Boo!

Happy All Hallow's Eve folks.


End of night update: My tum tum hurts. But not like this... (Stay away if you are of a delicate nature, this link makes reference to wommit.) Hope you all had a great Hallowe'en!

A Little Help Please?

I can't shake the feeling that I've forgotten something.

Something important.


I'd feel a whole lot better if I could just remember what it is I've forgotten.

Typecasting

I realized something really weird today. I don't typically end up going out with guys I'm attracted to.

OK. Let me explain.

I am immediately attracted to a certain type of guy. Runners, soccer players, triathletes. I love em. It's partly their body type and it's partly their attitude. Guys who play soccer at a high level are my least favourite of the three, but long distance runners and triathletes are generally really neat guys. They're dedicated, they're determined, they're fit, and in my experience, they don't take life too seriously. I love em.

The thing I realized today is that only one of my relationships was with a guy who fits into any of these categories.

Why is that? Are those types of guys not attracted to me? Do I get so shy around them they never think to ask me out? Are they not dating me because I'm not out there running marathons with them? What is it? Do they not have the time to ask me out what with all the dedication and determination and training?

I've gone on dates with soccer guys and runners and triathletes, but only once has it turned into a relationship. And he wasn't training seriously at the time.

So why is it? Why am I attracted to these types of guys but never end up being in relationships with them? And on the flip side of that, why have my last several relationships been with guys who haven't seen fitness as a priority in their lives?

I know my previous relationships have all been with guys I've been attracted to and interested in, but still. . . where's my athlete?

Do you have to be one to get one?

Time For Change

Someone want to tell me why, exactly, I need it to be getting dark at five pm instead of six?

I'm just going to spend the next couple of weeks talking about what time it *actually* is and being bummed out about having to go to work and come home in the dark anyway.

Poopy McPooperson.

*Goes off to pout*

*In the dark*

Uh

In case you didn't know?

Drunk people are loud.

Kay.

Call Me Crazy

I'm heading off for a coupla days, so I might not be able to approve the bazillions of comments you leave. Shouldn't stop you from commenting though, right? Right!

If you're stuck for something to read, head on over to Fussy's NaBloPoMo page and check out that list o' blogs. Or, check out the blogs of the cool people who comment here! Or, go read a book. They're cool too! And, easier to read in bed!

If you wanted, you could leave me some ideas of things you'd like me to post about during NaBloPoMo and I'll see what I can do! No promises though . . . peer pressure = writer's block don't cha know?

Other than that... go out and have some fun. this is the weekend before Hallowe'en after all.

Be safe, call a cab, and drink lots of water. It helps with the hangover.

And don't eat too many mini-chocolate bars. They're (supposed to be) for the kids!

Hot, Hot, Hot.

I have a couple of male friends who are pretty damn hot. (No, not the guy in the photo, he's hot, but I have no idea who he is.)

A couple of times I've thought about how it might feel to take one of my hot friends and go out to one of my ex's haunts. I've thought through how great it'd feel to rub it in his face that my new (pretend) boyfriend is super hot and so nice to me and aren't we having so much fun?

I know. Not much point in it.

I know. I'd probably end up bitter and disappointed in myself.

I know. It wouldn't work out the way I'd planned.

I know. It's dumb.

But still. When I play it through in my head the ex always ends up feeling so badly that he broke up with me. He realizes his mistake and right there in the bar he drops on his knees and begs my forgiveness and tells me he knows I'm the one for him. At which point, my super hunky (boy)friend tells him he's missed his chance and I'm with him now. My ex then goes off home and re-thinks his life and never ever throws away a great girl again.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Dreams. So nice.

Is that a wicked thing to think about? Am I totally insane? Does it mean that I'm still sane because I *haven't* done it? Sigh. Exes. They should all have to move away to another country to become monks. Unhappy ones.

Fortune 500

I couldn't get into blogger for a loooooooong time this evening.

As I was trying to sign in for the fourth or eighth time, I got a little dorky and mumbled "blogger down" (when I'm feeling particularly dorky, I tend to talk like Tarzan. ie. Me hungry. Me sleepy. Blogger down.) This, of course, made me burst out laughing.

I was standing in the kitchen saying "blogger down" like I was calling it in to dispatch. Walkie talkie noises and everything... It was awesomely fun.

I was going to sign in and blog about how funny it was, but, of course, blogger was down so I couldn't, which made me laugh even more.

Then I started saying it with a Scottish accent, "Blogger doon!" (a la: So I Married an Axe Murderer) Which caused continuing hilarity.

In my head.

It's fun in there!

So, yeah. Blogger's been down.

In case you were wondering.

I, however? Have not! ; )

Awkward

Once upon a time, my friends convinced me I should go on a date with this guy. I wasn't attracted to him but he was always nice to us so when he asked me if I'd like to go for coffee or something, I said sure.

After the initial small talk wore off, he started to tell me about his hobby. Nascar. Watching.

He told me about the cars he liked to watch and the accessories he had purchased (remember that Friends episode when Joey bought the Porche hat and gloves and jacket?) and the races he had seen and, unfortunately, I couldn't have been less interested. Well, I could have been, but not by a lot.

I felt badly when he walked me to my car because I *really* didn't want to have to deal with a goodbye kiss or a lack of one. I think I said something to him like "Well, this is the awkward moment, huh?" but I managed to get away without having to kiss him. There may have been a hug and a "Thankyou."

I didn't hear from him again so I figured he hadn't felt any connection either.

About a month later, I was sitting around drinking with my girlfriends when one of them asked how the date had gone. I told them that it wasn't the best but that it was ok since he had obviously felt the same way. It was at that point that another friend burst out laughing. We all turned to her.

"No, he totally liked you!" she giggled "But I told him that he'd bored you to death with the Nascar and you would never return his call so there was no point in him calling you!"

Poor guy.

I never told her that, but it's probably not too far from the truth. I'm honestly relieved that he didn't call because I didn't have to tell him I wasn't interested in another date and I didn't have to go through the awkwardness. I just feel badly that my friend shot him down without even checking with me first. Someone doing my dirty work without my knowledge feels wrong. Not since grade 7 have I asked someone to break up with a guy for me. (And that was only because another girl said she'd beat me up if I didn't dump him. Long story. ) I don't know.

Dating is just awkward, no matter what. But it's especially so when the attraction isn't mutual. Or when Nascar is involved. At great length.



PS. I didn't have my date at the Penny Farthing (pictured above), but you could. It's fun!

No Pressure Sales Pressure

My poor little car isn't feeling very well. I've been thinking for a while now that it may be time to buy a new car rather than constantly having repairs done on this one.

So this weekend, while my car was in the shop getting some work done, a couple of friends of mine took me to a local car dealership to test drive a car.

I was kind of looking forward to it.

I had a guy there so that I wouldn't be treated like a little lady and I had a girlfriend there so we could talk about girl stuff while the guys were being all car-like. Alloy? Drive-train? Huh? How about some of that there free hot-chocolate? So yeah.

I hated it.

The dude who cornered us in the lot explained that he wasn't a car salesman but an access specialist who was there to empower me to make the best choice and that since their cars had no markup and there wasn't any negotiating to be done how much did I want to spend?

I didn't know if I should laugh at him or run away from him but I just hated the whole experience. I had to sign away my life to take a car for a drive. After I'd signed a contract in blood promising him my first born child he told me to remember that they closed at six. I looked at my watch and seeing as there was half an hour til six, I told him I'd be back in fifteen/twenty minutes. "Take your time" he drawled. Uh, dude? You just told me to be back at six. I can't "take my time" if I've only got half an hour. Make up your mind.

I don't know if this is the experience I'm going to encounter with all car salesmen... or... comfort specialists, or whatever they are, but I'd really rather they just came out and said "Hi. I want you to buy a car from me. I know you'll be spending lots of money and that's kind of scary so let's make it fun and easy. Help me make a sale and I'll help you get a good deal."

Telling someone that there is no sales pressure on a car sales lot... well, that just doesn't work. It's baloney. I've worked commission sales, I know how it all works.

So, yeah. I may just not bother with the whole new car thing. Maybe I'll win one instead. That'd be fun.

PS. "I'm-not-a-sales-dude" dude just called to check in! LOL

Jack Bauer: 25

That's right. Twenty-FIVE. 24 is *so* last year.

You see, I've found a rogue quarter. I've named it Jack. It's currently under a pile of fruit. I think.

I was at the Dentist this morning (look, aren't my teeth sparkly?) and since I had an hour or so left before I had to go back to work (look, still at home!) I decided to pick up some groceries. (Look, I can eat tonight!)

As I was pulling my receipt out of my purse (to enter it into Quicken, aren't I a great budgeter?) a quarter had caught itself up in the folded receipt and backflipped into one of my grocery bags. I made a mental not to retrieve it later. (Cuz, dude, a quarter is like practically a whole dollar, almost.) After I'd put away the perishables (I kind of love that word) and checked my email and comments (I have priorities, people, and your comments are them!) I went back to put away the rest of my groceries.

I emptied out the bag-with-quarter-in and dumped it upside down to get the quarter out. The quarter did some kind of funky maneuver and ended up deep inside another bag. I then carefully emptied out that bag, making a pile on the counter, at which point, the quarter leapt from the bag and buried itself deep under a bunch of apples and a package of spaghetti.

I don't know what the quarter is trying to do. Or trying to avoid. I don't know if its life goal is to be spent or to never have to see the inside of a cash register. So, I'm trying to figure out what the best plan is.

I think I'm going to put away the rest of the groceries, go to work, and see where the quarter is once I get home.

I mean, who am I to get in the way of little Jack Quarter's quest for saving ... uh... saving the pennies from being put into rolls? (Look, I'm really not crazy, this little quarter had a PLAN! It was not going to stay quietly in the change pocket of my purse, brother.*)






*OK, would Desmond from LOST be as deliciously hunky if he didn't call everyone brother?

Wait...

This is only Monday?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

The Delicate Art of Male Friendship

I have some wonderful male friends who mean the world to me. I turn to them when I am broken hearted or need advice or when my car won't start or when I want a good laugh or when I need to watch the Canucks game or when I need to cry. I love these guys. Muchly, muchly.

These wonderful guys, these amazing male friends, are all married to (or as good as married to) my best friends. Maybe I care about them so much because they are an extension of my friends and because I love them for the joy they give to my friends. They are cool dudes and great friends, but they are not single males. Single males are tricky things for me to be friends with.

I don't really have any single, male friends. There are a few guys I hang out with once in a while that I consider friends, but, with all but one of them, I've done some smooching, so in my mind, they don't count. (Wow, that was a long awkward sentence, huh?)

For me, these guys don't count as male friends because the sex thing has played into it, even if minorly. So, there are a few guys who aren't boyfriends (and won't ever be, and that's really ok) but who I don't really consider as "just friends". I'm not completely relaxed around them because that tension is there. Even if it's just flirting and innuendos. I know we've passed a "just friends" stage into something different. And it's good in its own way. It's just not friendship.

At some point a couple of years ago, I told myself to find some male friends I could hang out with without worrying about the whole attraction thing. After failing at the endeavor with a fellow last year, I've managed to start a friendship with a nice guy this year where I don't have to worry about the sex thing. At some point, maybe, we could have been more than friends, but when that point didn't happen, or was passed, I realized it was probably better off that way and that I was happier it hadn't gone that way.

But I still fret. I wonder if the status quo will last or if he'll change. The guy I knew before and I had an awesome friendship starting, but things went... off. Where I felt I'd been clear about my feelings, he felt I'd led him on. I've been wary of male friendship ever since. Once bitten, twice shy they say.

I'm hoping my choice in this new friend is a wiser one. I'm hoping there's no time when he wants something I don't. I'm hoping you don't all write me comments telling me that you married your male friend and I should just "let things happen". I don't want to go there. I really don't. That's the whole point. I want a male friend who is *just* a friend. It's important to me. I don't want to have to worry about romantic feelings with at least one single male in my life.

I know lots of girls who have tons of single male friends. I don't. I know lots of girls who are friends with their exes. I'm not. Single males are a species I don't generally count as "friends." I see them as something to date or someone who does or doesn't want to date me. I want to have at least one male friend who is just that. A male. And a friend. I think it'd be a good thing. I just hope it's a possibility. I think it is.

Hello? Anyone? (Echo... Echo... Echo... )

There never seems to be anyone around here on the weekends.

Are y'all just reading at work? Is that what it is? Do I have to tell on you?

I got asked to go to a party tonight. By text message. I have no idea who has asked me. Wheeeeeeee!

Sorry "Brian". Have fun at the party though, eh?

Crunch Time

I have two days left to decide if I want to return my new camera. I don't know what to do.

I really wanted a skinny little digital I could throw into my pocket or my purse so that I'd have a camera with me all the time. So I got this guy. But every time I take a photo with it, so far, I realize it's far from the quality I've come to expect from my other camera. I'm disappointed.

I need to decide in the next day or two if I really want to give up a few hundred dollars for a camera I don't like (yet) just so that I can have a camera with me at all times. I have to decide if I'll learn to like this camera once I figure it out. I have to decide if there's a better, small camera out there that's not wildly more expensive. I have to shake my head at myself for being affluent enough to consider this a "problem" when it's really quite ridiculous. If I don't return it by Sunday, I can't return it.

Awesome how I left the decision to the last possible moment eh?

Yeah.

Saturday: I'm going to take it back. I went out for a walk today, it's clear and sunny. (And cold, I think my nose fell off. ) I took a few photos. I don't love them. With my car all breaking down-like, I'm not going to spend four hundred dollars on a camera I don't love. I'll just have to get used to bringing my big ol' camera more places with me. Maybe I'll have to buy a new purse so it'll fit. Purse? Bag? Whaddya call em? Satchel?

Lacking in Self-Discipline

I'm working from home today people.

In theory.

See, they're doing a "lighting upgrade" at work today and we were told we could work from home if we wanted to so as to keep out of the way of the (pretty darn grumpy) lighting dudes.

So, heck yes I'll work from home! In my pyjamas! Just think of how much work I'll get done sitting on my couch all comfy and quiet with no one to interrupt me.

Except I forgot that my home has the internets. And that I love checking sites and reading random stuff on the internets and world wide webs. Sigh. It's nearly 11 and I can't say I've done much actual working. OK. None. Ooops!

I considered driving myself in to work just for the quiet space and proper motivation but then I remembered I took my car into the shop last night because it's acting funny and I wanted the auto-men to look at it while I was safe at home. So now I'm stranded here. Gak!

So I'm going to try to get down to work now. I'm considering disabling my internet for a while and hiding the cleaning supplies so that I don't suddenly decide my apartment needs cleaning! I'm a dork.


But work will be done today folks.



Just as soon as I finish giving my nails a little manicure...

Say it Again!

My hairdresser uses AG's bigwigg on my hair when she styles it after a cut. I liked the name of the stuff so much that I went and bought me some. BigWigg. I got me some BigWigg. Heh. Well, I also figured that if my hairdresser uses it every time it must be important. Somehow.

It's supposed to add volume to my roots or volumize my hair's volume or give me roots ( and wings? ) or something like that. I don't really know what it's supposed to do but it's called Big Wigg so it doesn't really matter. What an awesome name!

So if you see me (or some other hot chick* you want to strike up conversation with) ask me what products I use in my hair just so I can say "bigwigg!"

Because I like saying it.

Go on, say it! I use Biggwigg! In my hair!

But, if I'm being completely honest, I don't actually use it in my hair. That would mean I styled my hair or had some idea of how and when to apply said "product". All I know is that my hairdresser sprays it on to my head after she's washed my hair and given me a scalp massage, so I'm usually all relaxed and sleepy. Then she makes me flip my head upside down while she blow dries my hair and I sit there wondering just how red my face is going while staring at her shoes. But after she's done, my hair looks great and continues looking great for days after. It must be the bigwigg, right? (not the cut or shampooing or professional styling...nope!)

I wonder if anyone actually uses the stuff to make their wig... big? BIGWIGG!

P.S. I have no idea why I felt the need to tell you all that I bought hair stuff. I'm weird sometimes. Or.. maybe... often? Y'all think I'm totally insane now right? If you didn't think so before, you're now sure? Sigh.



* This is probably the only place I'd actually refer to myself as a "hot chick". (Because I can and because it's fun.) I'm by no means what my brother would call "a girl who fell off the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down" (although, I think an ugly stick slapped me around a bit in highschool....ugh) but I don't usually refer to myself as "hot". (Although, I bet if I styled my hair with the bigwigg and all I'd be ravishing! Yep, yep!)

Lies

There's a song by a group called Stabilo by the name of "Flawed Design"

I really like the song, but when I took a minute to look at the lyrics (something I don't always do with every song) I realized the words made me really uncomfortable. If you don't know the song, I've transcribed some of the song's lyrics here.

When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run

Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
And I wanted it

'Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time.
Yeah, I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed.

I wish this song didn't resonate with me so much, but it does. I have come out of relationships and after some time and distance, realized that the guy I was with had been lying to me. When I read the words in this song I felt ill. It reminded me that there are people out there who are not honest with their lovers and partners. People cheat, people lie, people manipulate and it hurts when you're the recipient of that behaviour.

I believe that, in general, people are good. But I guess I wanted to post this so that girls who haven't already been through what I have know that you can't just trust a guy because you want to. I believe strongly in gut feelings and listening to your friends and loved ones. When you're in a relationship and you keep telling yourself nothing's wrong . . . maybe something is. Not all guys are honest. Find the ones who are.

Let's all watch out for each other, eh? Guys too.

Nothing is Ever Easy *

I had to work with this guy the other week that I found extremely attractive. My co-worker rolled her eyes and laughed when I pointed out that I had been grouped with the most attractive guy there.

This fellow and I were both very professional about things but as the day progressed so did an obvious mutual attraction.

He had a ring on his left hand, and he talked about his two young kids but I found myself stupidly wondering if maybe he was divorced or not *really* married or the kids weren't his or something. Anything. Any reason that would make it possible for the two of us to form some sort of relationship.

The more time I spent with him, the more he smiled at me, the more we shared private laughs at little things, the more I found my logical brain working against me. I knew that I didn't want to be in a relationship with this man and his two kids (and wife) but I still really wanted to be in a relationship with him.

Maybe in some other lifetime things would have been different, but I left at the end of the day honestly disappointed that I couldn't know more about him and be with him in a decent relationship. It was a very strange experience all-round and I'm not doing justice to the feelings and emotions I was having. At the end of the day, we shook hands and I needed to look away. I walked away from him even though I didn't want to, and I found myself wondering what he was thinking as he watched me when our group thanked his for their time.

When I talked about flirting a couple of days ago, this kind of thing wasn't on my mind. This wasn't creepy or sleazy. It was just there. There wasn't really flirting, but there was indication of mutual attraction. Strong. Confusing. Not helpful.

It sure as hell left me wondering what it's all about.




*A quote from a character in one of my favourite books.


P.S. I posted this and then I recinded the posting almost right away. (That's totally not the right use of "recind" but I really felt like using it so.. yeah) The reason is that after I wrote this post I realized I'd forgotten to add something. I think one of the reasons I found this whole experience so .... confusing is that this guy really reminded me of my ex. Something about him, some trait, some way of moving or maybe the way he looked at me just felt so ... like my ex. I think that may have been one of the reasons I got so muddled up. And why I felt so strongly towards this guy. I think a lot of me was reacting to that feeling of familiarity. And, quite possibly, I was attracted to the feeling more than the person.

So.. there you go. A post-post babble.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive... If I Can Figure it Out, That Is

One of my (now quite possibly four or five) readers emailed and asked me if I had an RSS feed.

I responded with an intelligent... "Huh"?

So after consulting with my cleverly computer smart buddy (Hi buddy!) I can now say I have an RSS feed.

I think.

I don't really know what it's for or nothin' but if you want it... here it is.... somewhere.

Probably.

; )

To the Guy Doing the Splits in the Stretching Room at the Gym

Um . . . .

Argh!

It's 1 am.

I need the policeman who's driving around scaring bad guys by using his siren in lots of loud little bursts to stop it!

I was trying to fall asleep and thought to myself, that siren is keeping me awake and it must be nearly 2 am. My tired brain then reasoned that 2 am was near 3 am which then somehow reminded me of this song that I used to love back in the day and hadn't thought of in years.... "3 am Eternal" by KLF.

Anyone else remember it? Anyone want to see the video? Of course you do.

So now I'm wide awake and listening to a rap/gospel/jazz/pop song that is catchy enough that it might just be stuck in my head for the rest of the night.

Uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh.......

Damnit Mister Policeman. Can't you catch bad guys quietly next time?

That's Just So Good

I was driving to pick up some chocolate (don't judge me, it was that kind of day) when my iShuffle switched over and started playing Pink Floyd's "Shine on You Crazy Diamond (Pts. I-V)"

How did I ever miss putting this song on my list of Songs That Are So Sexy I Could Die ?


Don't believe me? Give it a listen next time you're in a mellow mood. Maybe you'll have to sit in your car until the song's finished just like me.


If it doesn't do anything for you, let me know. I have a good couple of list of songs I find terribly sexy.*




*not that I'm actually one to put music on in the bedroom, that's not what I'm talking about. Just songs that somehow evoke sex. You know what I mean....

Amendment?

A while ago I talked about the need to make certain things more obvious. There was my idea of a circlet of singledom and the possibility of glowing auras to indicate levels of attraction or approachability.

Now I believe we need something more.

I believe there should be a way for women to identify, for other women, men who are sleazy.

I don't remember if I've mentioned it before, but there's a guy I have to deal with sometimes who makes me want to throw up. The first time we met, he flirted WILDLY with me for an hour or so (no exaggeration, wild, obvious, trying-to-get-me-into bed flirting) before finally mentioning his girlfriend. Whom he was soon going to marry. I thought it was disgusting.

I was so creeped out by this guy flirting while in a serious relationship without even being upfront about his relationship. I felt sorry for his girlfriend being with a guy who showed no respect for her or their relationship.

I had forgotten about this guy until last week when we crossed paths again. I avoided sitting near him but I got a good view of him sleazing away with another girl all afternoon.

Now, I understand the difference between a charismatic "people person" and a greasy flirt. This guy was the latter. It's one thing to think and act like you're a lady's man when you're single, but I really think that kind of behaviour should stop once you're committed.

I worry for the women who are with these men. Their wives and girlfriends.

Maybe the poor fiance of this guy has no idea what a sleaze-ball flirt he is when he's out. She needs to know. She has a right to go into her marriage knowing that her hubby's going to be a massive flirt with all the pretty ladies and that he doesn't mind leaving her existence out of his conversations. So, I'm suggesting some sort of way for us to mark these men as a warning to their ladies. Kind of like the Glowing Auras of Attraction, or Circlets of Singledom. (Heh heh... GAA and CoS!)

The trick is that we'd have to make sure people weren't abusing the "identification system" in any way. Maybe it would take three strikes before the guy was fully tagged. Like, if I saw this guy and wiggled my nose at him (that'd be the secret tagging system, you see) and then he was out the next weekend and another girl discovered his untrustworthiness, she'd nose wiggle him and then the next month a third lady would wiggle her nose at him after he pulled the same trick and unbeknownst to him, he'd head on home with a large yellow snake imprinted on his forehead.

Once he arrived home, his future wife would know that he was a yucky flirty bum bum head and could plan accordingly.


On how exactly to kick him to the curb.

I Totally Just Forgot What I Was Going to Say...

Note to self:
When you have something you'd like to say, an anecdote you want to share, a story you'd like to tell, or a comment you'd like to make... open up the compuer and get it down it right away. Don't "just call someone first" or tell yourself that you'll "totally remember it later" because, obviously you won't.

Note to my three readers:
It was something really smart and clever and interesting. It was going to totally blow your mind and enlighten you. I'm sure.

To the Guy Who Walked Me Home From The Party

Hey,

Thanks for doing that, that was cool. But, most of all? Thanks for not making it awkward when we got to my place.

I appreciate you giving me a handshake when I thanked you instead of going in for a hug or glancing at the door with a questioning look.

It *was* nice to meet you, but I think we both knew it wasn't going anywhere and that makes it all that much cooler that you walked me home.

I hope your next lady friend appreciates the gentleman you are.

You rock, walking home dude.

It's a Train Wreck up in My Brain Sometimes

I met a guy this week. Well no, I didn't "meet a guy" meet a guy, I just met a guy. I'd vaguely met* him a couple of times before. A "he knows someone I know" kind of thing, but I hadn't had an opportunity to talk to him until just recently. He was funny and nice and fun (which is different than funny, by the way). And yeah. End of story right?

Well, here's where my brain decides that end of story isn't good enough.

CSI: In My Brain: Episode 3422

Exhibit A: Seemingly decent male humanoid.
Exhibit B: Yours truly.
Exhibits C through W: Yours truly wondering if SDMH might be interested and if he is would I be interested back and if he's not interested am I upset or do I just not care at all and if I don't care why don't I when there's nothing wrong with him except maybe his hands seemed a little chubby but that doesn't matter because he was nice and why am I all of a sudden wondering all this anyway?

Program cancelled due to everyone realizing it's just a repeat of the last three thousand episodes.

At least now I'm able to recognize the brain melt as it happens, but I still find it curious. Why all the fuss? Why do I care if he's single or not? Why am I curious to see if he might get my number? Why am I even thinking about it at all?

I guess when you're single, even if you're not actively looking, you're still "single" and that entails a certain mindset.

Like, I may not need to buy more toilet paper right this moment because I'm not out of it, but if I find my favourite brand on sale I'll go ahead and get some anyway. Is it like that? I don't know.

Maybe the guys out there should just be aware that even if a girl isn't actively flirting with you (whatever that's supposed to look like!) her brain may still be checking you out. Like a roll of toilet paper on Manager's Special.

Or something a little more romantic.



*Shakes head at self*


*By the way, if you're wondering how you can "vaguely meet" someone? It's when someone says "This is my buddy Jack" and you nod and shake their hand and go back to talking to your neighbour about the game or whatever it was. And then maybe the next time you see them and are re-introduced you say "Yeah, I think I've met you before." And then the third time you say "Jack, yeah, we've met." But really you're just being polite.

Giving Thanks

This weekend, be happy, and give thanks.



Even if you're not Canadian!




Happy (Canadian) Thanksgiving to all!

Biz Arre

I had to run a few errands this morning. Nothing out of the ordinary. Until I got up to the checkout.

My first stop? Ran me exactly fifty-four dollars and fifty-four cents. That's $54.54. Kind of a cool co-incidence huh?

I thought so too, until my second stop.

My next bill came to sixty-seven dollars and sixty-seven cents. $67.67.

I didn't know what it meant, I just knew I was starting to feel a little weirded out. I mean, come on. What are the odds? (Seriously, Math folks, what ARE the odds?)

My final purchase came to $27.77. That was as close to normal as I could get. Fifty cents less and I would have been calling whoever it is you call to report cool stuff.

Is Ripley's still out there? (Why, yes... yes it is!)

If the Sun Refused to Shine, I Would Still be Loving You

I was on my way to work the other day and I drove by this older couple, probably in their 70s, walking along, holding hands.

That's what I hope for.

To be so in love with my husband of 40 years that we still hold hands.

To look at him lovingly after all those years as he kisses my hand or strokes my hair.

To have him hold doors open for me and make me laugh even after all that time.

To be walking down the street on a sunny morning, holding hands. Even after all those years.

Especially after all those years.

To The Cute Guy With the Friend at the Party

Dude,
I'm really sorry about all that. It wasn't actually your friend I was interested in, it was you. Just somehow (or, really, because I'm an idiot) I was totally comfortable talking to him because I wasn't interested. I actually only moved to sit next to him because you were sitting talking to him and it seemed like a good move on my part. (Gotta give myself some credit for at least moving into the same air space as you.) So I'm sorry if you thought I was there for your buddy. Cuz really I wasn't. It was just my dorkiness kicking in. Next time I'll do better.

Maybe.

A Universal Problem

An excerpt from a drunken conversation between several of my best girlfriends:

"Do you know what's really awkward though? It's when you're going down on someone and you realize you're running out of air. Because, maybe it's the middle of winter or something and you've got all the blankets on because you'd both be cold without them. Plus, it's not like he's doing much so he'd be cold right? So you head under the blankets and before you know it there's no oxygen. No air. You can't breathe and it's super hot. What are you supposed to do?" (My friend pauses and shrugs.) "I usually end up throwing the blankets off and taking a gasp of the glorious, fresh air. I mean, sure he's enjoying it, but it's totally going to ruin the mood if I die down there right?"

It occurred to me after that this must be a problem for men too. I just wonder if a group of guys has ever sat around and had a similar conversation. I figure they must have. Especially in Alaska.

Possessed by One of the Seven Dwarves

I was in an extremely bad mood after work today. Seriously. I was fed up and unhappy and finding the world a grumpy place to be. I was so grumpy ( How grumpy were you?" chimes in the peanut gallery) ...ahem.. I was so grumpy that if Mister Perfect had shown up on my doorstep with a bunch of roses I would have told him to piss right off.

Well.. ok... maybe not. But I would definitely have told him to come back later because this was really NOT a good time. I would probably have snapped at him.

I was not in a nice mood, people. All I wanted to do was go home and drink a vat of wine and eat chocolate. Or drink a vat of chocolate. Or something. Something involving alcohol and chocolate and a lot of grumping. But I didn't.

I went to the gym. I knew I'd feel better afterwards, and I figured I'd feel worse (or, at best, the same) if I didn't go. So I went. And I exercised. And now I'm home.

I'm home and I'm happy and I'm relaxed and I can't remember why I was so grumpy in the first place. And quite honestly? I don't care either.

I'm not posting this to proselytize about exercising... you'll all make your own decisions around that, I'm posting this so that the next time I'm in a rotten stinker of a mood I'll head to the gym and sweat it all out again. Endorphins are the bestest thing ever!

Now I'm gonna go have me some chocolate anyway because it's tasty and I visited the British candy shop in town and there's a Curly Wurly with my name on it. So please excuse me folks. I've got some serious business to take care of here. : )

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

Almost all of my previous boyfriends have been friends of friends so I feel automatically comfortable with them. It's like having my own little background check: if my friends know him, like him and approve of him he must be ok and a nice guy. I trust my friends implicitly to introduce me to great guys. Maybe because of this security, and because of who I am, I become emotionally open right away in a relationship.

I was thinking back on some former relationships and wondering at how quickly I'd thrown myself into them. I'm not sure if it's the healthiest of things how quickly I've felt strong feelings for another person.

One particular boyfriend lived in another city and I'd met him when he came into town to visit some of his friends. One of his friends was dating one of my best friends and they'd introduced us. I was wary of starting a relationship with someone who lived in another city, but we got along really well and I decided to be open to the possibility. Or at least open to seeing him again sometime.

A few weeks after I first met him, some friends and I went on a road trip that just happened to have this guy's hometown as a destination. We crashed at his place one night and the two of us stayed up talking and, somewhere around daybreak, smooching. We had to leave the next morning so the two of us took a walk down to the beach before we left.

I remember sitting on his lap on a log (It was cold, he thought I'd be warmer there) watching a family playing with their dog. I felt close to him and connected to him. We talked some more and while I was unsure about a long distance relationship, if you'd asked, I'd have told you I was falling for him.

He turned out to be a genuine, gentle person, my feelings weren't misplaced. I'm not concerned with that. What concerns me now is that I was sitting in the lap of and feeling close to a person that I really didn't know very well and had spent, at most, a day and a half with. Why the rush?

I know I'm a people person. I like people and I love easily and without reservation. I don't hold much back. But why have I tended to rush into giving all of myself so soon? Is it wrong? Does it matter? Is it the right thing to do because it feels right at the time? Is it dangerous? Am I doing something wrong? I don't know.

I just know that when I look back at some things it feels like I rushed. It feels like I went from zero to sixty in situations that didn't call for it. And it's not that I want to hold myself back from loving as much in my next relationship or anything... I just want to learn how to take it slower, especially when I'm just getting to know the guy. I know myself and I know I'll get to be madly and deeply in love with my next guy, I just want it to be more than 48 hours after we've met.

Satisfying

I had a friend visiting me this weekend and she brought over her D70 (a digital SLR camera) and had me take a few photos of her with it.

As I started shooting, something struck me. I hadn't realized how much I missed the "click" that goes along with a single lens reflex camera.

That shutter click.... it's so satisfying. It feels good to me to hear the inner works clicking as I take the photo. Click isn't even the right word. If you use an SLR, you'll know the sound I mean. All I could think as I was using the D70 was ... this is satisfying.

I really like my current digital camera and I really like my film SLR, but I think I'll have to start saving up for an eventual day when I purchase a digital SLR. Digital works better for me in a financial processing/development way. I'm no professional, but I grew up taking photos with a camera that went "click" and I didn't realize I'd been missing it. I'd love to have a digital SLR at some point. Not tomorrow... just, sometime in the future-ish.

In fact, future Mister Perfect? It'd make a damn fine wedding present! ;)