The Men in My Life Who Are Not Bird. A Status Update: Redux

I thought, to further yesterday's post, I'd catch you up on other guys.... (From last year-ish.)

1. Cute temp spy worker guy: We're friends now. Turns out, in his case, "partner" meant boyfriend. Which is fine. He's still hot. We hung out last weekend, down in the inner harbour, soaking up the sun. I love watching girls take notice of him. We're really not as subtle as we think when we're checking out hot guys! So, yeah, got a friend out of that. Yay!

2. Runner Girl's Shy but Sweet Friend: Haven't heard anything else about him since this. And speaking of on line dating, I don't think I ever really told you (and I only have so much patience while going through my archives, so maybe I did and just don't remember) but I did go on a few (a couple? hard to remember) dates with someone I met on line. We got along fine and he was a nice guy, but I got sick and had to cancel a couple of dates and then things just kind of petered out. Also, and this is a weird one for me. . . I randomly ran into someone I talked to on the dating site, but because I was pretty anonymous on the site they didn't know it was me. I felt like a reverse-stalker. (Whatever that means) Didn't date him though. Had found our chats on line a little too heavy and negative.

3. Cute guy I've had a crush on forever: Otherwise known as Huck. Huck's now off the market (again) in a relationship that seems to be one he's very happy in. I do hope he's happy, because the man is so good looking he takes my breath away. For reals. Like, model good looking. *dreamy sigh*

4. Young Buck Co-worker, Runner Guy, All of my Exes: Well, I saw Young Buck Co-worker a while ago at a concert with his arms around a pretty young thing, and have no idea about runner guy. I did run into one of my exes, three times, and got a form email from another who's become an accountant sort of thing. But other than those two, I haven't heard from any of my other exes. All gone. Bye bye!

5. Bird: Saw him, was able to be friendly to him. Was shaking the entire time. Went home and cried. Was surprised.

6. Smith: Tried to contact him when our mutual friends were going through a really tough time. C's husband has tried to contact him too, even leaving a message with his folks, with no success. No one's heard from him since I last spoke to him, so we all just hope he's ok. My guess is that he's just moved on. I just wish he hadn't moved on from his friends. That's a little sad.

7. Anyone I'm missing that you can think of and want an update on?

Shrug

I'm in kind of a different (I refrained from using the word "weird", yay me) headspace with regards to guys right now.

The guy I went on a couple of coffee dates with right now is out of town for a while so there's nothing new on that front.

I've fallen out of "he's perfect"-ness with the guy I thought was maybe meant by the Universe to be my husband.

I can't even be bothered wishing Huck would suddenly decide he wants to call.

Maybe I'm still just tired from the death plague, because lord knows that took a lot out of me, but I don't know. I kind of feel like I just can't be bothered with the whole wondering about guys thing right now.

It just somehow doesn't seem like that big a deal.

Just Chillin'

Not a whole lot going on around here, which, frankly, is pretty darn nice.

Things right now just feel mellow and good.

On the guy front, I ran into Huck again and was reminded just how good looking he is and am mulling over the idea of asking him to hang out sometime.

I've had a couple of small dates with a nice fellow, but I'm not sure it's going to go anywhere as he's possibly planning on moving to another country, and, well, yeah. That's probably all you'll hear me say about him.

I also met a man through work who was so handsome and wonderful and amazing and not single, but for a whole day I was madly in love. Like, hearts fluttering out of my eyes in love. It was fun.

So there's your latest update: I'm enjoying the mellow and all is well.

How 'bout you?

Help Wanted. Apply Within.

I need a new name.

Not for me. Not for this site.

Not even for Huck (although I think maybe the name I dreamed for him might have been Michael or Mark. I think he could get away with being a Mark in real life, actually, but that's not the point of this now rambling post.)

I need a new name for the next guy I start to date.

I mean, not that there is a guy, I'm not saying that. (Although I'm not not saying that either, I'm just, well, anyway, stop looking at me like that I'm not saying anything!)

Anyway, at some point I'll have to meet someone and start dating them, right? I can't remain single for too long of a stretch (or else what would I write blog posts about?) and so if and when I do start to date someone, wouldn't it be nice if he already had a name and I didn't have to try to come up with one that made sense or whatever? (Because I've got to be honest, when I talk to people who know me both here and in real life [like B and S, who I got to hang out with this weekend, HI GUYS!] I start to get confused with who I named so and so and what's his name and why did I ever call him that anyway oh right, but really my brain can't hold too much more bizarre stuff in there holy smokes ramble much today?)

And therefore (yay, abrubt break!) I'd like some ideas from you in terms of naming my next possible .... (what do you call a guy you're dating? not "boyfriend" so, what? datee?) beau.

Make me proud y'all!

Strange But True

So I was thinking about Huck the other day.

Um, and a few days before that too. (So sue me, he's hot and therefore fun to think about!)

Oh, and, before I forget? I had a half-dreaming-half-awake one morning thought about his blog name and came up with a brilliant new name for him but all I can remember is that I thought "Whenever I hear 'Huck', I think of Huckleberry Finn and that makes me think of Mark Twain and that makes me think of [ ] so I should re-name him [ ] on my blog. Except, I can't remember the rest of what I thought. But it was good at the time.

Awww, nuts, now I forgot what I was going to say.... hang on...

Oh, right. I've been thinking about Huck lately. Maybe he's my default crush, you know? Like, when I have no other crush, I go back to thinking about him and how dreamy he is and how perfect we'd be together in my happy dream world. That kind of thing.

Then I had a completely unrelated conversation with my Mom where she said something about how sometimes you have to hear directly that you're not going to get the thing you want so that you can mourn the loss of it and move on.

And then it struck me that before I can completely, utterly, totally give up on Huck and I having a shot at happily ever after, I should get that direct "no" from him. I should allow him to say straight to me that he doesn't want to date me or isn't interested or whatever it might be, instead of just assuming that because he didn't call me when I left him a note with my number on it and didn't ask our mutual friend for information about me he's not interested.

I guess it's like I almost need that last hope squashed so that I can, as my Mom put it, mourn the loss of what my dreamy dream imagination dreamed up for the two of us.

So, I guess, at some point, I'm going to try to work up the nerve to straight up ask him out, to his face, and have him either turn me down then or turn me down after a cup of coffee. (Or, you know, ask me to marry him after we have our whirlwhind romance, right?) (Ahem)

I don't know if I'm getting across quite what I'm thinking/feeling here. I just know it makes sense in my head (and heart) right now, so we'll see what happens.

I mean, really, I still have to actually a) run into him, b) be brave enough to talk to him, and c) ask him on a sort of date type thing while hoping he's still not dating anyone and all.

Now, if only I could remember the awesome name I came up with for him!

OK Fine, I'll Tell You Everything

It was Bird.

The "companion" I turned to last weekend? Bird.

Bird, Bird, Bird. Bird. Bird. *sigh*

So why didn't I mention it? Why didn't I come right out and say "Hey, guys, I asked Bird if he'd ever sleep with me."? Well it seemed like saying that would open the door right up for people to roll their eyes at me and judge. Which, you know, is kind of not something I like. Even from the occasional random stranger who has shown up here and put in an unsupportive comment or two. (Which, um, DELETED, but still, ow.) So, yeah, I was chicken.

See, the last time I said anything significant about Bird it was this: "I still hang out with Bird every once in a while and am no longer wanting to get him in my pants (it's subtly different from wanting to get in his pants) except when something sets my hormones raging."

So it didn't feel cool to have said that and then be turning around and saying, "Well, actually, about that...I kind of am back to wanting to get him in my pants. Sorry!" Not that I have to apologize to you guys or anything, I mean you're awesome...but still. It felt weird.

But it wasn't entirely random.

I really had stopped wanting anything from Bird beyond the occasional person to watch a video with and lean up against when watching said video, because that's a nice feeling and mammals are meant to touch. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

But then I ran into my ex. And in case you couldn't catch it here, it really threw me. Really.

I'm not in the same space I was when DD and I were together but running into him made me feel like I was in no space. Not there, but not quite here. It's hard to explain. I suddenly felt in limbo somehow.

It's been strange.

And sometimes when things are strange I cling to something as an "answer" And in this case, I fell back, for a few days, into wanting to be in a new relationship RIGHT NOW! Now. And I started thinking about Huck and how maybe if I ran into him he'd suddenly remember to fall in love with me and maybe I should drop everything and go to his workplace and bat my eyelashes at him 'till the noticed?

Got talked off that ledge. (Thanks S!)

And then I started thinking about Bird and how, even though 80% of the time he's not boyfriend material, maybe I could be his girlfriend the other 20% of the time and just put my fingers in my ears and go "lalalalala" while rocking back and forth therefore not noticing the rest of the time?

Talked myself off that ledge pretty quick. (Thanks Sanity!)

And that was that. Kind of.

Somehow, running into DD had not only flipped my "want boyfriend not single life now" switch, it also flipped my "want hot man action now" switch. And I didn't think much about it because I was too busy thinking who I should have as my new fantastic boyfriend, why hello stranger, are you single? Until a girlfriend and I went out for dessert and drinks. (Mmmmm, what a combo, I'm drooling just thinking about it) We got talking, as girlfriends do, about guys and I caught her up on stuff. And then Bird texted, slightly drunk from an outing with his buddies. And my girlfriend started laughing, this gleam in her eye.

"Why don't you just have sex with Bird" she said. (Yeah, our conversation had gone from guys to sex. It's typical girl talk, to be frank.) "Seriously. I mean, why not? He's hot, you guys get along, make out with him."

And it was like my brain was hearing it for the first time. Bird? No. We're not like that. Nah. Bird? Wha?

But I laughed it off, telling her it wasn't good timing anyway. (Ladies, you hear what I'm saying, right? And, yes, this could be a whole other blog post, but I think I'm not going to go there)

"Perfect!" she exclaimed. "Then you'll know you can only go so far with things and you can test out what it's like to make out with him!"

And again, I laughed, "Yeah, right. Bird wouldn't make out with me anyway, so it's a moot point." And we left it at that.

But my brain didn't. My brain started wondering... "Would Bird make out with me? Would Bird sleep with me? Huh." And, now I'll admit, I can be a stubborn person. And curious. And if you let things mull around in my head for long enough, often, something will come out of it.

Like me, turning to Bird (after we'd ended up at a pub that, last time I'd been there, ironically enough, had been with DD) and saying "So. Would you sleep with me?"






More on this soon.

Probably tomorrow.

For now, I've got to go get ready to see an awesome concert on my province's legislature lawn.

Happy BC Day y'all.

We're 150. ;)

What's That?

An update, you say?

Now, for those of you who play along carefully at home, (like Yvonne,) you may have remembered me mentioning, once or twice, a guy I've had a crush on for a long while.

Said guy, who will now be referred to as Huck because B's girlfriend came up with Huck and it's better than any I came up with (Chuck? Doug? Steve? Simon? Randy? Paula? Huh?) is really a good looking fellow, and 99% of the girls I've ran into who've met him agree.

I've known (about) Huck for a long time as we used to share a social group; I was dating one of the friends of his friend kind of thing. He had a girlfriend at the time and I was super shy (I mean, miles shyer than I am now) so we never interacted. Fast forward a few years and I've only ever admired him from afar, never knowing if he was single and when I found out he was single, never having the guts to really talk to him.

Until the other week.

I don't know if it was driven by my (slightly) competitive nature upon hearing that a friend of a friend had randomly decided to ask Huck out for coffee or just frankly me growing up and deciding I was tired of being scared of something as simple as talking to an attractive guy or a combo of the two things, but last week, I waltzed into his place of work, called him over and talked to him for a few minutes.

It may not have been life-changing for him, but man was I ever on a high after that. Adrenaline rush? Why, yes, thank you very much.

A while after that B mentioned to Huck that I'd said I'd run into him and I was hoping Huck would ask B for information about me, thereby fulfilling all my fantasies and wishes and starting us on the road to having adorable babies and a happily ever after.

Alas, this did not happen.

I mulled it over for a while and decided that since I'd already started the ball rolling, I'd take it another step. See, Huck and I, at the end of our conversation, left things at "Well, we should hang out sometime" (me) and "Well, I'm always here, come by and" um, I actually forget what he said because I was kind of freaking out internally at this point. so I left him a note the next time I was by his workplace with my number and telling him he should call.

Alas, this has not happened either.

But I'm fine about it.

I mean, I'm not jumping for joy, (and quite possibly a bottle or two of wine may get opened in the near future to help in sorrow-drowning, you never know) but at least I put myself out there and (re)introduced myself to a guy I've always found attractive. I think that's an awesome accomplishment in itself.

And while I still wish Huck would call and realize his long lost love for me, I'm also fine knowing that there is a great guy out there for me and that Huck will never know what he's missing.

Plus, he's still nice to look at. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

PS. Yes, I did just update this. Why? Oh, um, because I kind of somehow used the wrong nickname anyway because it seems my brain is melty or something so I had to change them all because, well, yeah. And, yes, I may just be putting on a brave face. You'll never know!