Friday, 30 April 2010

Here's Johnny

Well, I'm not really sure what I think about this but. . . they're baaaaaaaaaack!

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Sidebar


Aaaaaand once again I've left myself a note that I don't understand.

Apparently I'm to write a post about "Sidebar"

I have no idea what that means.

At all.

Even though I left myself the note and knew what it meant at the time.

Hopefully one day I'll remember what I meant, but for now I have no idea what memory or story or thought "Sidebar" was supposed to trigger.

So, instead, I'm going to distract you with a pretty picture. Look! Pretty! (Hopes you're like magpies attracted to shiny objects and forget about the rest of the babble)

*grumblemumblesidebarmumbledoesn'tmakesensegrumblemumble*

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Um, Ok

So I'm kind of totally addicted to this annoying computer game right now.

I found it randomly online when I was looking for a way to play a card game my Mom's teaching me so I could practice and maybe keep up with her and her winning.

I'd link you to the site but I don't want to ruin your life too and figure some of you would rather actually, you know, live it rather than sitting down on the couch one minute and clicking on the game and then realizing hours have passed.

Hours people!

Also, when I close my eyes, I now see blinking buckets of goat's milk.

I really need to stop.

Make it stop.

I'm losing my mind.

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

All Kinds Of Awesome


I did something new on Sunday.

No, I didn't ask a guy out. No, I didn't bungee jump. No, I didn't eat pickled onions. Now stop guessing and let me tell you already!

I participated in the Times Colonist 10K!

For those of you who aren't local, every year there's a 10K run/walk and thousands of people sign up to do it. It's pretty popular and people spend months training for it and getting ready for it and for a lot of folks it's the highlight of their fitness year.

I've always jokingly said that I purposely sleep through the 10K, but this year I didn't.

A few people at spy work said they were going to run it and that we should make a team. We were all invited to sign up and join with the team and when I heard that I just knew I was going to walk it. Maybe it's all the walking I've been doing, or maybe it's the pedometer I don't think I've told you about yet (mental note: write post) or maybe it's being a long time Sundry reader and watching Linda kick fitness goal after fitness goal in the behind lately, or maybe it's just a combination of all these things, but I asked around if there was anyone else who'd walk it with me and then I signed up.

So, Sunday morning found me waking up earlier than I get up even on work days (which, hello!??), eating a good, light breakfast and heading out the door with runners laced and race bib safety pinned on.

We'd decided to meet at my place since it's not far from there to the start of the race, but I was not ready for what I saw when I stepped out my front door.

The streets were lined with parked cars and there were TONS of people walking on their way to the race. As I waited for my friends there must have been two hundred people walked past me. I started to feel a combination of intimidated and excited and nervous.

I'd read the night before that 13,000 people had signed up to run/walk the race but I didn't know what that would look like.

Well, let me tell you; it looks awesome.

We watched the start of the race and gaped as the elite runners took off at a pace that's equivalent to me going my fastest sprint and then headed to our "walkers" start place. Standing there waiting was cool too because we got to watch all the runners start off. Thousands and thousands of people streaming along in a river down the street. It was so cool.

And when you realize that all those people are there to be fit and healthy it becomes even cooler.

It was exciting to count down to our start and then to take off. It was fun making our way through the hundreds of walkers and chit chatting the whole time.

It was amazing and touching to be cheered on by people on the sides of the road and to cheer others on in turn.

I almost cried when we passed the retirement home and saw ten or so older folks out there with pom-poms cheering us on and I couldn't help laughing when my friend pointed out that by the time we got to our first K, the elite runners were already finished the race. Awesome.

I was worried that my body wouldn't handle the walk well and had visions of me being in pain and not being able to walk, but I came home, stretched and took an epsom salt bath and I felt perfect.

Well, elated and perfect!

I'm really proud of myself even though I didn't run the thing. As my Dad pointed out, lots of people never even do that so it's something to be proud of.

I think I'm proudest that I decided to do something new and scary and I did it and I enjoyed it. I didn't back out at the last minute, I did it.

The walk itself isn't a huge deal, I'm walking between 5 and 6K every day now (see upcoming pedometer post if/when I get around to writing it) so this was really just a longer walk with friends. But it was more than that and I'm happy.

I already have plans to do it again next year and either walk faster or try to jog a bit in there somewhere to see how much faster I can do it.

Well, to be honest, we did jog a bit near the end. It was hard not to once you see the finish line. Who doesn't want to cross at a run? *Big grin because apparently I am competitive after all*

The race was super-well organized and smoothly run and I can't believe I've slept through this every year until now.

If you are local and not a walker or runner, I'd totally suggest going out to watch the 10K and cheer people on and be a part of it. It was an amazing experience and I'm really really glad I did it.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Me So Funny

I got my hair done this weekend and as well as a cut, my hairdresser (I'm probably supposed to call her a stylist or something, but just can't bring myself to) and I decided to die it a slightly darker colour, not much off of my natural tone but a bit darker.

"You'll like it," she said " it's rich and warm."

"Just like my husband!" I blurted out.

After some conversation, we decided that that wasn't such a bad thing for a husband to be; rich and warm.

I was terribly amused, but when I was leaving she gave me a big hug and then tilted her head to the side. "This is a man-meeting colour, Victoria, I can just feel it."

So who knows, maybe my rich and warm hair will find me a rich and warm man.

I could do worse.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Ahhhhhhh


Right about now is when I stop cursing the time change and start reveling in the amazing, wonderful, lovely, beautiful long days.

Right about now is when I get home from work and run all my errands and do all the things that need to be done and then when I finally sit down on my couch to relax at 7:30 or so it feels so good that it's still light out.

I love that it's still light out so much later into the evenings.

Love it.

And I love waking up to light too.

I could handle having this length of daylight all year long.

Anyone able to work on that for me?

Thanks.

Friday, 23 April 2010

Guilt


I had a small ant invasion.

Or rather, I had an invasion of small ants.

I debated what to do for a long time, but between worrying about cleanliness and getting a little creeped out, I finally got some ant killer stuff, sprayed it where they were coming out of the walls and haven't seen any since.

The problem is that I feel so bad.

I feel like apologizing to them and telling them I'm so sorry I didn't want them in my house.

I feel like a big old nasty murderer.

Sorry little ants.

But maybe they just didn't like the spray and so they moved out? Yes, that must be it!

Sigh.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Question

For those of you who enjoy getting up in the morning (something I very much do not) have you always been like that or did you grow into it or what?

Tricks of the trade perhaps?

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Video Week

Since apparently it's video week and since it is hockey playoffs, here's a super sweet hockey video that also gets me every time;all teary eyed in a good way.




Tim Horton's - In His Own Words

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Please Google Him If You Can't Picture It

When C-Dawg and I were out the other night, we walked into the ladies room of an establishment and overheard a (very drunk) woman on her cell phone having a loud and slurred conversation with a friend while staring into the mirror confusedly.

"You have to Google Robert Plant for me. Apparently my hair looks like Robert Plant's. You have to Google him. What does it mean. Is it bad? Who's Robert Plant?"

C-Dawg and I were unable to make eye contact with each other until we were out of the washroom in order to not burst out laughing in front of the fifty-something year old woman with the oh so very Robert Plant like hair.

Awesome.

Monday, 19 April 2010

Probably Not OK For Work

I found this clip the other night after a random tweet about a show I'd never heard of before.

I'm not sure why I find it so damn funny, but laughed 'til I cried.

Best laugh I've had in ages.

( Updated to add: They have blocked the content since I found it but if you're lucky enough to be able to watch it, enjoy! )


Ax Men: Bees

Gets me every time.

Saturday, 17 April 2010

I Actually Said This Out Loud, Thereby Proving Myself Instantly Wrong*

I'm smarter than I think I was!

*Funny thing is, I totally meant it too. Until I realized what I'd said.

Friday, 16 April 2010

Dreamer


I had this wickedly intense dream last night.

My friend and I (a nebulous sort of friend. . . I knew who it was at the time, but am not so sure anymore) were at a water park.

You know, like a theme park of all water rides and stuff? (I'm imagining these exist, never having seen one myself)

And we wanted to go on the big ride, and there was no lineup but they wouldn't let us in. Something about a malfunction or us not having tokens or something, again, I don't remember.

But it was another one of those "this is so real it's actually happening" dreams.

And I think we were either teenagers or middle-aged moms who'd left the kids in the babysitting zone and our husbands drinking beer and watching the game in the whatever zone.

And then I woke up.

So what's my brain trying to tell me?

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Well, Duh

This may be a ridiculously obvious thing to say, but I want to meet someone who'll fall for me straight away.

Not head over heels crazy love at first sight necessarily, but someone who wants to see me again and more and talk to me and leaves no doubt that they're interested.

Someone who goes home after spending time with me wanting to call everyone and tell them about the amazing girl they just met.

I know, isn't that what we all want?

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Gone Done Broke


My computer charger cord fried itself (I think it overheated. Not the first time I've lost a charger.) the other night.

Of course I didn't realize it'd broken before I'd run my laptop out of power and so at 8:30 I found myself without a working computer.

Couldn't edit or upload photos. Couldn't read or write blogs. Couldn't watch any tv or movies or even go on the interwebs.

Fortunately, I was pretty tired out, so I went to bed. And ended up asleep just after nine. Turns out my body needed the sleep.

Guess I should thank my charger for breaking, eh?

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Better, Much

I feel a ton better today.

Yesterday was rough, the night before was rougher, but today I feel fine.

Better.

OK.

It's a relief, actually, to feel better, because while I knew I would, it's still nice to.

Thanks for listening y'all, and for your kind words and support.

*Group hugs you*

Monday, 12 April 2010

Oh

Well, that explains it, doesn't it.

"That" being the message I just got from last weekend's date politely letting me know that although he really enjoyed meeting me and thinks I'm great, he's been seeing someone from the site for a while and it's developed into something great.

And the polite part of me thinks that's great for them and that it was nice of him to let me know and be so complimentary about meeting me. But there's also a tiny little voice too that's pissed. So you're telling me when you asked me to hang out with you you knew you were "developing this great something" with someone you'd been "seeing for a while"? Well that's just not cool. (Says the polite part of me while the rest of me uses much stronger language)

But more than that, overwhelmingly so is the hurt.

The hurt that was being masked by last week's anger. The hurt that's been lying in wait to engulf me since he ended the date without a hint of wanting to see me again. The hurt that's been sitting there whispering to me that my instincts were right and here's yet another one who's not interested.

Because that's what hurts. That I wasn't chosen. That someone else was chosen over me. And, yes, it's nice when guys say something nice to soften the blow; when they say how great I am or how it's not about me it's about the timing or whatever else it is, but it still hurts. I don't know if it hurts any less when you're not chosen but are told nicely.

You're still not chosen.

Someone else was better. More. Prettier maybe. More interesting definitely. Wanted.

Which I'm not.

And that's hurting. So much right now.

And, yes, I know it won't hurt forever.

I know it probably won't hurt for long even. I *know* this. I'll be ok. I know. I'm just hurt.

So hurt.

This is the first time I've put myself out there in a long time.

The first time I've been interested in someone for even longer.

The first time I've sat talking to someone and thought "hmmm, I could do this, be with this person, get to know them, all of it, I could do this."

So to have found myself there and then not been wanted is hard. Feels like Smith all over. Feels like all of them all over.

Because it's never just the one event, it's all the others piling up behind them reminding you and letting the nasty voices tell you "We TOLD you so, why'd you ever think it'd be any different? Why'd you ever think anyone good would ever actually want you?"

It's probably not a good idea to write posts when I'm this upset.

It's probably better to let things settle for a while and then be able to neutrally talk about it, to observe from afar.

Too bad I don't care.

F*%k.



Greg Holden - Choking on the Concrete

Saturday, 10 April 2010

Hulk Smash

( So I've written this post in my head a couple of times. Each time I wrote it, there were a lot of swear words. Or, actually, just one swear word. But used a lot. )

Cuz after the good time we'd had and the suddenly obvious "I don't want to hang out with you again" I got mad.

I can't say I have any real reason to get mad, but I did. Maybe it's my way of not being hurt or upset, but I got mad. I was mad for so many reasons, some I don't remember, some I don't want to get into, but it sucked to be mad and I was.

I got even madder after I didn't hear from him for a couple of days because I couldn't figure out why he'd bothered hanging out to talk with me for so long if he wasn't interested and why he didn't just cut it short and sweet. Moreso because I was polite (as I think everyone should be) and sent him a "Hey, nice to meet you, thanks for hanging out" message and didn't get a response (and here's where I start to sound like a ranting person) even though I know he was on the site and could have taken a minute or two to write me a polite note back.

I did hear from him a few days later, the standard, hey it was nice to meet you and I'm going to be really busy over the next couple of weeks so I'll talk to you once things settle down.

Which, as we all know, is a semi-polite way of saying "Hey, I'm not interested but I'm not going to be straightforward enough to say that so I'll make an excuse that's plausible and let things slide."

Now before you think I'm exaggerating and before you leap to his defense, if he was interested he would have said so.

He would have said so at the end of the date and/or he would have said so when he messaged me back.

He could have asked for my phone number or email or said "Hey, I'd really like to do this again sometime." Anything.

He could have taken two minutes out of his busy day or ten minutes out of his busy couple of weeks to send me an email or to check in and say hello.

There are a ton of things he could have done to show he was interested in me and/or interested in hanging out again.

Therefore, the only thing to take from this is that he's not.

And that sucks, because I was.

I liked him and would really have liked to hang out again and get to know each other and see where things went.

And don't tell me I should have told him that, I've said before, I don't play that game and I'm not chasing after someone who's showing no interest in me again. Been there, done that.

It probably wasn't smart timing of me to go out on a date when I've been feeling rather low about myself since it didn't work out too well and now I'm having to remind myself that it's not about me.

It just sucks and I'm bummed and sometimes mad and it really feels easier after things like this to not ever put yourself out there.

Which also sucks.

I kind of feel like the whole thing was a "one step forward, two steps back" kind of experience in terms of cheering myself up and feeling better about that.

Oh well, nothing more to do but keep on keeping on.

And, I think, when I sit and think about it, I'm angry because I was rejected and it's somehow easier to be angry than sad.

Friday, 9 April 2010

So Then


So anyway.

Putting aside whether or not I actually enjoy the process of looking at profiles on line (I do not), I sent a message to a nice looking guy to say hi.

He sent me a message back and after a couple of brief exchanges, asked if I'd like to meet for coffee this weekend.

I said sure (before I could mentally talk myself out of it and therefore never actually go through with it) and that's how I came to find myself nervous as heck getting ready for a "date" Saturday morning. (And you guys? I was so nervous. What if we had nothing to talk about? What if we didn't have enough in common? What if we had too much in common? What if he wasn't cute and it was awkward? What if he was perfect and I've just met my husband? Oh lord, what if I have to pee?)

I needn't have been nervous (even though I was) because he was a nice guy and we had a TON of things to talk about and lots in common and shared good laughs and interesting conversation and the whole thing was really good. I had fun and I was sure he was too.

Until the end.

When it came time for us to part ways (he had a previous family commitment and we'd planned our meeting time around it) there was no attempt at a hug or even a handshake, which is fine, since some people aren't comfortable with being physical with strangers, but there was also no suggestion that we do it again.

There was only "Ok, well, goodbye, have a good rest of your weekend."

So that pretty much put a damper on it for me.

Well, ok, to be honest, that totally sucked.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Sigh

This story's going to take a few days to tell, so you'll all have to hang in there with me, but let me start here:

Last week, while I was feeling down and out about myself and bummed about being single, I looked around a bit on the on line dating site S signed me up for.

I hadn't been on in a while, and was pleasantly surprised to see a couple of cute looking guys.

I figured I had nothing to lose and sent a message to one, and what happened with that is going to have to wait for tomorrow because the whole on line dating thing makes me feel so uncomfortable and I don't know if it's just me or what.

I feel so guilty during the whole process because I'm judging people.

Judging them on how they look or what they've said or some combination of the two that either give me a mental thumbs up or thumbs down.

And maybe that's part of the process. That you *do* judge people that way initially just as you would if you'd have met them at a party or walking along the street.

But I still feel guilty for doing it.

Am I just a wimp or am I being too hard on myself (again)?

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Like A Ton Of Bricks


Something hit me pretty hard the other day.

I guess my brain had been thinking on what I posted a few days ago and maybe also on some of the other posts I've written recently, because all of a sudden I had this thought:

I only ever compare up.

Never down.

I suddenly realized that I never compare myself to someone or something else in a positive way. Like, I'd never say "Hey, I'm WAY prettier than that chick." I'd only ever notice the girls who were prettier (skinnier/fitter/taller/etc.) than me.

I don't notice the really awful pictures people post online (or even the mediocre ones) and say "Man, I take MUCH better pictures than that person." I only ever pay attention to the ones that seem so much more amazing than the ones I take.

I don't compare myself to the person who's become a down and out, living on the street dealing with drug addiction or mental illness or poor life choices and say "Wow, my life is SO much more together than theirs, in fact, I'm doing spectacularly well compared to them." I only compare myself to the people I feel are doing better than me. The married/home owning/puppy dog hugging ones.

I don't compare down.

I don't tell myself or remind myself or point out to myself about any thing or any way I'm better than someone else. And even typing the phrase "I'm better than someone else" makes me want to crawl into a hole and die because oh lord the arrogance to even think that!

So, I'm not sure what to do with this, but this realization has hit me like a ton of bricks.

I only ever compare myself in a way that puts me in a negative light. I only ever compare up.

I'm kind of shocked to have realized this.

Now what?

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

In My Mind, They're Different

I was having a conversation with someone yesterday and they jokingly accused me of being "totally competitive."

"I'm not competitive." I said "I just like to win!"

I realized after that I probably wasn't helping my case with that argument.

Saturday, 3 April 2010

Happy Chocolate Weekend!



I hope you all have an awesome Easter long weekend (and/or Passover!) and that you eat lots of chocolate and enjoy sleeping in and relaxing and spending time with your family and friends.



Happy Easter y'all, see you Tuesday!

Friday, 2 April 2010

Love/Hate

I have a love/dis-love (because it's not really "hate") relationship with flickr.

I love it for a ton of reasons: I get to share my pictures, I love having people comment on my pictures, I get an absolute thrill when someone makes one of my pictures a favourite of theirs, I get to see lots of beautiful pictures, I feel like I'm part of something bigger, I like having a collection of my photos out there, and it lets me have photos to put on this blog.

I have a hard time with it sometimes because when I look at all the amazing photos from other flickr members, I get really discouraged about mine.

So it's a double edged knife. . . I get super feedback about my photos that make me smile and blush, but I also see photos that make me feel really discouraged when I compare them to mine.

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Afeared


A really cool thing that's coming out of my "exercise every day" routine is that I'm becoming less afraid.

Specifically, less afraid of walking by myself in the dark.

Especially back in January before the days were longer and before the time change (I still shake my fist at you time change!) by the time I was home from work it'd be dark.

And I, historically, haven't gone out in the dark by myself. I've always thought that there were boogymen in the dark. Boogymen and rapists and crazy drunk thieves waiting to take advantage of the dumb single girl who was naive enough to walk outside by herself after dark and then of course no one would know I'd been killed because no one would know I'd gone for a walk and who'd end up having to call my parents to inform them because I hadn't even taken I.D. so how would they know it's me panic panic panic!

Sigh. I've obviously seen too many movies.

So at first, I was nervous, but I told myself I'd walk fast, I'd have my cell phone, I'd keep my eyes and ears open, and I'd do the shortest route possible in order to get home right away.

After a few evening walks, I realized that I wasn't really running into that many people and those I did were out with their dogs our with someone else for a stroll. And I realized that the sidewalks were all well lit and were I to scream, someone was always near enough to hear me.

And I started to feel safer.

I've discovered a few things that help me feel better about walking in the evenings. I never bring my music because I feel better if I can hear. I always ALWAYS wear my glasses. That way I can see perfectly and can hear perfectly. You'd have to be a pretty sneaky thief for me to not see and hear you coming, which was quite a revelation to me. I guess I'd always felt that if I went outside in the dark I'd be lost and without the aid of my five senses and therefore completely helpless and vulnerable.

I've also re-discovered just how wonderful things smell at dusk.

I was out for a walk the other night and I could smell all the flowers and trees and blossoms and blooms. It reminded me very distinctly of being a kid, playing outside in the evenings and how wonderful that smell is.

Oh, and not only do I now walk in the dark, but I've also discovered that I don't melt if I go out in the rain.

I mean, I've always known this. You can't *not* know this growing up in the Pacific Northwest, but I no longer use "Oh, it's raining" as a reason to not go out for a walk. You'd be surprised how many people are out there doing it too.

It's nice to know that I can do things I used to be afraid of. It's really nice to know that I can grow and change and become better and stronger. I'm proud of myself even though it doesn't seem like a particularly big deal.

I kind of feel like it is.
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2017 and then some.) Kay? Kay.