and I only ever wrote it down for me.

Whoever it is I'm becoming.

Whether or not this is my last summer being single, I still wish I had a best friend who was all mine.

I guess, for now, that's me.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

You Know It's Hot When. . .

Now, I'm not complaining here (not being one to complain about the weather, rather one to enjoy it for what it is knowing that soon enough it'll be something else, know what I mean?) but we's in the middle of a heat wave round these here parts. Wooee!

See, my apartment's not air conditioned. Neither is my work (spy bat caves are hotter than you'd think). The mall is, but as I found yesterday, wandering the mall means I end up buying things and that's not great in the long run.

Part of the gym is air conditioned, and I know this because I sent myself there today figuring that if I was going to be hot and sweaty, I may as well get some exercise out of it (please ignore the fact that I could totally make a sex related joke here). I then came home, hot and sweaty but having breathed cool air for a while and took a cold shower.


Now I'm sitting here with two fans doing their thing, barely any clothing, and a damp cloth on the back of my neck.

It's actually warm when I take it off after a few minutes.

It's not the heat that I have trouble with, it's the lack of air. I'm not fond of stuffy. Hence the fans! Ta da!

So, yeah.

It's hot, peeps.

*Starts singing obscure musical songs, then adds this video so you can play along at home*

HMV 193 Gramophone, 78 RPM, Too Darn Hot

Aural and Visual

My thoughts right now are one big SYTYCD lyrical playlist. And then they're not.

Don't believe me? Trust me. One minute I'm all :

Winter Song - Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson


John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

Kate Bush  - This Woman's Work

Or singing along to this turned up full blast in the car

Bon Iver - Re: Stacks

And then I catch myself and remind myself that it's not all one sided, none of it and then, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, sometimes before I even know it it's all good.

More on this tomorrow. This post is long enough as is.

Monday, 27 July 2009

The Truth Comes Out

If it hadn't been for Secret Agent Josephine (who, despite the name, isn't a co-worker of mine) and a link from her to Bethany's site where there was then a link to this, I would never have discovered that they've taken my life and turned it into a (seriously hilarious and awesome and new favourite holy smokes why have I never heard of this show before thank goodness I have two whole seasons to watch all at once now!) tv show.

It has been a little upsetting to find the show, because at no point did NBC *ask*if they could base a show on my life. I mean, sure, they may have changed her name to "Sarah" and died her hair blonde, but, seriously, it's completely obvious who the character is based on. I just can't believe I didn't notice I was being watched!

Chuck NBC Full Promo

Saturday, 25 July 2009


I forgot to tell you how awesome the Xavier Rudd show was the other day weekthe other time.

And it was. Awesome.

But more than that, I came out of the concert remembering and knowing that there is so much more to life than petty concerns and personal grievances.

I'm really lucky to have the life I have, and I love my life.

Thanks for the reminder Mr. Rudd.

Friday, 24 July 2009

Note to Self

Next summer, you can go ahead and buy the giant box 'o blueberries *and* the giant bag 'o cherries, no problem.
Just don't eat them both on the same day.
Trust me.

Thursday, 23 July 2009

I'm a Little Lacking in the Sleep Department. Can You Tell?

I can be dead, dead asleep, sleeping the sleep of the righteously asleep, but the second I hear the buzzing whine of a mosquito? I'm wide awake.

No, seriously, I hear that sound and I'm fully, completely, could save the world in that instant awake.

The real question here, of course, is not "why the heck do they always wait until I'm completely asleep to sneak into my room" but "how could I use this to my advantage?"

I mean, what if on all those mornings I just can't drag myself out of bed I had a mosquito trained to come wake me up? Maybe I could turn into one of those people who wake up early and go for long runs if I had a trained mosquito.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009


So I've discovered that I'm a little behind in my photo album.

As in, the photos I printed out last time I printed out photos (oh please can we not relive the misery I felt that day?) are still in the print out box (I needed a box. Sigh) and they're from 2007.

And two thousand and six, shhhhh!

A little behind, as I said.


Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Because I Love You

Amazing choir (Perpetuum Jazzile) uses their hands to simulate storm

Is now tied for favourite with this one methinks. Maybe.

Monday, 20 July 2009

So. Cool!

You'll never guess what I just saw?

Well, ok, not, like "just" just, but, really it was so cool that it feels like I just saw it so you can forgive me, right? Right!

Because I saw them putting a house on a barge!

A house! On a barge! On the water! They put a house on the water! (With the barge inbetween)

I mean, as if it wasn't odd enough to be driving along and realize that there was a gigantic house IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! it was super cool to watch the process the guys went through to get it onto the barge.

I think I spent something like three hours just sitting there watching, it was the coolest thing I've seen in a long time.

Plus, the cute helper construction (wait, do you call them construction guys if they're not, actually, building something? Like, would he have been a totally differently named job?) guy was a nice bonus.

But, seriously. They put a whole, entire house onto a barge.


Saturday, 18 July 2009


I think this town has bi-polar weather disorder.

It's jeans and hoodies one day and "holy crow I wish I could be naked it's so hot" a couple days later.

How 'bout you? You having normal weather or is yours moody too?

Friday, 17 July 2009

Um, Yay?

So, I just had what I guess is the first good part about having Celiac disease.

See, I've never liked getting the flouride treatment at the dentist. Nev. Er.

Not when I was a kid and that gooey stuff had to sit in the trays and certainly not as an adult (by age only, not by maturity level, I know, I know) with the swishy stuff that gak, gah, I don't even want to think about because ick.

I actually used to refuse the stuff because when I'd accidentally swallow it (which is hard not to do damnit) I'd feel so gross after.

Well, when I told the hygenist this time that I'd just found out about having Celiac she told me that that meant I couldn't have the flouride as their formula has gluten in it in some form.

I did a happy dance in the chair my friends.

And then I let her clean my teeth.

So yeah, there's at least one benefit to this whole thing; no more evil flouride blechy swishing stuff!

Let's just hope my teeth don't all fall out now.

(I kid. I kid.)

(I hope)

Updated to add: Look at this post I just found. Ha!

Thursday, 16 July 2009


I can't pinpoint the date exactly, but a while ago, instead of always thinking to myself "I wish people were more comfortable just chatting with each other" I decided that I would, when the individual gave of a "safe" kind of vibe, go ahead and initiate conversations with strangers.

You know, like in the grocery lineup, or while choosing the best cherries from the bins, or while sitting watching fascinating things involving heavy machinery happening (more on this later, I promise!)

A conversation I had the other night has lingered with me and I'm not really sure why.

I was in the lineup at the checkout at the grocery store (hello, I think I've covered all the obvious points, yes?) when a gentleman behind me asked if he could look at one of the items I was buying. I told him to go ahead and we chatted for a bit.

He talked about how he hadn't grown up with these things, having grown up in a "totalitarian society" and for the life of me I don't know why I didn't ask where he'd grown up because I really can't figure it out. I usually think I'm pretty good at figuring out accents, certainly those from around Great Britain and I would have thought this man's accent was Irish. ish. Irish-ish.

I've been trying to figure it out since and wish I'd asked.

Any thoughts out there? It's kind of stuck in my brain, as you can see.

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

I Just Have to Say

That Cat Deeley is one of the most adorablest, loveliest, sweetest people ever ever ever on television and I Loooooove her and want to hug her.

And if I won the lottery I'd pay a gazillion dollars to have Mia Michaels choreograph a dance for me.

*happy sigh*

Tuesday, 14 July 2009


Anyone else seriously tired out these days?

Ok, all of you with your hands up, when you're tired, do you go to bed early so you can get extra sleep or do you stay up late working on things that really don't need to be worked on and then find yourself all not-tired even though you really really are?

Oh. Just me then?


Monday, 13 July 2009

Aaaaaah! It's Monday the 13th!

Er, wait, never mind.

I got my days of the week mixed up. Sorry.

Nothing to see here, move along folks.


Sunday, 12 July 2009

I Entitle This Video "How to Make Victoria Cry"

Disneyland Musical Marriage Proposal

I wish *my* name was Erica.

Or Amy.

Saturday, 11 July 2009


Well, hi! How are ya?

Hanging in there? Doing great? Somewhere in between?

I wouldn't say things are settling down around here exactly, but I'm hoping that I'm sitting here typing this means I've found some sort of flow that works.

Those of you who write blogs probably know the feeling of missing a few days or a week or so of writing and then how it can feel a little clunky to get back at it. I'm a little bit in that space at the moment, but it's either "sit down and hammer away at the keyboard and hope something half decent comes out" or "just keep not writing anything" and that's not much fun.

So, how to summarize my last week or two? Busy. Emotion-filled. OK.

I do have some holiday time coming to me and it's already looking like it's going to be busy. Fun, I'm sure, but busy.

My car accident recovery is coming along; it's a very slow but steady kind of thing at the moment and I'm working hard and not rushing ahead too fast. I'm heading into my fourth month away from the gym, and those of you who've been around here for a while know that that's a big change in my routine. I'm not sure what's harder; not having the regular routine and familiarity of the place, or not having the regular stress release of the excercise. The good news is that I've worked back up to 25 minutes of cardio and other than a few twinges if I push too hard or fast, I don't think my endurace has lost much. I'm tighter than I used to be, and no, not in a good way, more in a "less-flexible" kind of way so all in all, I'd like to get back to the gym and see how it all goes.

I've had some personal-type news in the last week that was unexpected and have been riding some waves of sad. One is a move by a family member to the Maritimes (where, no, I don't expect they'll run into Smith) and the other will take a bit of explaining if and when I get around to deciding to share about it.

Other than that, I finally saw Up! and Wall-E and cried, cried, cried at Seven Pounds, so I guess you could wag your collective finger at me for watching too many movies when I could have been writing posts, eh?

So, yeah. Here goes, getting the ball back rolling here, and trying not to notice that the days are getting ever so slightly shorter so please don't mention it, kay?


Missed ya. Hope you had a great Canada Day/Independence Day/Regular non-North American Day.


(That's the noise a kiss makes. FYI)

Monday, 6 July 2009

Waving (Not Drowning)


Apparently still on pause mode, which I didn't expect to be, but things are just super busy! It's like Christmas in July!

Heh, that was unintentionally funny.

Like, you know how at Christmas there are ten million and five parties that happen and get togethers and family comes out and friends want to meet up and stuff? Yeah, that's kind of been my week. (Or two!)

So it's not that I don't have anything to say (although, I don't have a whole lot of anything much to say) it's just that I, honestly, haven't had the time to sit and write anything down.

And I know, I know, I'm doing it now, but yeah, I made myself sit and type this out just so I had something on here to prove I'm not off on some super secret spy mission so secret I couldn't even talk about in in code here.


I'll try to find some time real soon-like kay?


Love youse!

Be good.
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2019 and then some.) Kay? Kay.