Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Highly Overactive Guilt Complex

I got in trouble this weekend for something I didn't do.

No, I didn't get in trouble for not doing something, I got in trouble for something someone else did.

But I'm still feeling guilty for it.

The person who contacted me was standing up for their worker and letting me know that the way I'd responded to her on my email wasn't appropriate and that no one deserves to be spoken to that way.

I was confused.

I told her so.

She didn't exactly apologize for making the mistake but I sat there defending myself, the whole time wondering why I felt so guilty.

I emailed her later and she said she'd known as soon as she'd spoken to me that it wasn't me who'd sent the email and that we just had similar email addresses.

What I can't figure out is why I'm so upset that a stranger thought I'd done something mean. I also can't figure out why I felt so bad and so guilty even though I *knew* I hadn't done it.

I mean, you guys, I even checked my sent emails to see if someone had hacked my account and said something nasty via my email. Nope.

The whole thing was weird. And I still feel like I have to get to the bottom of it and clear my name one thousand percent.

Which is weird.

It's just that I'm not a mean person and I don't say mean things even if I think them and I'd never send a mean email to someone who was just doing their job.

So why do I feel like I did something wrong? And like people hate me for it?

And why did I babble and babble at this woman when the larger part of my brain was going "Dude, I have no idea what she's talking about."

I think I'm more than glad that last week is over.

Moving on.

Monday, 29 November 2010


That was quite the week.

We got our first hit of snow that stuck on Monday and for those of you who don't live in Canada, we're not all a snowy expanse of wintery wonderland, and my town, in particular, is not set up for handling snow well.

The town I grew up in, and learned to drive in, handled snow fairly well. We had a couple of sanders, a couple of scrapers (or whatever they're called) and the roads would sometimes get bad but we knew how to handle it. (Or, at least that's how I remember it.)

Here, we don't have the equipment to handle snowfall. Sure, we pre-sand the streets and send out some trucks with a salting type mix, but if the snow falls with purpose? We don't have the resources to handle it.

And because it's so rare for the people here, they're not good driving in it. They're nervous and that's fine, but there are also the dolts who decide there's no need for them to be cautious or careful and that makes it worse for everyone else.

I work with a spy who grew up in the prairies. (Where they get real winter and real snow and go through more of the stereotypically Canadian winters the rest of the world thinks we all get.) She told me that her friends back home still make fun of her for complaining when it snows here and that she had to tell them it's not the same.

It's something about the snow here, she said. Maybe because it's on the coast and so close to the water, but it gets into your tires and it packs and all of a sudden you're sliding. It's not like that on the prairies, she said. On the prairies you get a lot of snow, but it's dry and you get traction and grip and it's just the cold you're dealing with. Here? It's different.

Her reassurance that handling snow in Victoria is difficult didn't make me feel any better when we got a second dump on Thursday on top of our already snow-turned-to-ice streets and my car and I went sliding through an intersection instead of stopping.

I was going as slow as molasses. (Well, about 35) I'd given myself plenty of time and room to stop, but was on the smallest of slants and, well, thankfully, the cars in the other direction didn't start moving on their green and just watched me slide right through the red.

That's never happened before and I hope it never happens again.

So while the snow is lovely and awesome and I do love it, I'd like to request that it allows me to drive safely next time.

Either that, or it snows so much the entire city shuts down and I can stay home and cuddle under my blanket.

Four days of snow in November is quite unusual for us here on the Island, and they're telling us that La Nina will bring us a colder, snowier winter this year.

A few years ago I got myself some good winter gear; boots, gloves, jacket, the whole nine yards.

Now I'm just starting to wonder if I need to think of getting some good winter gear for my car. I'm still a little freaked from my slide.

I guess we'll see what Winter brings us.

Saturday, 27 November 2010


I saw another unusual transportation sight on the way home from work yesterday.

But this one, unlike the last two that made me go "Huh?" this one made me smile; is still making me smile.

I was headed for some groceries and saw a group of kids on the sidewalk heading towards me. Usually, this would only be something I'd notice in my periphery, but one of the boys looked unusual so I glanced over at them.

He looked unusual because he was wearing full hockey goalie gear, most likely for a street hockey game, and he was pushing himself along on his scooter.

It was the most adorable, patriotic sight I've seen in a while. A little goalie on his scooter heading to or from his game.

I hope he played well, but I sure appreciated the smile.

Friday, 26 November 2010


On the online dating site I'm trying again, there comes a time when you and the person you've been matched with can find out more about each other than just the basics from your profile.

One of the things you can do is ask each other a few questions and see what your match answers.

The questions are anything from deep and serious to light and fun, but they all allow you to learn something more about the person.

One question that I got asked has been running through my head ever since I read it and I'm putting it out here for you guys to answer, because it's quite a fun one.

If you could do something out of character and remain anonymous, what would you do?

It's the "out of character" part that got me. There are things I'd do if I could remain anonymous that aren't necessarily out of character, so I'm not sure if that counts.

The answer I ended up giving?

I'd pull a fire alarm.

What about you?

Thursday, 25 November 2010

OK, Maybe It's Me

I'm starting to think that the change in time added to the change in seasons has brought out something particularly odd in the people who live in this town.

As if Segway guy wasn't enough . . . yesterday? I came across a guy on a unicycle.

Doing tricks.

On logs.

On his unicycle.

Which had a special mountain bike type tire.

I think, perhaps, it's time to find a new route?

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Fighting Alone

I'm not always the easiest person to get together with, I know this.

There are times when I'll get three invitations to do something on the same day and on top of that I've got my own list of things I thought I needed to get done that day and somehow it all sends me into a panic and I say maybe to everyone instead of yes to just one and then I don't end up going anywhere because I feel too guilty to say no.

And then there are times when I get an invitation and I say, sure that sounds good, call me later about it but the person doesn't and I don't want to call them to ask because then I start wondering if that makes me sound desperate or needy to call and say "hey, were we going to hang out?"

But both these situations mean I don't end up going to do the whatever it was that was on the table and that sometimes leads me to feel all sorry for myself because my head talks me into nasty places about how they must have forgotten, or that they were too busy to, or things that, if I told my friends they'd probably think I was nuts.

Which I sometimes am.

But there's also the nervous times. The times when say someone I don't know very well wants to do something and I'm nervous about it. Or the times when someone wants me to meet them somewhere and I get anxious about the who what where's of it.

And sometimes, quite honestly, I just want an evening or a time to myself, but it's frustrating when those times are the same times as when there's stuff going on because couldn't the timing just be perfect more often?

This is a busy season we're heading into. A season of invites and people wanting to see you and not knowing how to stop yourself from getting spread too thin.

C-Dawg's coming home for the holidays, I've been counting down the days for longer than's probably normal, but I want to just put up a sign to everyone saying "Closed for the Season, Already Fully Booked." Because I want to see as much of her as possible.

But there's family too. And friends. And, who knows, there could be dates I suppose.

And there will be a need for quiet time, I'm sure.

I just am trying to learn, and to teach myself that I do, sometimes, need to push out of my comfort zone. That I do, sometimes, need to push out of my quiet time is needed zone.

It's just all about balance, it always is.

How do you keep yours?

Tuesday, 23 November 2010


Where I usually do my runs is along the waterfront, a beautiful part of town that lots of people use for running or taking their dog out or to grab a coffee and go for a stroll.

There's no bikes on the trail so it's a very quiet place for a run. Quiet, as in, you don't have to worry about being hit by something going faster than you or running you over.

Which is why I was surprised the other day to hear an electric motor type noise approaching. At first, I thought it might be the music I was listening to, but when I put that on pause, the noise only got louder.

The area I was on was down a steep slope, so it's not somewhere you'd see one of those mobility strollers, so my brain (in sort of slow motion) told me to turn around to see what the noise was.

And you guys?

It was a guy on a Segway.

I nearly fell over from shock as the be-helmeted, bundled up from the cold, Segway guy raced by me.

I couldn't stop shaking my head at the oddity of it all.

Like, I'm going out for a walk along Dallas road to get some fresh air and see the sights. Hmmm, I think I'll take me my electric wheelie thing so I can save myself the actual walking portion of my walk! Yeah, that's the ticket.

It was the strangest thing.

Maybe you had to be there.

Monday, 22 November 2010


The weather turned magically wintery this weekend and as I was heading to bed on Friday I got to stare out the window at snow.

Anyone who's been reading here for a while knows how much I love the snow, so it was a nice, early in the year treat.

The snow also delayed my travel plans since we didn't seem to know just how much snow we would get overnight. Turns out that most of our snow had melted by morning, but the mainland, where I was to travel to got a good dump of it so I'm glad I didn't have to negotiate in the snow over there.

Being here on Saturday also meant I got to vote in our local by-election, something I was bummed about having to miss.

Ever since I turned 18, I was excited and proud to vote and that feeling has not changed. Every time I step into a polling station I feel proud of myself for doing it, but I also feel lucky that I live in a country, in a time where I'm allowed to vote, where I get that right and privilege.

I'm lucky and I'm grateful.

And I voted.

Friday, 19 November 2010

Oh Man!

I have to go away again this weekend, so you'll have to play nice without me for a couple of days.


Anyone come up with a way to safely tele-transport yet?

Thursday, 18 November 2010

In The Darkness

Being away last week meant, among other things, that I really had to think about when I was taking my photos for the day and when I was getting in my exercise for the day.

I figured the easiest thing to do would be to go out for a quick walk in the morning and grab a few shots and then, if the day allowed, heading out for a longer walk in the evening.

It turned out that these morning walks were all the exercise I managed to get and that my shots for the day also came from that morning walk.

I also have found that I'm not a fan of running by myself in the cold and dark. A fair bit of that has to do with the fact that I'm out for an hour and that takes me far from my house. I have lights and it's not that I'm worried about not being seen, it's just out of my comfort zone. When I went for walks at the start of the year and it was dark it didn't bother me as much because I was just heading out and around the block. I suppose that means I could run around my house in big squares for an hour, but I think that might drive me mad.

Maybe I need to head indoors to a treadmill? My run clinic only goes for a couple more weeks (three?) and then I'm going to be all on my own. (At least until the next clinic I decide to join.) And I'm determined not to lose the fitness I've gained over these months. I also don't really want to stop running.

I think I'll ask my run leader if I can go for shorter runs twice as often. I think I wouldn't mind running, for say half an hour in the freezing dark, but an hour just feels too long. And it's not as if the run itself is enjoyable enough to make me dash out to complete it.

I know it's about a month til the days get lighter, but it feels like a month in, a month out, so I have two months to sort through this and find a system that works.

Here's hoping.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010


I got back on Sunday and went for a walk to stretch my legs.

Thank goodness I did because I ran into my Buddy. Hi Buddy!

As if that wasn't enough, Buddy nodded at the store I was just about to enter.

"Halloween candy. 99 cents."

He showed me his bags, full of awesome, tasty Halloween candy and I practically exploded with excitement!

Six dollars later and I have enough candy to feed a small army for a week! (Well, ok, the candy wouldn't actually feed a small army for any time at all, but humour me here)

I mean people, I got a box of fifty of those Twizzler and Nibs things for 99 cents! Fifty! For 99 cents! That's practically free! (Ok, I know my Math's not exactly perfect either, but hey, let's let that slide too shall we?)

So if I'm typing a little fast over the next few days you can thank my Buddy. He is the candy deal finding guru.

Ninety nine cents.

*shaking my head at the awesomemess*

Tuesday, 16 November 2010


I didn't make the time change go any easier for myself this last week.

Even though I'd be tired at what would be my normal bedtime, I'd stay up, telling myself it was like jet lag and I had to adjust.

This would have been fine if I hadn't been reading a book that I couldn't seem to put down.

Now, don't get me wrong, I read every night. It's been my bedtime ritual ever since I was a kid; get ready for bed, get into bed, read until Mom or Dad told me I had to turn my lights out. So fast forward to being an adult and I'm the only one telling me to turn out the lights, which means I often just keep on reading.

And reading.

Which meant that this book, with its long engaging chapters that just made me think I could read one more and *then* go to sleep, had me up until 11 or 12, which, unfortunately, was 12 or 1am to my body (which still didn't know the time change had happened.)

So add onto that a travel weekend and getting all wound up and not the greatest sleeps and I'm tired. It's a recognizable tired though; the tired of not having enough rest and sleep. The tired that comes from a week or more of late late nights and staying awake reading when my body could most likely have been sleeping instead.

I finished the book Saturday night, so am starting to catch up on my sleep.

I hate to say it, but I hope my next few books aren't as interesting and exciting as that one. Hopefully they're just plain good.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Not Forgotten

I'm heading out of town for a few days and won't be back before Sunday or Monday at the latest.

I'm traveling on Remembrance Day and I feel sad about that because it means I won't be able to attend a Remembrance Day Ceremony.

I'll certainly take some time at eleven tomorrow to pause and remember and say a silent thanks to those who gave their lives in sacrifice for a greater good.

I've talked before about what Remembrance Day means to me and how it's important to me to remember and respect without it being a political statement. I hope you too can take some time tomorrow to pay tribute to those who chose and continue to choose to stand against injustice and wrongs all over the world and to those who risk their lives in helping rebuild and bring peace to places that need it.

I'll see you in a few days my loves, have a peaceful week and hug your loved ones. All of them.

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

And Welcome Your Host. . . Victoria!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Victoria's biannual Get Confused By The Time Change Post!

(Crowd goes wild with applause, cameras pan to happy audience members cheering)

Well, well, well, here we are again folks! (pauses, smiles at the audience)

Not sure if I've ever mentioned this to you before, but I don't like the time change!

(Audience roars with appreciative laughter, show shot of woman nodding in sympathy)

So, how about that darkness, eh? Is it early enough for you?!

(Drum kit plays the bum dum dum *crash* thing)

Any farmers in the audience today? (quiet smattering of applause)

Oh, good, great! Apparently we're doing this all for you, so make sure to send me some produce. (audience chuckles)

That is, if you can get it to me before it gets dark.

You know, at FOUR THIRTY! (makes funny face at audience)

So, has anyone asked themselves what time it *actually is yet*? Yeah, I still have no idea? It feels like one time, but all my clocks say it's another. And my stomach? It's just got no idea!

(audience laughs, hosts pats belly and winks)

And how about those evenings, hmmm? Good thing they invented electricity. Otherwise, your gerbils have a hard time powering your laptop for the long, dark evenings. (cut to one woman laughing so hard she's wiping the tears from her eyes.)

But hey, we all know that this one's darker but easier than the next one. That next one's a doozie!

So thanks for coming out folks. Hope you enjoyed the show.

We may see you again next week, all depending on . . . say it with me now. . . "How Confused I Get By The Time Change!"

(Audience cheers again and host leaves the stage, blowing kisses and waving. Fade to commercials)

Monday, 8 November 2010

You Guys?

You remembered to change your clocks back, right?

Because otherwise, you're going to be really really early for work.

And that'd be silly.

But the traffic'd probably be light.

Saturday, 6 November 2010


I watched Eat, Pray, Love last night and now I want to travel and live in other countries and eat good pasta and meet hot,hot men(and never really get sick or worry about money the whole time.)

That is all.

Friday, 5 November 2010

Tell Me

What do you like best about yourself?

What's your biggest talent?

What makes you smile?

Thursday, 4 November 2010

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

My lazy, relaxing weekend also saw me re-signing up for that dating site I tried way back when.

I figured I had nothing to lose and time on my hands so I signed back up and re-took the lengthy questionnaire.

Interestingly enough, my answers and responses have changed, perhaps significantly since two years ago and I noticed immediately that the gentlemen I was getting matched with were much different, and more to my taste than last time. (I don't remember if I talked about it before but the fellows this site matched me up with last time were really, very much not my type. Maybe it was just bad timing, or maybe I've changed a lot since then, who knows.)

Sometime Sunday, my second "batch" of matches came in and then there was the awesomest thing: I *knew* one of them!

Not only did I know him, but we'd gotten along great and I was so excited to see that the site had actually matched me with someone I know is a good, decent, fun person.

I emailed him right away to say hi and it turns out he still has my number in his phone and we might hang out next week.

I'd never thought of him romantically before, partly because I don't think I was looking at the time we met (we hung out together in a group of friends, it was never a one on one thing) and then he had a girlfriend I think it's about that time I met Smith, and, well, we don't share a skin tone and I think I would have been scared to even consider dating him back then, fear of the unknown as a good excuse to not do something and all.

I know I'm different. . . better. . .more healed than I was two years ago, hell, I'm happier and healthier than I was when I started this blog in so many ways, and I think seeing us "matched" made me realize that I've been unknowingly closed off to a lot of people without realizing.

I think I can look back and see that I was keeping people, men, at a distance. I wanted a relationship but I didn't. I wanted to be close and intimate but I didn't.

Long distance relationships are awesome for this. You're in them but you're not.

They're intense and passionate, then they're lonely.

I also have changed in how I'm willing to present myself on these sites. Before, I wouldn't put up a picture, wouldn't tell anyone my real name, went by my initial. Now I'm not as frightened somehow, maybe I'm more trusting?

But I digress. It was really great to see that this is the type of guy that does exist on a site like this. And it's great to think that we might hang out. And it's great to think that I might even be open to seeing if it is or could be anything more than a friendship. And it's even greater that if it's not? I don't mind.

I just like the idea of having someone to hang out with and maybe, just maybe (what did I ask for?) get some "wanted, positive, giggle-inducing, happy-making, possibly the start of a good relationship male attention in my life."

I guess seeing this guy on the site gives me hope that there are other good guys on there and maybe one of them will end up being . . . you know. Mine.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Not That This Happened Or Anything

Let's say, for argument's sake, that you have a food that you purposely mis-pronounce because it makes you giggle.

Like, maybe you call bananas "beneenees" or spaghetti "spagHetti" or jalapenos "halapenyos" or a sandwich a "sammich".

You know, that kind of thing.

So, let's say you have this mis-pronunciation thing and you like it because it makes you giggle and then one time you go into the grocery store and you ask someone to help you find a certain item, but because you're so distracted with whatever else is on your mind, you're not really paying attention when you ask for help and you unknowingly mis-pronounce the word.

Out loud.

In the store.

To someone who then repeats the word to another person at which point you wake up a little and realize that no, you didn't want help finding beneenees, you actually wanted to know where the bananas were and oh man why aren't they laughing can't we all just pretend this never happened?

I mean, if that had happened to you, would you have been embarrassed?

Rhetorically speaking of course.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Things I've Learned While Running #1-5

1. You can run through a rain storm.

Now, I don't mean you can run so long that the rain stops, although I'm sure that's true too, I mean you know how in cartoons when someone's really sad there's a big raincloud hanging over them raining right down just on them?

Yeah, well, turns out this is pretty true. On a run last week, I started out from my place in the dry, and as I ran it started to rain. I kept on running and at the end of one street the rain stopped again. I ran perpendicular to my street for a while, turned around and came back. Hit the same spot? And it started to rain again.

I'd never really thought of rain as being a possibly stationary, localized thing, but I actually ran into, then out of a raincloud. It was very cool.

2. A lot of people don't look up.

I live near enough to the water that now that I'm running upwards of half an hour (I know!) I head down and along the waterfront.

There are times I'm down there when the sky is just stunning. Gorgeous clouds, sun, weather, waves, it's just beautiful. And I notice a lot of people not noticing. They're involved in their conversation or their worries and troubles or they're listening to their music, eyes down.

I know I'm looking up and around a lot more trying to catch pictures, but running along the water like that, it's hard not to stare at the gorgeous.

3. I *am* getting faster, even if it doesn't feel like it.

When I first started out, it was hard and it hurt and I was slow. So slow that I really, honestly, couldn't catch up to or pass walkers on the same trail or road.

Now I can. I can! I'm still not speedy, but I'm at least faster than I was and now I actually pass people walking. I can't tell you how cool this feels.

4. It really pays to ask for help even if you're worried you'll sound dumb.

I bought new shoes and I found the first day out wearing them my feet were hurting. I didn't know what was going on, but I asked a friend of mine who runs a lot what he thought the problem might be.

"How tightly are your shoes laced?" He asked.

So, I loosened them in the middle and they haven't hurt since.

Instead of me sitting thinking I'd broken my feet, I just asked and it turned out to be something I would probably never have thought of myself. Go figure.

5. Stretching is everything.

I knew this one already from the car accident, but it's even more important now.

I spend somewhere around half an hour after each run stretching.

I stretch from my head to my toes, literally, and I'm slow about it; I've set my watch timer for 45 seconds and that's how long I hold each stretch for.

And then I take a hot shower and/or bath and all is right with the world.


Monday, 1 November 2010

All Hallows

It was Halloween this weekend.

Well, it was Halloween yesterday, but Halloween always turns into a weekend thing, and with it being on a Sunday this year, I knew Saturday would most likely have most of the parties and such.

I laid low this weekend, which was just what I needed, and I played an embarrassing amount of a certain video game which shall remain nameless and I ran/walked and I ate terrible, delicious food.

I didn't have a great sleep Saturday, kept on getting woken up by firecrackers going off. And then at who-knows-what o'clock in the morning (probably when the bars let out) a group of young people (because really, who else would bother) wandered around for what seemed like forever screaming and yelling.

I was half-asleep but had been woken up and I was scared they were going to break into my bedroom. The more awake part of my brain reminded me that they were outside and that they couldn't get into my building or my apartment or my bedroom and so I shouldn't worry, but the more asleep part of me wondered if I should call the police, so I lay there trying to sleep and scared and knowing I was worrying over nothing.

I fell back asleep after a while until my neighbours came home. At that point I remembered that I had earplugs and popped them in and slept the rest of the night away. Or the morning away, who knows.

It's funny, that half awake, half asleep fear thing. I often worry that people will try to steal my teddy bear so I grab him to make sure he's still ok. (He sleeps in the corner of my bed.) I guess that's where young children get their nightmares from. Half-waking and things aren't quite right but they seem real and you can't convince yourself otherwise and you know you're not alert enough to do anything about it.

I don't know why this is something I felt compelled to write about except that it made for a very sleepy me yesterday, which led to another nice, relaxed day. I went to the grocery store mid-day to pick up some milk and I had my camera strapped across my back as always.

"Oh, I get it, you're a photographer!" the guy in the store joked.

Except, I didn't get it until he was halfway down the aisle.

Riiiiiight, a costume.

Not my fault, I didn't get much sleep.

And now my brain wants to sing "Blame it on the Rain" by Milli Vanilli. Please excuse me.
Please don't steal stuff from here, it's not nice. But leave a comment, why don't cha? And drink more water. It's good for you.

P.S. If you think you know me? You probably don't. If you're sure you know me? Pretend you don't. I'll never admit I know what you're talking about anyway.

P.P.S. All this stuff is copyright from then til now (Like, 2006-2018 and then some.) Kay? Kay.